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Original poster

Gaahhh, can you sew up a belly button?

132 replies

TotallyBursar · 15/06/2013 22:15

Or maybe stuff a cork in it or something?

I shifted some garden waste earlier and I was annoyed but not worried by a very itchy waistband.
I had tree bits everywhere but we were burning it all & would only get more scratchy bits on me so I left it. This was my first mistake.

I got in the bath and my belly button was still stabby and itchy, so I armed my self with tweezers to try and get a splinter out.

It was not a splinter.
It was a fecking huge bug of unknown species, at least dog sized, probably carnivorous. I would be prepared to swear I saw fangs.

It obviously saw my weaponry and made a dash for it...down my leg
It's gone now but I don't know where...I can feel it watching me. It could swim, nowhere is safe.

What if waits unti I'm asleep and tries to eat my face? What if it liked my belly button and decides to get back in ?

OP posts:
Original poster
TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 18:45

...

......

Nnnno. Nope, I've got nothing.
I don't really want fin rot...also if I'm still in the grip of the Thing

  1. It would eat them.
  2. I would need piranhas to eat It and they would do a bit more than nibble me.

If I'm not in the grip of amblypyg lunar gigantis I would end up with a paddling pool of carnivorous, although admittedly small, fish. That depend on eating parts of me for their very life itself.

Waffly, you are not very good at this.

OR

YOU'RE VERY GOOD AT THIS! OMG - IT'S YOU!! Is it you?
Where are you? It's time to call this a day Angry

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 16/06/2013 18:30

maybe you can save some of those garra rufa fish from being flushed down the drain now they're out of fashion, feed 'em up and get them to nibble you in the paddling pool next time you've been gardening.

Morgause · 16/06/2013 17:18

Are you sure it wasn't making its way out of your insides - like a Alien or something?

Original poster
TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 17:09

I could do that Dementedma yes - If I had a death wish!!
That's where it came from in the first place!

Are you working for them? Hmm
That is a highly suspicious answer 'oh just go and lie naked & defenceless in the middle of their lair - that'll work'...I'm watching you too.

Most of the birds here are hawks - I have visions of being tied to a rock while an Eagle pecks out my liver - I think amblingpig fangcrusher has got rid of the small birds.
I don't really want to eat it. Just punish it unto the Nth generation.

OP posts:
dementedma · 16/06/2013 16:55

Crying with laughter at this thread and all the in helpful answers. Just showed Ds the picture of the bug in the link above and he says "you can eat those you know"
op could you stake yourself out naked in the garden and see if the local birds come and search you for bugs?

Original poster
TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 16:52

Oh toss this

Stupid Queen bug trying to run interference with the technology. That must mean I'm right. She doesn't want to be identified as then we will know it's weaknesses.

OP posts:
Original poster
TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 16:49

Well, I'm fairly sure http://cdn.buzznet.com/assets/users16/miketroll/default/amblypygid-damon-diadema-aka-tanzanian--large-msg-119395606885.jpg this is it.
It may have had a long journey from it's native land (outer space obviously) but it's here now.

Amblypygid lunar gigantis.
Probly lives on the silent screams of the void. This Shock being the only tortured face they ever see.

Day 2 - I have not seen any signs of change. I think it was saving me and it's not time yet. Not yet. I know now everyone else is safe as long as I keep playing the game- this is personal now. Maybe it always was...

shit myself right up because it's still freaking here somewhere!

OP posts:
GinGuzzler · 16/06/2013 16:40

Bad laughing at this thread. Can't offer any help what so ever, sorry...

was it cousin It?

Triumphoveradversity · 16/06/2013 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 16/06/2013 14:03

I can't understand why you haven't been to B&Q and got your DH to spray you down with this

www.diy.com/nav/garden/garden-care-watering/pest-weed-control/insect_control/-specificproducttype-insect___bug_control/Diall-Universal-Insect-Killer-Spray-300ml-12738616?skuId=13259322

A couple of cans and a comb through with a nit comb ought to do it Grin

But I must confess to being so freaked out at being told by a French pharmacist that my horrific insect bites were made by 'speeders', that I spent the rest of my holiday nights wrapped from head to toe in bedsheets like a mummy.

coughingbean · 16/06/2013 12:18

Have you seen 'the fly'?
be afraid, be very afraid Shock

cocolepew · 16/06/2013 12:01

Have you checked yourself all over? No antenna growing anywhere? You haven't felt the urge to scuttle under the floorboards or down the plughole? Spin a web?

LemonMousse · 16/06/2013 11:51

I'm glad you weren't 'taken' in the night Totally.

I had visions of you being lifted sleeping from your bed by an army of fanged insects wearing badges proclaiming 'I swam the Vag 2013' and being carried off to their lair...

Original poster
TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 11:04

So now not only do I have a cavernous belly button but a bin bagesque fanjo? With a candy crush playing, YouTube watching alien Queen up it?

I am still here (obviously)...it was a long night. The sunlight seems to have put paid to murderous swarms of beasties intent on wearing me as a suit. Until tonight anyway.
Dh has got home from work so he can take the day shift - he seems strangely unmoved. I am keeping watch in case it is not him at all. I have been lulled somewhat by the fact whatever it is knows dh likes a post work luxury poo - but, ever vigilant, I shall watch the skids skies.

So far I have been unable to identify it - day 2 and the hunt continues.

OP posts:
coffeewineandchocolate · 16/06/2013 09:38

cross post with carole

coffeewineandchocolate · 16/06/2013 09:38

Are you sure when it came out in the bath it didn't swim up your fanjo? unhelpful

cocolepew · 16/06/2013 09:27

Swam up the vag, I meant to say.
Swam the vag makes it sound like swam the Channel it something.

cocolepew · 16/06/2013 09:26

Honey, it was swimming around in bath water, therefore it obviously could have swam the vag. I mean why wouldn't it?

The is no room for insects in mine, my phone is to big for anything else to for in .
Are you still alive op?

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 16/06/2013 01:39

I'm prepared to send DS3 over as he can locate any insect anywhere- but not if there is vag investigation to be done. He's 12

HoneyDragon · 16/06/2013 00:44

Am I the only person confused as to why Cocolepew suggested to the op to look up her vag for the runway alien insect?

Is Cocolepew in close proximity to the op?

Does her vag attract insects particularly?

Once in there do the insects use her phone to watch YouTube videos?

fackinell · 16/06/2013 00:40

WT actual F???? I'm all itchy reading this AND I lost a spider in the bedroom this morning, which really isn't helping matters. I'd sleep on the sofa but there's an even bigger fucker in the living room!!! Sad

iccarus · 16/06/2013 00:13

Munch crunch snap crack......scuttle rustle scuttle.....can you hear it op? i wonder what it was living on in there, do you have tummy button fluff that tastes like candy floss to bugs?

WafflyVersatile · 16/06/2013 00:06

You'll have to open the curtains to do that.

Original poster
TotallyBursar · 16/06/2013 00:00

Err. I'm now much more worried about your neighbour.

I will now have to keep a beady eye on my neighbours...just in case.

OP posts:
cocolepew · 15/06/2013 23:54

I'm going to bed now. I just know I'm going to have dreams about belly buttons Sad

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