Page 2 | How do you cope while separating but still living together?

iloveyoubutilovememore · 2026-07-16T07:37:50+00:00

It’s been two weeks since OH & I decided that we need to separate, and to be honest I am all over the place. The main factor here is that neither one of us can move out right now. I thought living in the same house would be a struggle but my god this is so hard. Having to keep the peace in front of the children, making small talk, seeing him glued to his poxy phone all evening, the list goes on. I don’t feel like I can emotionally cope with this whilst we both remain in the family home :( Anyone who has been in this position, or currently is - please share some words of wisdom. What helped you navigate, how do we avoid getting into the late night disputes over what he/she said. I’m still really hurt and for many reasons feel so resentful towards him.

Flowersandthorns · 19/07/2026 17:01

@MoveOnPlease sending hugs - that sounds horrid! How long do you think you will have to endure it for?

Sashya · 19/07/2026 17:16

@iloveyoubutilovememore

I lived with my now exH for over a year after filing for divorce. And it was a difficult divorce too. Was the hardest thing I have ever done.
But - mercifully - it ends and life moves on.

Just focus on day to day. And plan your future. Prepare what you need to prepare. Make new routines. Start doing things by yourself,
Your kids are small and won't remember much of this time in a few years.

Trampauline · 19/07/2026 18:24

MoveOnPlease · 19/07/2026 10:42

I am glad to have found this thread.

We have separated but need to live together whilst we sort the house and sell it. He’s doing nothing to help (in fact, actively hindering when he can), eating all my food and blanking me.

It’s absolutely horrible.

@moveonpleaseI have the same problem. We need to sell the house and I need to be here or it won't happen. The house needs some DIY and painting and of course it is all down to me, so can't put it on the market yet. I am awake in the night over it.

Trampauline · 19/07/2026 18:28

@iloveyoubutilovememoreI can see it being the same length of time for me. It's helpful to know it is survivable.

MoveOnPlease · 19/07/2026 20:21

Flowersandthorns · 19/07/2026 17:01

@MoveOnPlease sending hugs - that sounds horrid! How long do you think you will have to endure it for?

I think it’s going to take a month or two to get it on the market, then however long it takes to sell. He’s refusing to help with any DIY or entertaining our toddler so I can do it.

It’s really amazing how quickly one’s love and respect for someone can vanish, isn’t it?

MoveOnPlease · 19/07/2026 20:23

Trampauline · 19/07/2026 18:24

@moveonpleaseI have the same problem. We need to sell the house and I need to be here or it won't happen. The house needs some DIY and painting and of course it is all down to me, so can't put it on the market yet. I am awake in the night over it.

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I’ve enlisted friends and family to come to help, which is speeding things up. Could you do the same? Today he went for a nap whilst I was stripping wallpaper. Such an idiot.

Flowersandthorns · 19/07/2026 20:27

This is my second divorce and I remember the first time living with my ex and 2 very small children was so difficult. Game face for the children is exhausting. At least at my age - post 50 - I can wallow/go out etc. to try to make it better. I do remember moving out the first time and just feeling such joy!

Notachristmaself · 19/07/2026 21:00

Flowersandthorns · 19/07/2026 20:27

This is my second divorce and I remember the first time living with my ex and 2 very small children was so difficult. Game face for the children is exhausting. At least at my age - post 50 - I can wallow/go out etc. to try to make it better. I do remember moving out the first time and just feeling such joy!

That'll learn ya to not to get married again!

Flowersandthorns · 19/07/2026 21:07

@Notachristmaself indeed....

ThereWeAreThensmileyface · 19/07/2026 21:20

Reading this and learning
Considering a grey divorce
Its inevitably going to happen at some point

MoveOnPlease · 20/07/2026 11:26

I can’t wait til we live separately and I can change the passwords to all the subscription services I’ve paid for for years.

Original poster

iloveyoubutilovememore · 20/07/2026 18:43

Fu*king hell this isn’t for the faint hearted is it. I can’t see how this is going to get any easier whatsoever. He’s not even being that difficult, it’s that he just doesn’t seem fussed at all. Not one attempt at a conversation with me about it, very surface level and as if I’m an old friend. I am hurting so much…

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Original poster

iloveyoubutilovememore · 20/07/2026 18:45

@Sashya are you amicable now? I am doing more for myself which feels good, it’s more when I have to be at home that emotionally I struggle. I feel it would be easier if he just bloody left, but I know for the children it would be horrific and confusing. But of course he won’t leave!

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Flapjak · 20/07/2026 18:49

iloveyoubutilovememore · 20/07/2026 18:43

Fu*king hell this isn’t for the faint hearted is it. I can’t see how this is going to get any easier whatsoever. He’s not even being that difficult, it’s that he just doesn’t seem fussed at all. Not one attempt at a conversation with me about it, very surface level and as if I’m an old friend. I am hurting so much…

Similar @iloveyoubutilovememore - kind of feels almost unreal - like was there ever any substance and deep feelings there at all, but maybe we have both gone into self protection mode and the only way to cope is to shut down all / any feelings - it's hard as the person to go to for comfort is no longer there

Olive567 · 20/07/2026 18:58

We lived together for another 10 months while we sold the house. Luckily it was pretty amicable and civil between us but it was still very difficult.

Flowersandthorns · 20/07/2026 19:30

@Flapjak that is exactly it! The person I went to for comfort, just a hug at the end of a tough day is no longer there!

Lauders · 20/07/2026 20:09

I haven’t told my DH yet. I’ve mentally done it in my head but can’t bring myself to say it out loud. It’s the thought of living with him and whilst I think he’d be amicable I’m worried in case he’s not. I just want to fast forward 6 months, and be done with. We private rent so I don’t need to sell or anything to get him out just deposit etc for somewhere else but when you don’t have it, the amount feels irrelevant.

You’re all doing so well to keep living with them. Keep going

MoveOnPlease · 21/07/2026 15:20

Flowersandthorns · 20/07/2026 19:30

@Flapjak that is exactly it! The person I went to for comfort, just a hug at the end of a tough day is no longer there!

This made me sad… I don’t think my ex has been that person for a very long time.

I’m already finding managing DC easier by myself. If I don’t expect any help, I won’t be disappointed.

Notachristmaself · 21/07/2026 20:05

MoveOnPlease · 21/07/2026 15:20

This made me sad… I don’t think my ex has been that person for a very long time.

I’m already finding managing DC easier by myself. If I don’t expect any help, I won’t be disappointed.

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Same here. He is mainly the person who has caused the tough day. The man I married is long gone for me. I suppose it just depends on who initiated the separation and why.

MoveOnPlease · 22/07/2026 14:12

Notachristmaself · 21/07/2026 20:05

Same here. He is mainly the person who has caused the tough day. The man I married is long gone for me. I suppose it just depends on who initiated the separation and why.

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Yes, I suppose so. I think it’s been over for me for such a long time that I am not really grieving it anymore. I have already done that. It is a shame but being apart will be far easier than staying with him.

Fishergirl · 22/07/2026 20:56

We've been separated for nearly 2 years now and living together all that time. It's varied between being really stressful and anxiety inducing (when he is in a rage or bad mood) to weird and unsettling (when we're being pleasant to each other). Overall we stay out of each other's ways when we're in the house together and 99% of the time our DS is in the same room as me.
He delayed the divorce so much but finally we've exchanged financial information so I'm hoping the end is near. I can't wait to have my own place for me and our son. I focus on that and almost manifest where I see myself and what my life will be like this time next year.
This has been so hard but it's 100% the right thing to do.

MoveOnPlease · 23/07/2026 09:53

Fishergirl · 22/07/2026 20:56

We've been separated for nearly 2 years now and living together all that time. It's varied between being really stressful and anxiety inducing (when he is in a rage or bad mood) to weird and unsettling (when we're being pleasant to each other). Overall we stay out of each other's ways when we're in the house together and 99% of the time our DS is in the same room as me.
He delayed the divorce so much but finally we've exchanged financial information so I'm hoping the end is near. I can't wait to have my own place for me and our son. I focus on that and almost manifest where I see myself and what my life will be like this time next year.
This has been so hard but it's 100% the right thing to do.

Wow, two years. That must have been incredibly hard. Glad the end is in sight for you!

Original poster

iloveyoubutilovememore · 23/07/2026 13:10

How is everyone doing today?

I’ve tried to talk to him about managing this better and communicating with each other but he is completely ignoring my suggestions. It feels like he has checked out, made a comment the other evening ‘I’m just doing things to make myself happy, you should be doing the same’. All those years together and that’s how I get spoken to…

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MoveOnPlease · 23/07/2026 13:52

What do you want him to do?

I’m doing okay. Ex has checked out of all DIY and all parenting, and has actually been far more pleasant this week. He’s openly drinking (he’s an alcoholic and resented me monitoring his drinking) and I assume looking forward to his new, single, mostly childfree life.

Original poster

iloveyoubutilovememore · 23/07/2026 14:25

@MoveOnPlease well just be a responsible adult and accept what’s going on/about to happen. Sounds like yours is also pretty calm about it? Mine initially agreed to split 50:50 on all chores but that lasted a couple of days and it’s back to me doing the majority!

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