Things to discuss with my dad before he dies

Tell Us Once does government stuff, there's another similar one that does most banks, pensions and other financial things. Can't remember the name of it but the bereavement department of any of his banks will be able to give you the details. The form is a bit more complex than the Tell Us Once, but it saves a lot of duplication of effort.

Have not heard of anything other than Tell us once who only cover government departments. It is down to the Executor to inform banks and private companies on death.

If your dad is in possession of an apple iPhone ensure you know the passcode to access it or you are named by him as a legacy contact in Settings.

It is down to the Executor to inform banks and private companies on death.

Yes, but there's a central form now that covers a lot of them. We used it for my stepdad 2 years ago.

All the practical stuff is important, will, pensions, finances , funeral wishes etc, but possibly even more important and stuff that will be too late afterwards is the opportunity to talk about his life. When DM died, she had taken time over the preceding years to write some of her life history and told us where it was. Not overly long but contained things we would never have known or thought to ask about and some parts helped us with things like the music for her funeral. It’s amazing what you don’t actually know about our parents unless they tell you

As far as things like the funeral are concerned there may be gentler ways of discussing it, like asking about favourite songs, rather than "what songs would you like at your funeral". Another way would be to talk about your Mum's funeral, and see if he tells you what he would like to be the same or different.

I had once told my Mum that I was not going g to plan another funeral service, that i was just going to use my Dad's again. This started as a fairly frivolous comment, but led her to agreeing that she would like that. When the day came it made things very easy, same hymns, same readings, and we all felt very comfortable with it.

Try to record some video of him talking, so you have something to remember what he sounds like.
and ask about his childhood and history, all those memories and stories will go with him.

My dear friend advised me to apologise to my parents, even if I thought I had nothing to apologise for! We had a normal, friendly, loving upbringing. Anyway - I did it!

And somehow, after they died, little snippets of my selfish teen self, my inconsiderate 20 something self came back from time to time - triggered largely bu my own teen/20 somethings.

I am very glad that I had called attention to the love and generosity my parents had for me by the way of an apology!

It is a difficult time OP.

If it is appropriate to your family, tell him you had a good childhood and / or talk about nice or funny memories of family life.

I think when my time comes, my daughter telling me those things would be very reassuring

I posted up thread but have thought of something else. I would ask for your Dad's passwords to get into his computer. I didn't have access to my Dad's computer and have not been able to access all the photos he had from 2012 onwards when he switched from physical photos to digital ones.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is a very difficult time.

Ask about him and his early life, forget the paperwork as you'll know everything with having POA and pensions etc will be in his bank statements.

Where did he go to school, can he remember rationing, did he know his grandparents, who was his bff at school, did he have pets - basically the small stuff that will hopefully remind him of happy times.

Honestly, all I wanted to speak to my dad after he died was how much I loved him.

So sorry about your Dad. We had to deal with this last year and the most important thing we found was access passwords to any computers or phones/tablets. Emails and apps contain pretty much everything these days.

Ask about pensions, bank accounts, savings, life insurance, house insurance.

Thats about it really. Other than that spend as much time as you can, it goes quickly.

passwords
his life/family (believe me you won’t regret asking, but you will regret not asking.)
hymns/songs
readings
your relationship together
any recipes that are special

Make sure you hug him, feel him, touch his hand give it a gentle massage kiss it ,
kiss his forehead.
have a record of his voice .
the human connection the feel of someone and their voice is what I miss the most.

type of service
hymns
readings
As said before personal item bequests ( written in his hand if possible)
start sorting photos if you are going to do a slide show

just been through all this . Both parents died in last 6 months. Remember grief is a roller coaster.

With my granddad it was stories. He wanted to talk about his mum and dad, what his childhood was like etc. He lived a fascinating life so it was a pleasure to listen and ask questions.

gosh. I agree with @SmallDFartyCarNRG! It seems most practical things are pretty much sorted. And if you have access to his house can find out the rest. Why do you need to talk to him about funeral arrangements? Surely if he has not specified you know him well enough if he’d want a religious service or not. Funerals are for those left behind so just decide.
I would talk to him about how much you love him and share some memories. How you’ll take care of your mother (if still alive and they’re together). Talk about how you’ll tell your kids about the adventures you had together. The rest can be figured out afterwards.

This is interesting. Because
I feel It’s a celebration of their life so it should reflect their choices. It’s very interesting as when you talk to them at this stage you find out what you think they would want is not necessarily true . Also many people like my parents refused to talk about what they wanted until the v last week. It’s helpful to have an idea as siblings family may want different things . My brother wanted pure cremation ( buy one get one half price) both my parents religious so I wanted c of e at our fabulous crem .
neither mum or dad understood pure cremation and that people can’t attend your cremation.

but of course horses for courses .

passwords are useful but please be aware legally after your parent has died you cannot access anything of his . So no bank etc etc

Clear contact details for which friends/acquaintances he wants to be notified...with details of where he knows them from/for how long etc - to work out who to send funeral details to.

I've been doing my family history and I realised there's a huge gap in what I know about my dad's childhood, and I wish I had asked him about it. I remember visiting his DM's cottage when I was small but none of the other relatives know where it was. So my advice would be to talk to him about his childhood, youth etc.