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Original poster

TTC After Miscarriage

32 replies

Jadelr · 04/09/2023 15:28

I had a miscarriage on 21st February at 8 weeks. My cycles were all over the place after up until around May, we both decided after the miscarriage we wanted to try to conceive again however I've still not fell pregnant since and I'm feeling rather depressed. Each month I obsess over wether I'm pregnant in the two week wait and then when my period comes I'm devastated. When I had my miscarriage and was scanned etc they checked everything ovaries etc and I don't have PCOS or anything like that and they said everything looks healthy and fertile but I just wanted to know if it took anybody abit longer to conceive after a miscarriage? It's been like 6 months now and as we are trying for our first I feel like it's never going to happen again 😞

Everything I see online most women seem to fall pregnant pretty fast after a miscarriage and I'm quite disheartened it's not happening, I feel like it's never going to happen again and i can't figure out if I'm stressing myself out to much and that's the reason I'm not falling pregnant. TTC is so stressful it took me around 5 months to fall pregnant the first time after coming off contraception. Any advice or anything is much appreciated x

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Original poster
Jadelr · 07/01/2024 14:24

@Claudiasaz exactly that you've hit the nail on the head. I remember my nurse after I had my miscarriage explain that for your body to "house a baby" as she worded it everything needs to be just right as in hormones, egg quality etc etc.

So falling pregnant isn't as simple as it seems and I agree I think it is just luck most of the time. I think I've always put off counselling because then I know I have to deal with the trauma I've carried my whole life but I think I owe it to myself to let the burden go now. I'm ready to do it now.

Thankyou so much, same goes for you! Oh I would love that, I think I'd find it helpful being in a group of women who have experienced similar to me! x

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Claudiasaz · 07/01/2024 14:20

@Jadelr I think although it sucks there's so many elements to getting pregnant. So you can ovulate, sperm meets egg etc but there's implantation, there's hormones, there is just sooo much. I personally feel most of it is pot luck! Hence why it takes longer sometimes or quick other times.

I am going to try try try to stop stressing. I think the gp appointment will help with this maybe.

I did have some therapy and I'd definitely recommend that. I had a lot of trauma which I wasn't really aware of after the actual scan and the physical parts. I feel much better about that now.

Just know you're not alone! Always here if you want to rant. There's a group of us TTC after miscarriage I'll try and share it with you. We have had a few positive stories in there x

Original poster
Jadelr · 07/01/2024 14:15

@Claudiasaz I haven't had any testing done since however when I had my miscarriage they checked my ovaries, etc and said all looks healthy and fertile. Then they checked again at my second scan to confirm miscarriage and the doctor I spoke to went through it all with me and said all is okay. So that put my mind at rest but with me I think being depressed and stressed really hasn't helped me at all, I'm one of those people that when I'm stressed/depressed it takes it's toll on my cycles and knocks them out of whack massively.

My cycles have gone back to normal in the last 2/3 months as I've been making more of a conscious effort to try not get too stressed. I think what helped me is I got to the point of thinking regardless how much I stress/depress myself about falling pregnant it's not going to change the outcome if anything it's only going to hinder my chances. I have looked into counselling with I feel I need to deal with my depression like the route cause because my depression isn't just because of my miscarriage.

And I've started to make healthier life choices, exercising abit more. Eating healthier I've also got a few vitamins I've started taking which I've read up about that help ovulation etc, I'm taking Maca Root, inositol, folic acid and vitamin c. Also just doing more fun things like going out places and making sure I've got things to look forward too so my mind is occupied and not held up on trying to conceive.

Yeah I think an appointment with your GP will point you in the right direction, I usually know when I'm ovulating due to like you said the egg white discharge and a positive ovulation test but I did read the other day even when your body is attempting to ovulate you still get a positive test and egg white which makes it all the more confusing because now I don't know if I am ovulating or not 😂 from next month I am going to start testing again and then if in a few months time nothings happened I'll go see my GP for advice etc. I agree I don't think the mid cycle spotting should be happening however that can be normal I read a lot of women do spot mid cycle. I suppose every women is different in what's normal and what's not. I hope you get answers as I know sometimes it can be a long process.

Trying to conceive is stressful😂 the fact I fell pregnant so fast to now I'm struggling really annoys me haha but what will be will be and I feel confident that it will happen one day x

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Claudiasaz · 07/01/2024 14:05

Hi @Jadelr I'm sorry to hear that you're still going through it. Sounds like you're doing better though, what did you do to help you relax? Have you had any testing or anything done? I really hope it happens for you soon.

My cycles have been a bit random too. I've actually booked with the GP as they said it should be a bit more normal by now and I have some mid cycle spotting which again they said shouldn't be happening.

I actually never used o tests before but started after MC to check I was o. I don't know if they're more stressful or not to be honest 😂 With my previous I would have sex when I had the egg whites so may give that a go again! X

Original poster
Jadelr · 07/01/2024 13:55

Hi @Claudiasaz

I'm getting better in the sense of I'm not as obsessive as I was 😂 however I'm still not pregnant which I'm still finding hard ofcourse because I've taken a step back from testing etc but then now I'm thinking well I need to start ovulation testing etc again but then I don't want to fall back into the obsessive routine again. I'm sorry for your loss 😞

After my miscarriage my cycles were all over for 4-5 months. When usually before that they were on time every time, I fell pregnant within 2 months the first time so now nearly a year later and I'm still not pregnant it's annoying because I'm constantly thinking why 🤦🏻‍♀️ but I know stress etc can prevent ovulation and I have been stressed ever since the miscarriage, so I think that plays a big part. I know people say just relax it'll happen but it's much easier said than done. I mean I read all these stories about women falling pregnant straight after a miscarriage so that gave me hope and then it just never happened for me. But I'm praying I get my miracle this year, it would be my first baby so I'm just hoping it will happen.

But I'd just go easy on yourself, you've gone through a traumatic time and sometimes your body takes abit longer to adjust. I wish I had a success story for you haha but I'm still in the process, I hope you get your rainbow soon x

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Claudiasaz · 07/01/2024 13:44

Hi @Jadelr I've just come across this. Hope you're getting on better?

I had a MC at my 12 week scan - symptoms still well alive and no bleeding or pain but sadly no heartbeat. This was to be my 3rd child. Always fallen easily and now four months on from mmc can't get pregnant which is concerning. I guess I'm after any stories like mine with a happy ending? 🙏😂

Original poster
Jadelr · 10/09/2023 12:05

Olika · 09/09/2023 18:06

When I started listening to my body I realised I get more aroused and naturally wanted my DH just before my ovulation. I still have this every month around my ovulation so perhaps it's something you could observe and utilise instead of the tests.

That makes sense because before I was TTC I did feel more in the mood around ovulation so maybe I just need to listen to my body more and go with the flow

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Olika · 09/09/2023 18:06

When I started listening to my body I realised I get more aroused and naturally wanted my DH just before my ovulation. I still have this every month around my ovulation so perhaps it's something you could observe and utilise instead of the tests.

Original poster
Jadelr · 09/09/2023 17:19

Olika · 07/09/2023 22:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I got too fixated with TTC after my miscarriage. And nothing was happening for ages. Then I stopped testing and worrying and relaxed. I started listening to my body and when I felt aroused I seduced my DH because I wanted him, not because I was about to ovulate.. and it worked.

Thankyou, it's so difficult isn't it but I have heard so many people say if you just stop trying and relax then it'll happen. I've gotten myself in such a mess I'm depressed and I'm driving a wedge between me and my partner because of how I am that's how I know I've got to a point I need to stop now x

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Original poster
Jadelr · 09/09/2023 17:18

HashB · 07/09/2023 21:54

How are you feeling @Jadelr ?

Hey, not too good 😞 sorry for the delayed response had a rough week, how are you? X

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Original poster
Jadelr · 09/09/2023 17:18

Blue2020 · 07/09/2023 21:51

@Jadelr I know it can be hard trying to relax when it’s the main thought. It’s easier said than done. I had this intense desire to have what I’d lost, so opk and bbt became a daily process to maximise the chance.

Also I don’t think I said, sorry for your loss. I hope you have positive news soon.

I know I'm the same I've just became so obsessive and it's driving a wedge between myself and my partner 😞 just desperately trying to get back what I had, Thankyou x

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Olika · 07/09/2023 22:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I got too fixated with TTC after my miscarriage. And nothing was happening for ages. Then I stopped testing and worrying and relaxed. I started listening to my body and when I felt aroused I seduced my DH because I wanted him, not because I was about to ovulate.. and it worked.

HashB · 07/09/2023 21:54

How are you feeling @Jadelr ?

Blue2020 · 07/09/2023 21:51

@Jadelr I know it can be hard trying to relax when it’s the main thought. It’s easier said than done. I had this intense desire to have what I’d lost, so opk and bbt became a daily process to maximise the chance.

Also I don’t think I said, sorry for your loss. I hope you have positive news soon.

Firsttimemumtobee · 05/09/2023 20:23

No problem, I can completely relate to that! It's definitely helped 😊

Original poster
Jadelr · 05/09/2023 10:59

Firsttimemumtobee · 05/09/2023 10:57

@Jadelr sorry for your loss. I had a mc at 11w3d end of April and a cp the following cycle. I totally agree with what you say about becoming obsessive. I've actually started seeing a miscarriage and pregnancy loss counsellor which is really helping, worth seeing if there's anything similar in your area, but mine do online counselling as well. It's called Footsteps Counselling and Care.

So sorry for your loss, I'll have a look into that thank you! I have been thinking about counselling as it's gotten quite out of hand how obsessive I've became and it's running my life it's all I can think about it and I don't want to be this way, I will definitely have a look into that x

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Firsttimemumtobee · 05/09/2023 10:57

@Jadelr sorry for your loss. I had a mc at 11w3d end of April and a cp the following cycle. I totally agree with what you say about becoming obsessive. I've actually started seeing a miscarriage and pregnancy loss counsellor which is really helping, worth seeing if there's anything similar in your area, but mine do online counselling as well. It's called Footsteps Counselling and Care.

Original poster
Jadelr · 05/09/2023 08:50

Blue2020 · 05/09/2023 08:00

It took us three months after the miscarriage, however that third month I had written it off. I still tracked ovulation to give it the best chance but dh had covid and a fever weeks before and I read studies that it affects the sperm short term. We went on holiday for three weeks directly after ovulation and lo and behold it’s the month we conceived. It’s the only month where I just didn’t think about it and even took my pads with me ready for af to start. It was the first relaxed month I had felt out of the seven months since we had started trying and it’s the one that was a successful pregnancy.

Sorry for your loss it's awful, but I agree from what I've heard women on hear say when they stopped stressing and trying it happened. I do think I just need to take that approach as it's ruining my mental health and I'm just depressed etc which is no good. I'm certainly going to try and be relaxed going forward x

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Blue2020 · 05/09/2023 08:00

It took us three months after the miscarriage, however that third month I had written it off. I still tracked ovulation to give it the best chance but dh had covid and a fever weeks before and I read studies that it affects the sperm short term. We went on holiday for three weeks directly after ovulation and lo and behold it’s the month we conceived. It’s the only month where I just didn’t think about it and even took my pads with me ready for af to start. It was the first relaxed month I had felt out of the seven months since we had started trying and it’s the one that was a successful pregnancy.

Original poster
Jadelr · 05/09/2023 07:49

@LilyJessie sorry for your loss. I agree i think it's because it was my first loss I've became so obsessive in trying to fill that void and getting back what I had if that makes sense. You know it's funny you say that I've heard so many people say once they stopped trying so to speak they fell pregnant. But since my miscarriage it's just gotten worse as the months have gone by to the point I'm now depressed over trying to conceive and it shouldn't be that way should it, but I'm definitely going to try what you have suggested and not "try" so to speak as I'm making myself ill and I think with all the stress it's causing that certainly won't help me either! I'll definitely have to nip to Ann summers and spice things up as sometimes sex really does feel like a chore and it never used too for us, I'll hopefully get there one day! Thankyou for the advice I appreciate it x

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LilyJessie · 05/09/2023 07:43

Jadelr · 04/09/2023 20:44

Sorry for your loss, yes I have heard a few people say that. I think after my miscarriage I became so obsessed with trying to get back the one thing I lost and the only way was to strictly try to conceive and try really hard when in reality I do think it's having the opposite effect it's putting so much pressure on me and I'm just depressed and very stressed 😞 I think I am going to take the relaxed approach from now on and not try as such as it's not good for my mental health. I do think stress is a big factor in not falling pregnant well for me anyway, when I first fell pregnant we were trying but it was if it happens it happens if not we wouldn't stress and it happened so maybe I need to try that again haha!

Show quote history

I became obsessed with getting pregnant after my first loss... And I became pregnant first time trying before that!!
It's awful! And I hear and feel you.

It's so easy to say but I promise you now, focussing on something else, exercising, a hobby, work, and bringing back the fun in sex, definitely helps.
Saying to your partner, (like I did) "now now now I'm ovulating" is soooo much pressure for you both.
My partner said "I feel used!" (Half jokingly), but I bet he did!!

Why don't you say to yourself... "this isn't good for me, let's not try for a month or two" and just enjoy the end of summer, popnto Anne summers, mix it up a bit, and you never know...

Took me 8 months with the second, and that's when we gave up trying as it as upsetting me so much! The third time I didn't try and fell in 2! Honestly stress doesn't help!

Sending you lots of luck 🤞😁 and remember ... have fun 😉😉

Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 22:07

HashB · 04/09/2023 22:02

@Jadelr im 2 months post miscarriage and feel the same way. I had this feeling like the world owed me a baby. Everyone’s super fertile after miscarriage, right? It’ll happen the first month! Wrong!

I was in a bit of a dark place last month and I was finding the whole thing really really lonely, but I actually think this group has helped me a lot. Granted you don’t know these women personally but there’s so much support, and it’s so so nice to see you aren’t alone and there are other people having your same experience who in time, do get their positives.

Please keep talking and posting and maybe the tww will become just a bit more bearable xx

So sorry for your loss, unfortunately I know all to well how that feels 😞 but you have hit the nail on the head I did/still do feel like the world owes me a baby. I became so bitter after my miscarriage, I was angry, upset all kinds of emotions came over me because I just couldn't process what had happened to me. I will forever wonder "why me" but then when you come onto a forum like this you realise it's not just you it happens too it unfortunately happens to so many women.

I remember being so excited reading you're more fertile after a miscarriage and then when it didn't happen that made me worse. It's so draining, I'm constantly wanting back what I had and I'm hopeful I will get there one day! I agree it is nice to come on here and speak about things even though we are all strangers we can all relate in one way or another. And like you say it makes the whole TTC/TWW that little bit more bearable! We will get our rainbows one day 🌈 Xx

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HashB · 04/09/2023 22:02

@Jadelr im 2 months post miscarriage and feel the same way. I had this feeling like the world owed me a baby. Everyone’s super fertile after miscarriage, right? It’ll happen the first month! Wrong!

I was in a bit of a dark place last month and I was finding the whole thing really really lonely, but I actually think this group has helped me a lot. Granted you don’t know these women personally but there’s so much support, and it’s so so nice to see you aren’t alone and there are other people having your same experience who in time, do get their positives.

Please keep talking and posting and maybe the tww will become just a bit more bearable xx

Original poster
Jadelr · 04/09/2023 21:39

moosey89 · 04/09/2023 21:15

@Jadelr it is so so hard to do! Sound so simple too, right? "oh just relax"!

To be honest, first time around I did get totally wrapped up in it for the best part of a year. After that I stopped being so intensely focused, but it still took 18 months to get pregnant. So I would say whilst relaxing does help, it also isn't always the answer. The world of ttc is sent to try us!x

Exactly! It is so difficult to relax when it's all you want and yes relaxing does help abit but that's not what gets you pregnant haha, it's so frustrating isn't it! We will get there one day and all of this stress and heartache will be worth it, I know for sure. It's just getting there seems like it's never ending some days, some days it's all I think about and then in the TWW I'm so consumed by it all that I feel like I can't focus on anything else, which I need to snap out of before I drive myself insane 😂 it's nice to come on here and find people in similar positions as it can feel really lonely at times, especially when all my family and friends seem to fall pregnant so quick so they can never seem to relate to how I'm feeling x

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