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Elderly parents

Should my 90 year old mother have to accept intimate care from a man?

137 replies

Hakifadi · 21/10/2026 18:30

My mother has just broken her right (dominant) wrist. The hospital said that they could offer 2-3 weeks of care visits whilst she gets accustomed to using her left arm. We agreed that it would be useful to have someone to help her wash every day. The response was that they couldn't promise that it wouldn't be a man. So, she refused. Should a 90 year old woman have to accept intimate care from a man?

OP posts:
Saltandp · 21/10/2026 18:41

Absolutely unacceptable. It shouldn’t even be a question.

bestbefore · 21/10/2026 18:40

Is this NHS care? If so sadly you don't get much choice. However there are lots of private care agencies who would send female carers

Hopefulsalmon · 21/10/2026 18:39

No, no woman should. Unfortunately too many men are not to be trusted.

Wickesisgoodenoughforme · 21/10/2026 18:38

Good god, I hope not. That is so dismissive of her dignity.

DewDropsAndCobWebs · 21/10/2026 18:37

She shouldn't be forced, but may not have an alternative.
If there are no female carer available, are you able to come up with another plan for her?
I agree it could be upsetting/disoriented for them

Thisisnotmyid · 21/10/2026 18:37

No she should not have to, but unfortunately there may not be another option.

Wowzel · 21/10/2026 18:35

No, but what if there are no women available to do it?

She has the option to decline but there may not be anyone else

Hakifadi · 21/10/2026 18:35

There's a woman up the road with quite advanced dementia. I regularly see two men turning up at the house. I imagine that that may well involve intimate care. That woman is, like my mother, very elderly. How bewildering it must be for elderly women to have men dealing with intimate care. It's shocking.

OP posts:
Loungingbutnotforlong · 21/10/2026 18:35

No- absolutely not

GentleSheep · 21/10/2026 18:34

No

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 21/10/2026 18:32

No!

saveforthat · 21/10/2026 18:31

No absolutely not.