Starting TTC again after missed miscarriage

I'm so sorry @Poppy10121, it's hard hearing somebody else's news. Sending love 💕

A colleague has just announced their pregnancy today, I felt like I'd been stabbed in the chest (literally - was a weird and horrible feeling) but I didn't cry this time so maybe it's getting easier...

I had a little look at that thread @skyblue20 but couldn't read far, I'm sure that's what a lot of people think and it's upsetting but without having experienced it they just don't know. It made my blood boil so had to close that tab!

My close friends were lovely about the MMC and I did tell some others a bit but no details, I said to my boss it was fine for people at work to know why I was off but I don't think he really told anyone.

[quote PurplePansy05]@SkyBlue20 That link - oh, for crying out loud...don't even bother reading these threads lovely! Bloody attention seeking trolls who are so clueless it hurts. The fact she posted it on MN making it all about herself tells you all you need to know. I would respond to her but I'll restrain myself as that would blow her socks off that stupid bitch! (excuse my French!). Glad I don't have friends like her, she'd be out the fucking door before she even steps in.[/quote]
😂 I’ve replied but tbh it’s lost in a sea of other ‘don’t be so effing inconsiderate’ posts. It’s exactly what we were saying yesterday about not knowing how bad MC is until you go through it, only heightened!

@purplepansy05 No need to be sorry - you’re right, we’ve all been through some absolutely terrible experiences and to be honest, I really think that needs to change. I understand that the NHS is so underfunded and understaffed but it’s not hard to treat people going through loss in a way that is considerate to their situation whilst still being efficient and getting done what needs to be done. I definitely haven’t bottled up my experience as I found sharing it helped me - and I read a LOT of other people’s experiences online when I was going through it so like to think mine might be out there for others who need it too - i found it was good to know what to expect. We shall (and already have in some ways) come out of it stronger - we’re amazing!

@SkyBlue20 That link - oh, for crying out loud...don't even bother reading these threads lovely! Bloody attention seeking trolls who are so clueless it hurts. The fact she posted it on MN making it all about herself tells you all you need to know. I would respond to her but I'll restrain myself as that would blow her socks off that stupid bitch! (excuse my French!). Glad I don't have friends like her, she'd be out the fucking door before she even steps in.

@Starfish762 but I’m aware that sentence alone makes me old this is sooo true! I said to DH I often catch myself these days sounding like my mum and when I was younger I thought what she was talking about was really dull 😂

Oh gosh @SkyBlue20 I'm sorry, I didn't know your full story in detail, I focused on the positive end (MVA) but your whole story sounds horrendous. I don't really know what to say, apart from showing solidarity with you, it's crap we're treated poorly at the most difficult time in our lives. I don't know what you feel is better for you. As you know I had a traumatic experience with medical management and didn't talk about it for months, thought it would go away if I bottle it up. It didn't for me and I had to work through it to process it properly before moving forward. But I know this is a difficult experience and each one of us needs to deal with it in the right way for us and at the right time. I'm glad you told us all of this, you're not alone with this. We all may have had different stories, but equally all of us can relate to some or most of what you've described (sadly) so we all get it. I took a lot of comfort after my first and "worst" loss in watching women who also had bad experiences, more losses etc., reading their online stories to see that whilst it was very hard, they came out the other end. It gave me hope at that time. Now I guess I ended up in their shoes in some ways. I kind of understand in hindsight that this hardship won't defeat us. This too shall pass and we'll all come out of this stronger. 🌈

[quote Starfish762]@PurplePansy05 No honeymoon period for us either, 12 years together married for almost 5! I still feel like I’m 22 I dunno where the time’s gone, but I’m aware that sentence alone makes me old

How frustrating about the hospital, honestly how hard can it be surely they have a list of things to do & check off

We’re putting our house up for sale & someone come round yesterday to put a board up & when I looked out the window it said ‘SOLD’ - seriously you had 1 job! 😂🙈[/quote]
We've been together 12 years, too and every time I say it I think 'how did I get this old?' 😂 Am only 33 so not exactly past it but it's just saying you've been together for twelve years, it sounds so grown up 😂

How frustrating about the house sign! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh wow, just reading this...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3956127-To-get-annoyed-that-friend-is-making-a-big-deal-out-of-a-misicarriage-after-2-days-months-later

@PurplePansy05 No honeymoon period for us either, 12 years together married for almost 5! I still feel like I’m 22 I dunno where the time’s gone, but I’m aware that sentence alone makes me old

How frustrating about the hospital, honestly how hard can it be surely they have a list of things to do & check off

We’re putting our house up for sale & someone come round yesterday to put a board up & when I looked out the window it said ‘SOLD’ - seriously you had 1 job! 😂🙈

Morning all!

@PurplePansy05 I definitely didn't have a great overall experience and I do wonder if that is due to Covid, however my MVA itself was good. I was fobbed off a LOT, I was forced to wait three weeks for expectant management, then I pushed and pushed to not have to wait it out any longer and was forced to do medical rather than surgical, which I was terrified of and it ultimately failed after a horrendous day on the ward. Then they wanted me to do medical again and again I had to fight for surgical... then they weren't doing it under general so I had to have it under local, which, again, I didn't want and was terrified of. It took three weeks for me to even speak to a doctor to be told what was going on properly - she was incensed that miscarriage hadn't even been explained to me, nor had my options, and that I just kept being told 'come back next week'. So my MVA was one good day of service in five weeks of really bad service. It was the height of Covid, so I'm willing to give some allowances for that but they absolutely did not see the person behind the miscarriage - there was no comforting and it wasn't until my second or third scan that I actually understood what exactly they could and couldn't see on the scans (though I knew it had failed). So yeah, not good at all really. It's actually making me a bit sad just thinking back through all of that - how on Earth do we do it, ladies?! Alone, too! We're stronger than we know 💕

@Poppy10121 We told all of our close friends and family about the MMC - even those who we hadn't told about the pregnancy. We decided it shouldn't be a secret - it was one of the worst things we've been through in our lives (DH likened it to when his dad passed) and I couldn't face saying 'yeah fine' when people asked how we were. Also thought it would be good to be open and honest as then if any of our friends or family go through it, they know they can talk to us - we had no idea who we could turn to. We found we got some really lovely support - the amount of flowers, cards and texts we got was really quite something - and with people asking how we were all the time, they got a full rundown of how much it was to deal with, all of the hospital appointments, the two days admitted, the surgical, etc. So many people were so shocked and had no idea - including a friend of ours who we found out had had a MC. A MMC is a whole different ballgame. However, I know it's such a personal decision and everyone deals with it differently, that's just how worked best for us. It's certainly made me know for sure who I'd tell about the pregnancy early on next time, too.

@JoJo58995 Absolutely agree about feeling prepared for next time (if there is one) - it's one of the reasons I'll stick with my hospital, too - I know what's what there now and I think that's a big part of it. I was so new to it all and naive last time, now I'm more prepared and would know how to stand up for myself more and dictate what I needed. Even little things like knowing exactly where to go really help!

CD26 over here, still a bit nauseous and a bit crampy but could go either way I think. Trying to prepare myself for AF arriving but (not so) secretly hoping she doesn't and constantly symptom spotting...

@Starfish762 A Welshie! Well, a Cardiffian, not sure if this counts as a true Welshie 😉 Geordie Shore in its early days was my guilty pleasure 😳 These days, Married At First Sight does it for me how times changed

You're right, you need to use the same stick throughout one cycle. So that means your LH is very likely still rising. It's exhausting to have so much sex, isn't it! DH and I have been together for 7 years, it's not the honeymoon phase anymore 😂

@Sakura54 I can't believe the treatment at an abortion clinic was more compassionate. I wish the EPUs didn't have a sausage factory approach to us.

On that note, I just had a call from my hospital telling me they forgot to do a blood test on me after my MVA so I need to go in and have it done, otherwise genetic testing of my pregnancy tissue can't be done. I am praying I'm not pregnant again because clearly this might distort the result. Fml. They had one job!!!

I didn’t know anything about MCs until my bro told me recently (his wife had MM and stayed in hospital). I was shocked that there was such a fine line between MC and abortion....then I went through it myself at an abortion clinic that I had to stressfully arrange! I think even if London hospitals started offering SM again, I would go back to the clinic as I was treated well despite them probably thinking I was a young girl that got pregnant by accident.

Personally, I don’t expect to get pregnant so I don’t act differently. I didn’t even know about the TWW (tbh there was a lot I didn’t know about before I joined MN recently including MMCs). I deffo think drinking etc before knowing wouldn’t have caused your MCs but it’s understandable to wonder if you did something wrong e.g my bloody in-laws smoke like chimneys and I was there for days around the time baby died. Obviously I won’t be going back there for a long time (also due to the fact they don’t even socially distance which kinda pisses me off).

@Poppy10121 that book sounds interesting! Everything crossed for you that AF is not on her way

@PurplePansy05 Maybe our cycles are in tune I’m onto the second box but still using the digital same ‘stick’ from the first box yes, I think that’s right?! We’ve been DTD every day or every other day for 3 weeks we want a rest lol. I’ll keep on with the testing & hope for the best, pricey first cycle lol.

Are you a geordie btw? I am! Maybe you’re just a geordie shore fan!

@JoJo58995 I feel totally the same as you about the TWW & drinking anxiety after MC. My first pregnancy I was chilled & found out I was pregnant a few days after a friends 30th party, I wasn’t plastered but I definitely had more than a few! All was fine. Same happened this time after a zoom ‘party’ - and I still blame myself that it could’ve contributed to the MC. I’m meant to be at drinks this Sat 4th July & AF is not due until 13th(ish) so the same could happen again. My plan is therefore to take it easy, but that’s not my style & I do get carried away after a few. Two of my friends there know the situation & keep telling me how it won’t affect anything without the placenta, but it’s still a cloud of worry & should I / shouldn’t I. Like you say MH is also important & a big blow out with my friends is what I need after 4 months of lockdown, but it’s all just a worry & the cloud of guilt. If I take it easy no doubt AF will come & I’ll regret not having relaxed & enjoyed myself properly. DH thinks if I don’t relax fully & only have a few drinks it’ll hit me harder if I get BFN, but he obviously doesn’t understand the anxiety I’ll feel if I get a BFP after having gone wild

@JoJo58995 I had the same guilt as you for drinking because I didn't get a positive test right away with the last pregnancy - I 'felt' like I was pregnant but every time before I went out for a meal or a drink I tested and got a negative result, so I definitely shared some bottles of wine and even had one evening where I got properly drunk which must, looking back, have been at about 4 weeks pregnant. When I told the midwife/doctor/EPU they all dismissed the idea that it would have any impact at all that early. I also read a book called Expecting Better that talks in detail through all the studies of what you should/shouldn't do, and that one also supports the idea that some alcohol is not damaging. Having said all that, this time around I am being careful that if I have a drink in the TWW it is one drink and not ten. Lockdown makes it easier - even when we are going to see friends I am going in the car so I have to drive back!

@Smilingdonkey I did actually end up telling a lot more people about the MMC than I told about the pregnancy, and I would tell more next time. I guess what I mean is that I've said to a lot of people "I had a miscarriage" but what I haven't said is anything more about what that actually involves and the impact it's had on us, so I guess I am contributing to the idea you see on telly that it's a single "event" and then over and everyone moves on.

I'm really not enjoying work this week and keep hoping that I get a BFP soon so I can dream about a year away from it! AF due tomorrow, feeling a bit nauseous today but it might just be nerves!

Jojo no I just used the one the hospital gave me to take.

@ew1990 did you get a negative on an IC after your MC? Fingers crossed it's just super early and will get stronger 🤞🤞🤞🤞

@PurplePansy05 I completely agree about the drinking. Sadly I'm much better at reassuring other people about these things, and then struggle to follow my own advice without beating myself up.
It is indeed a rollercoaster, one which a lot of people don't see. I have 2 close friends (one of which I work with daily) who are due within a few days of when I was (I was due on my birthday 🤦‍♀️) so I have a lot of regular reminders of where I would have been. There is absolutely zero resentment from me (actually one of them has had 5 years of hell to get where she is and I said from the beginning that if one of us were to lose our baby that it should be me because her and her husband deserve this so much), but I do spend a lot of time smiling and telling everyone I'm ok about everything that has happened to us. I can take the positive of being more kind and empathetic towards others, and I believe that everything happens for a reason so if/when it's our time it will be, but then I feel like I have to hide my lows as I don't want people to see the emotional rollercoaster going on inside. I do need to learn to be more gentle with myself, just ride out my emotions and let myself feel what I feel.

Oh @Starfish762 I feel like I jinxed it for you! Is this the CD25 curse! It's so frustrating. You're right, you are meant to use them once a day. It is possible they'll missed the surge, it can only last 5-6 hrs sometimes. But then you'd likely have one more flashing smiley and then nothing, so it's probably still rising. That's so annoying, I was climbing the walls using the second pack of CB Digital OPKs when that happened to me!

One question - are you on the second pack yet and did you continue to use the same "head" (I don't know what it's called, but I mean the digital indicator)?

@Workingmama1 They are, aren't day! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who did that 😂 My determination to lie down flat sadly didn't result in a BFP but in Geordie Shore language, I successfully cock-blocked myself and couldn't TTC for weeks because of the UTIs 🤦🏼‍♀️ note to self: never again!

@jojo thank you. And I got a barely there line on a IC that detects 10miu or whatever it is but on a boots test it wasn't even a squinter

@JoJo58995 Hey! On the drinking point, not so long ago when sensitive hpts weren't available, most women wouldn't know they were pregnant until much later than us. So naturally they went about their normal lives, drinking, smoking etc. I'd like to think the fact that our parents are in the baby boomers generation is a positive sign that a bit of that in early pregnancy until you don't know you're expecting makes no difference. Obviously TTC isn't the time to go out and get plastered every weekend, but I think looking after our MH is equally important. We're coming out of lockdown, low social interactions, of course baby loss on top of it all - I'll definitely raise a glass or three of gin with my friends when I can (we're still waiting in Wales).

Also what you're describing about feeling emotional sounds very familiar. It's never straightforward for us! I feel like 25% of my life, i. e. about a week a month is when I feel good. The rest of the time I'm emotional/bloated/irritable/impatient to test/sad I'm not pregnant (and then at some point pregnant, going through all the symptoms and then sad about losing it), and here we go again. When I step back from it, it's pretty crazy. I see it more when you describe it on this thread, just how hard it is. I don't notice this so much myself, but it's been quite an eye-opener for me to pause and be gentler about how I feel myself as there's so much going on physically and emotionally, it's a roller-coaster.

@purplepansy05 @Starfish762 I also ended up with a nasty uti after lying with my bum in the air, needed two doses of antibiotics to clear it but also resulted in my daughter so 🤷‍♀️ not done it this cycle though, might try next time. UTIs are a real bitch though

@ew1990 ahhh that's good you have a negative after MC so fingers crossed this is a new pregnancy 🤞🤞🤞🤞 keep us updated!

@SkyBlue20 I'm so sorry you also went through a delay after failed medical management 😔 Trying to find my positives from it all I think it's made me much better prepared if I should find myself in a similar position in the future (I really hope none of us ever do, but my brain doesn't want to let me feel too optimistic yet!) I feel like I went into this process clueless about the options, whereas now I know what to expect to some degree, and I would insist on follow up scans etc to make sure that everything was complete.

With the drinking in the TWW thing....I struggle with it. I hardly have any caffeine anyway, switched to decaf coffee when I was pregnant and had fewer headaches so have stuck with it. But alcohol is harder as DH and I do like a drink. My first BFP was just after New Year....I had come off the pill less than 4 weeks before and had tried not to think about anything and take a relaxed approach. I was always aware that I would need to try to find out early if I was so I could stop drinking, but didn't want the pressure of not drinking 'just in case'.... so I had a lot of booze over Christmas and New Year. After a few nausea waves I did a test just after Christmas which was BFN, so carried on as normal. I actually got a BFP a few days into the new year, randomly poas after a few drinks and have never been so shocked to see a BFP. Instantly panicked about the drinking but couldn't do anything about it, and didn't touch a drop after seeing that BFP. CB said 1-2 weeks so I had picked it up early. To be honest I think I thought I might MC very early because of all the drinking, but things progressed as they should at least initially. I carry a lot of guilt around that I could have contributed to my MC with the drinking. From everything I have read and everyone I have spoken to they assure me it wouldn't have affected things as I saw a healthy scan at 8w, and if it was going to cause a MC then it would have done so earlier. I know people who have continued drinking throughout pregnancy and everything has been fine, but it still niggles at me. I told my midwives and they said it is so common that people drink before they realise and go on to have healthy pregnancies. Because of what happened it has contributed to me not being as relaxed about TTC, as I'm not sure whether it is ok to drink much and I'm thinking about what might be going on before just pouring a glass of wine. I have only had the odd drink in the last 10d, but last night I did have a few glasses of wine because I feel sure I'm out this month and am waiting for AF. I woke up early this morning from a dream that I had just had a BFP (cruel brain) so toddled off to poas but its stark white, so I'm thinking I'm going to have a few drinks this weekend as I have a few days off work.
I've felt really low the last few days. I'm sure it's just PMS hormones and the fact that my sister isn't now allowed to come and stay this weekend which I'd been really looking forward to. I found myself having a little cry 2 nights ago and I couldn't even tell myself what I was upset about. Then the next minute I feel irritable and snappy which I don't like. Everything was so balanced when I was on the pill, but I guess this is just part of being a woman and I have to get used to this each month. I have different twinges in my uterus that I had for a few weeks before my MVA and have continued intermittently since, I'm trying to switch my racing brain off from thinking about what they might be and how I really hope I don't have any lasting issues from what happened, as there isn't anything I can do about that now. Sorry this has turned into a bit of a long post rambling on about everything!

For those of you still waiting to test, I salute you and am sending positive vibes and baby dust to you all 🥰 for everyone with BFNs I'll be here with you next month 🤞🤞