I have a DM and DMIL in care homes. Before this, we’ve had ten plus years of crisis upon crisis, trauma after trauma.
Last week was another horrendous shit show of a week. I’ve realised that I’ve been waiting for a ‘stable period’ for over a decade.it never ever comes. By stable I mean no urgent, sickening, traumatic, distressing event happening for about 3 months. It’s NEVER gone more than a month without some heart stopping hideous shit show to sort out. They both have zero quality of life. They have suffered for years and years and years.
This morning I woke up to the realisation that I’ve been hoping they both die. I even walked into the fields and looked up at the sky with tears streaming down my face and begged the universe to release them.