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Original poster

This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
Maryz · 02/06/2013 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

garlicgrump · 02/06/2013 17:16

I just think it's the way it is. Access to information has made a "village" of us all. This thread shows a striking example of that, as Bassingham evidently was/is a village of the physical kind, where everybody knows everything about anybody and all that they knew!

As such, I don't see it as an issue that has changed; it's rather that the chit-chat has a different emphasis. The global village renders major life events more widely visible than the geographic community, but shares much less of personal trivia. You can keep something like an addiction hidden from the global community, for example, but not from your village neighbours.

Actually hiding for good has always been very difficult. It's still possible.

TheRealFellatio · 02/06/2013 17:09

I was thinking along the same linse Maryz. Although I am thrilled (from a selfish point of view) to feel so connected to the details of the story as it unfolds I can't help feeling a bit squeamish about real living people being named and their home towns being published without their knowledge. Especially in ight of the delicate subject matter. I think it would have been better to keep some of this (admittedly very helpful and fascinating) info in private PMs to Missy alone, with just the most vague updates to us hangers-on!

Much though it pains me to say it. Grin

And part of me is concerned that there is too much pressure on Missy for a happy ending now. I feel a bit like Graham waiting in the wings on Jezza in case she needs some counselling if they all turn out to be inbred axe murderers. Confused

Maryz · 02/06/2013 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 16:53

Hi, sorry I haven't been on this afternoon, I stupidly made plans before I started this, I have now cleared everything for the next week though Grin

I emailed staying at, I did find a phone number but thought it best to email first so I don't put him on the spot.

Another yes that is my sister, I have been looking for any trace of her getting married but I can't see anything, the same with Joanne so I wonder if they changed their names, I'm going to look for people with their Mothers maiden name and their first names as well.

I have also been wondering if I have a sister out there with my name as a middle name, its so strange to think about, but I did have a sheep named after me so maybe thats as far as he went naming anything after me Grin

Maryz I have been too caught up in the up side of being able to trace people like this I didn't think about the down side, it is quite scary to think that it could, and probably will, be used for less than good intentions Sad I can only promise I am genuine and I don't have any ulterior motives other than to know where I came from and hopefully get to know some of my family.

Thats a great idea Mardy I'm glad MNHQ are having a think about it. I can see they would have to be careful in case it is misused though.

Once again can I thank MissMarple who has been just amazing in helping me and just being there every time I need a and all of the MNers who have messaged and posted with leads on my family and stories and support, you are all brilliant Flowers I will let you know if I find anything else out and if/when my brother and Jackie email or call me.

OP posts:
thanksamillion · 02/06/2013 16:51

I was thinking along similar lines Maryz.

It seems in this case that MM's Dad had quite the reputation so I don't imagine it will be too much of a surprise for any siblings to discover that there are others, but in other cases it could easily be that the existence of an 'other' family could be quite shocking.

MardyBra · 02/06/2013 13:30

Muddling - I've started a thread in Site Stuff and I agree there may be issues with personal details. MNHQ have replied that they'll look into it.

Sorry for the hijack OP.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/1770088-How-about-a-new-topic-for-tracking-down-long-lost-family-friends?msgid=39437591

anothershittynickname · 02/06/2013 13:25

Wow xx I just saw the update xx

Exciting stuff xx

(PS - sorry for my earlier duplicate post) xx

MuddlingMackem · 02/06/2013 13:22

MardyBra Sun 02-Jun-13 11:29:25

This is an amazing thread. Because MN is such a vast network, maybe it would make sense to have a special topic where others can also track down long lost friends and relatives.

anothershittynickname · 02/06/2013 13:21

If it's not been mentioned already I think I've found M's birth record:

1970 in Sleaford and mothers maiden name the same as that as one B married a couple of years before.

Does this date tie in with what you know? Ancestry shows middle names / initials too which could help your trace with her :-) xx

Maryz · 02/06/2013 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anothershittynickname · 02/06/2013 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsspongebob · 02/06/2013 12:41

I would tweet it but too much personal information re the op and her family and also I have no idea how to work it!

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 12:23

Quite MrSpongebob shall we send her the link?! Grin

Missy how fab is that, but I understand your caution. How exciting!!!

mrsspongebob · 02/06/2013 11:47

This is MN at its best. Shame the likes of Amanda Holden only seem to draw attention to the negatives.

marriednotdead · 02/06/2013 11:44

As someone who used the Salvation Army (successfully) to trace my mum many years ago, I totally understand what is driving you now.

I traced estranged family of a dear, now departed, friend. They said they had been looking for him for years but it only took me a month to find them. The final piece in the puzzle was a grandsons birth cert, with my friends name as his middle name. He'd been listed as a player in a junior football team in a local paper so I contacted the coach of the team. The Internet did it all.
Wasn't all roses sadly but well worth doing.

I bookmarked this thread a couple of days ago and am delighted to see how far you have progressed already Smile

Good luck, I'm here cheering you and your team of sleuths from the sidelines Flowers

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 02/06/2013 11:30

This is fast approaching a classics thread Grin

Good luck xx

MardyBra · 02/06/2013 11:29

This is an amazing thread. Because MN is such a vast network, maybe it would make sense to have a special topic where others can also track down long lost friends and relatives.

Good luck op. Flowers

BrandyAlexander · 02/06/2013 11:28

Omg! I have been lurking. BlushHow exciting! Fingers and toes crossed for you.

Elefant1 · 02/06/2013 11:28

QueenStromba local libraries may have the electoral roll but will not be able to give out any information over the phone as it is against the law!
I saw this thread last night and had a play on freebmd to see if I could find anything but failed so very impressed by whoever found the marriage and birth records.
Hope you manage to find him OP.

FruOla · 02/06/2013 11:21

My goodness, all this information in less than three days - what an amazing network MN is! I hope you get a swift reply from him Missy.

Original poster
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 11:16

OH MY GIDDY AUNT

A very exciting update, a lovely MNer has just messaged my with details of who I think is my brother, and an address.

He has the same first names as my brothers middle names and his father is the same as M, J and s, who I am certain is my Dad.

I am in floods of tears here. And very thankful that my Dad stuck to a weird pattern when naming his children Grin

I am going to send a carefully worded email to him just now. And will let you know if/when I get a reply.

I really can't begin to thank you all enough, this is amazing. And thank you so much to the MNer who has tracked down the guy who is hopefully my brother. Flowers

OP posts:
BearPear · 02/06/2013 11:06

Just jumping on to Missy's band wagon here and crossing everything for a result sooner rather than later.

I totally "get" the addiction to sleuthing, when I first got started on my own family tree I lost hours hunting online, almost missed Christmas and the house & kids were unkempt for days on end!

QueenStromba · 02/06/2013 10:35

After a bit of googling it seems that local libraries hold a copy of the electoral roll and they might even be willing to give out details over the phone. Definitely worth a phone call tomorrow I think.

Darnley · 02/06/2013 10:23

Great thread. Shameless place marking...