My dad

At her next update to you, can you not ask your dad's wife what she'd like you to do about the situation? Does she perhaps think you need to have more contact with him? And if so, would this be something you would actually want at this point? There's no way you're "supposed" to feel as your relationship with him is uniquely yours. But you might want to reassess how you are feeling about the possibility of losing him in one way or another. Good luck.

I would ask what do you want to do? Do you want to involved in caring for him? Do you want more contact or less? Is his wife managing does it seem?

Your feelings are quite understandable as are your feeling that the children he's invested most of his attention to should be the ones to step up when he needs help. Are his stepchildren nearby? Do they live closer to him than you do or are you being contacted because you're in closer proximity? Why would his wife wonder if you might be there to help out? Isn't she close to her own children to ask them that? Whatever the situation, you shouldn't feel guilt-tripped (either by yourself or anyone else) into doing things that you aren't really feeling responsible for: only invest more into it if that's what you've decided you want. Best of luck.

that was similar to how my dad and i were. although he remembered birthdays etc. he was very enmeshed in my stepsisters’ lives and always out and about with their kids, babysitting with his partner for them, doing their gardening etc. I was just expected to crack on.

I could never make arrangements to see him directly. i had to go through the partner so she could fit me in round her family and their needs/wants.

it was a case of happy wife happy life for him. i later found out he was scared to rock the boat in case he ended up splitting up with her if she felt he wasn’t doing everything she wanted.

he couldn’t be alone due to a difficult childhood. he never got over it so hed do whatever to keep her happy and not be alone. including sacrificing his relationship with me to an extent.

now hes dead i do sometimes think i wish i’d spent more time with him. but she was ALWAYS there. so it wasn’t just me and him. im reasonably content with my actions. it’s just a shame we couldn’t be together more. oh well.

i wonder if there’s an afterlife if he understands now how i felt abandoned and replaced. how he could have done more. or not.