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Elderly parents

No eating

64 replies

NotTooOldPaul · 04/10/2026 17:22

Not about a parent but I thought this was the best place to post this.
I help to look after a lady who I hesitate to call elderly as she is only 79. I cook most of her meals, she has carers who do her personal care.
I’ve noticed a decline in her ability to remember stuff, I mean what day it is and similar, she also tells me the same stories about her youth time and time again. She spends all her days sitting watching TV or just sitting if she forgets to put on the TV
She does not eat a lot but these last couple of days have been ridiculous. Yesterday (Saturday) she had half a slice of toast for breakfast and half a sandwich for lunch, today she has eaten nothing.
She has a painful abscess at the top of her leg and is taking antibiotics and painkillers for this.
Someone suggested to me that this lack of eating might be a sign that she does not have long left to live, if that is so I need to try to tell her sister (her only blood relative) who lives 300 miles away and is not well herself.
I’m just wondering how serious this lack of wanting to eat anything is. I’d appreciate any advice.
I have suggested A&E or out of hours doctor, but she refuses these ideas.

OP posts:
Lizzieregina · 07/10/2026 23:45

I’m so sorry Paul 💐

I hope you have someone in real life to give you some support.

ForeverAndEverCheese · 08/10/2026 00:08

Sending thoughts and prayers, Paul. Will she be remaining at the hospital or are they looking to transfer her? Is there anyone you can contact to be with you? Were you able to contact her sister?

catofglory · 08/10/2026 14:17

I'm so sorry to hear that. Flowers

Sitoff · 08/10/2026 14:33

I am sorry to read your update. I hope that she is comfortable and that you are getting help as well as support for yourself. Thinking of you both.

DarkLion · 08/10/2026 15:52

Oh my heart breaks for you 😞 I’m an elderly nurse myself, do you have any support or family around Paul? Do use these boards if you would like someone to talk to, be kind to yourself, you sound like such a dedicated Husband. Palliative care in hospital often provide support too and would talk to you if you would like them to. Thoughts are with you both at this time 💐

ApolloandDaphne · 08/10/2026 16:11

So sorry to hear this. You sound like a wonderful husband.

MyDadIsTheGreatest · 08/10/2026 17:15

So sorry to hear that. You could ask about hospice care at home which can make the last days much easier to cope with.

NotTooOldPaul · 08/10/2026 17:45

ForeverAndEverCheese · 08/10/2026 00:08

Sending thoughts and prayers, Paul. Will she be remaining at the hospital or are they looking to transfer her? Is there anyone you can contact to be with you? Were you able to contact her sister?

Thanks. She has been moved into a ward, still a single room but it has a TV for me to watch. Her sister is visiting tomorrow.
She is on constant painkillers which are helping a lot.
She even recognised me briefly this morning

OP posts:
NotTooOldPaul · 08/10/2026 17:47

MyDadIsTheGreatest · 08/10/2026 17:15

So sorry to hear that. You could ask about hospice care at home which can make the last days much easier to cope with.

I thought of that but the journey would be too.much for her andvwe live in a first floor flat and I don't think she could be carried up the stairs without massive pain.

OP posts:
Sitoff · 08/10/2026 21:09

Still thinking of you both. You sound like you are well set up where you are with the room (and TV). I hope that you are both finding moments of peace together and finding it helpful to have staff on hand. Fingers crossed that your DW's sister makes it safely tomorrow.

crazymommaclub · 08/10/2026 21:21

I’m so sorry to read your update. Is there anyone who can be with you at this very difficult time? Xx

NotTooOldPaul · 08/10/2026 22:02

crazymommaclub · 08/10/2026 21:21

I’m so sorry to read your update. Is there anyone who can be with you at this very difficult time? Xx

Edited

Thanks,
This thread is a great help. My daughter, son-in-law and grandson have visited as has my son and daughter-in-law. Son & daughter are there when I need them.
I'm home early(22:00) tonight as I need to sort out stuff for my sister-in-law staying tomorrow night,

OP posts:
MysterOfwomanY · 11/10/2026 09:12

I am so sorry to hear this. It's so hard for you. In hospital they will be able to keep an eye on her 24/7 and keep her comfortable.
Age is a spectrum - my DM didn't even make it to 78. Genetics play a big part and there's nothing you can do about that.
I hope you're being taken good care of yourself.

orangetulipsinbloom · 11/10/2026 18:32

Thinking about you both.

mathanxiety · 11/10/2026 19:20

Thinking about you and your wife and family.

I do hope the visitors will look after you too.

NotTooOldPaul · 11/10/2026 19:24

mathanxiety · 11/10/2026 19:20

Thinking about you and your wife and family.

I do hope the visitors will look after you too.

My son messaged me earlier and brought me food from Greg's. I am being looked after.

My wife looks as if she is sleeping. She has not spoken since Wednesday. She looks peaceful and is still beautiful to me

OP posts:
seahorsessky · 11/10/2026 19:27

In my town the average age of death is 73.1, so I wouldn't exactly call 79 not elderly!
Yes, I know some people are doing martial arts at that age, but the point is, she should surely qualify for elder care, and the council/hr family should get involved.

Wonderknicks · 11/10/2026 19:30

@seahorsessky have you read the thread? Unbelievable.
OP, my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

ChaChaChaChanges · 11/10/2026 19:34

Oh, Paul. I’m so sorry to read your updates.

I hope it’s a comfort to you that you sought help for your wife early on in her journey.

You wife does indeed sound very peaceful, and your love for her shines out of your posts. I’m sure she can feel it surround her. No doubt you’re still very handsome to her too.

AprillyJill · 11/10/2026 19:34

Thinking of you and your family @NotTooOldPaul and wishing you all a loving and peaceful time as much as that is possible. 🌸🌸🌸

NotTooOldPaul · 13/10/2026 19:30

My wife died peacefully half an hour ago, I am pleased I was with her.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 13/10/2026 19:36

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn at author's request

Inextremis · 13/10/2026 19:37

I am so very sorry for your loss.

WearyAuldWumman · 13/10/2026 19:41

I'm thankful that you were able to be there Paul. Thinking of you.

Luluco · 13/10/2026 19:49

So sorry to hear this Paul.