So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 2

Come and join us on the new thread - see link several posts above

I think in some cases euthanasia is a good idea. Why prolong lives if someone wants to go.
In practice it's very hard to legislate. Or monitor effectively.

@MyPinkSquid your welcome as @TheShellBeach says come over to the new thread with us. @AgitatedGoose I hope your doing OK? I didn't need to cut toxic DB off he seems to have done that himself (probably in case I ask him to step up and help)

@MyPinkSquid I'm very sorry you're in this difficult situation.
Please join us on the next thread. The link's several posts back.

@MyPinkSquid I can also empathise with how stressed you feel. I think it’s far worse when you have siblings that don’t help than being an only child where you have to accept that everything is down to you. I’d be inclined to cut any toxic siblings out of your life once you can.

@Tara336 thank you so much . I am just about to take kids to school and tears are springing up in my eyes that someone has shown empathy. Thank you so much ! ☺️

@MyPinkSquid your doing your best and its too easy to beat yourself up over things beyond your control. My DB lives 5 miles max from my DM I live 130 miles away, everything was left to me. My parents home was left cleanish after DF was sectioned but needed a deep clean and redecoration as DF cigarette smoke stunk the place out and he had refused to spend money.

We are slowly clearing the rubbish he hoarded and have so far gutted and redecorated two bedrooms now on the third, I've also sold DF car, had a clearance company in and arranged for the garage door to be replaced this year. DB has carried a small piece of wood down the stairs and chucked it on the garage floor.

I spent last year arranging the sectioning of my DF, it was a horrible experience, dealing with SS, Dr's, psychiatrists, attending meetings and then fighting to get DF into a decent care home. DB did absolutely nothing to assist me. I have MS and I am mentally and physically exhausted.

I can relate to exactly how your feeling, there is a lot of us on this thread who seem to have the work unfairly distributed. There's lot of good advice roo, just come and vent when you need too

@Tara336 had to get cooker isolated as an emergency . Mum has tiny poc which council declining to increase . Feel at end of tether whilst simultaneously like worst daughter in world … whilst my big sister says “ she needs to go into care home “ but leaves me with all admin cleaning and fiscal responsibilities! She lives round the corner … it’s good just to be honest about how stressed I feel .

@MyPinkSquid that's a worry leaving the gas on. My DF has now forgotten he smoked, he was a 60 a day smoker and had to have patches when he was sectioned. Never did I expect to see him without a cigarette! Probably a good thing as the last time I saw him trying to light one he was holding the lighter up to the middle rather than the end

reading these posts made feel less alone . I have two kids at high school and a mum in her 90s . Her dementia is advanced enough that she lives constantly in the present . Stays in bed all day . Loses everything. Money cigs etc . Risk taking behaviour. I found at work this week she had been using gas to light her cigs and leaving it on !!!
somehow despite living 40 mins away , working in a high stress job ( NHS)and having two children - my life has become an extension of my mums daily needs !
I love my mum but feel totally burntout and resentful!

No offence taken - I’m white myself. And usually embarrassingly oblivious to these kind of issues. I’ll gladly use the most respectful terminology I can to talk about people when it’s necessary to refer to their race. I appreciate that in your work environment that’s seen as the correct phrase, however cringeworthy we may find it. Would be interesting to know what colleagues who would be classified as VBE think and what their preferred terms would be. But that feels like a discussion for another thread and another board, not elderly parents.

What happens when they talk loudly like that in care homes? I visit businesses for work and remember visiting a care home just after the EU referendum. The manager told me how awful she felt for the staff, half of whom were from the EU. They had tried to make the trip to the polling station a bit of a day out. The staff wheeled the residents down there were they all, without exception, voted leave grumbling loudly to each other about too many foreigners and sending them all home. The poor staff had the listen to all this.

nothing personal @StiffyByngsDogBartholomew , but what a horrible term - defining the default human as white and lumping together anyone that “visibly” isn’t white. It feels very othering. Which is I suppose what your dad is doing.

Thanks. I googled it several times and that absolutely wasn't one of the many possibilities

Stiffy what does VME mean?
I've looked it up and found nothing helpful.

@Aweekamonthayear why do they get more bigoted as they get older? Please don’t let your experience of one man make you feel all old people are the same. You will be one of the “they” sooner than you think.

Hi @Aweekamonthayear do you go round regularly, or do you go when he phones you?

It can be hard to watch the car crash some people make of their lives. I'd be inclined to leave him to it.

@Sweetpea1532 Thank you so much. I’m incredibly touched by your kindness and generosity. I really hope that a cure for this heartbreaking and cruel disease will be found soon as increasing numbers of people are being affected.

Name changed - not sure why!

I'm glad I found this thread to say what I can't in real life.

My elderly father has killed any real love or compassion due to his complete unreasonableness and selfishness in his own age.

Since my step mum died he's expected that the family will look after him, refused to move house, to move into care with old mantra ' I'm OK'

He would have us round twice a day if without even blinking, without even caring about the impact on us.

He quite clearly doesn't want to be around anymore; he doesn't do anything but whinge and get nastier in his opinions..why do they get more bigoted as they get older? . He doesn't look after his hygiene. He doesn't spend any money . He answers the phone when he wants and replies to messages when he wants, leaving you wondering if he's OK until you have to go and check.

Recently I thought he'd died in his sleep, but he'd actually had a fall - queue hospital stays, loads of stressful admin and inconvenient visits. A dark part of me wished he'd have passed away then for the benefit of everyone. He now has a carer go in and quite frankly, I could just let them get on with it.

The point is, I guess, is his refusal to do anything to help himself even though he's capable, has led to resentment and anger on my behalf.

I totally get this thread, even though my situation isn't as bad as some, I feel the pointlessness of the whole situation, and the relief when he passes away will be at the same level of grief.

@AgitatedGoose DH and I have left money to the Alzheimer Society in our wills.

@AgitatedGoose That is such good news all round. I'm glad you've chosen the Alzheimers Society as the charity. I have several friends whose family members have this disease..hopefully with research a cure will be discovered soon. It will be an honour for me to make a donation for your mum. Take care. Prayers for you for comfort and peace.