TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

@marmitecheesetoast Personally I didn’t think the helpline was for me either, talking to a stranger probably only one time and then on the phone too. But it’s good that it’s there. Hope you’re ok. It’s confusing to hen you have the bleeding but most likely your body just needs to recovers. My cycle is still a bit irregular over a year later.

Thanks @BeetheQueenBee that’s good to hear, glad it was helpful for you and you made a good connection through it. I did ring the helpline but didn’t find it very helpful. Probably a lot depends on who you get at the time though.

Yes that thread and sentiment is very difficult for us to hear, but I can well imagine myself feeling like that in a previous life so I guess it’s difficult.

Day 6 of bleeding/potential first period/potential continuation of lochia here

I have also started hiding threads that are bothering me so I don’t keep seeing them in the “active” section.

@peperethecat It’s true and we’re not wrong for feeling this way. I suppose they’re not wrong either. I try to remind myself that most people have lost something or working towards something. No one has it all, all of the time. Eg I have a friend who talks to me about her children and she knows I lost my baby and that’s fine. I also know she’s lost her mum. If we were all sensitive to what others might be feeling then we’d never say anything if that makes sense. I couldn’t say I was annoyed with my mom or sister because someone will have lost a mum and a sister. I can complain about work but someone else might badly want a job or otherwise be struggling financially. I could complain about an expensive hen do but someone else could be feeling so low as they feel they don’t have any friends. I have a friend who had a healthy baby at the same time my baby was stillborn but her her husband left her for another woman so for all I know she’s envious of my life.

I’m not disagreeing with you in saying this by the way. I completely feel the way you do. The number of times I’ve heard people complaining about being at home with their kids during lockdown as well! But it helps me to realise that many people will be missing something, even if it’s not a child, and maybe it will help others.

@BeetheQueenBee I guess those of us who have been TTC for a while are in a weird, lonely little corner of Mumsnet, aren't we? The majority of posters already have children, and most of the ones on the TTC boards will get pregnant within 6 months and have a healthy pregnancy. I think the number of women who understand what it's like to lose a baby or a pregnancy or suffer from infertility is quite low, and most don't even think about it. So from our point of view we see these people moaning about things we consider to be utterly trivial, and think they don't appreciate their enormous privilege and good luck, whereas for them it's just normal.

Hi ladies

I am a regular but have NC

@VenusStarr I’m sorry to read you have shingles. How are you now?

@clitterratti I completely get the need to feel in control somehow. I haven’t tracked for months but I am tempted to this month as my Ovia predictions have changed (ov seems to have moved from around day 14 to day 20 which is a big change when cycle is not much longer)

@marmitecheesetoast I attended a Sands meeting on Zoom and that was really good. I actually preferred it to the face to face one especially as my sands meeting is a 45 min drive away plus I ended up getting in touch with one of the other ladies one on one and that’s been nice. They have a helpline but I haven’t used it.

@peperethecat I agree with you but there are so many threads like that on Mumsnet and it is hard to avoid them all. I remember reading one last year about a woman who was so upset the child wasn’t the sex she was hoping for. The mat leave ones are annoying. My mat leave last year was spent at home arranging a funeral and then grieving so yes I’d take mat leave on lockdown with a healthy baby too.

I have a friend who lost her first baby last year when I did, near full term too, and she had had her second baby already. I’m pleased for her but even she was saying to me recently that her mat leave isn’t what she’d planned and her baby is missing out. I get what’s she’s saying but she knows I lost my first baby like she did, I had a MC since then and I’m still TTC so it was tough for me to be sympathetic about that.

Otherwise I’m ok. On CD6 so going to check whether I have enough CB advance tests to test this month.

I hope you are all doing well.

I didn't think TAATs were allowed.

@peperethecat
Here's a thread about the thread you are talking about.

Grieving Maternity leave thread. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/3902570-Grieving-Maternity-leave-thread

I've been getting myself really wound up reading that thread in AIBU about the poster "grieving" about her maternity leave not going as planned.

Someone actually said that nobody would want to be in the OP's position right now.

YES I WOULD.

Seriously, I would give absolutely anything to be on maternity leave with my healthy baby right now and not still here at square -100 (because I feel further from having a baby now than I did the day I got my coil out) wondering whether my next pregnancy will be the one that works out or simply miscarriage no.5.

If you can use the word "grieving" to describe your disappointment about not having the maternity leave you'd hoped for then surely I can use it to describe my feelings about all my future pregnancies in which I will never be able to relax and enjoy myself and believe that my baby is really coming.

Peeing on things makes you feel like you’re doing something.

Thanks @footprintsintheslow SANDS didn’t have any counsellors available at the moment but I had my first session with a private counsellor via Zoom a few days ago. It’s a bit odd though, face to face would definitely be better but not an option for now. Apparently My local SANDS group are going to start setting up online support meetings soon so I’ll maybe give them a go too. Definitely very much in shock, but a few more ugly crying sobbing days the last few days which the counsellor said was probably a good thing as means I’ve started to move out of the shock phase.

Feeling a bit stuck and not sure what my body is up to at the moment. Still light bleeding 🤔

I like peeing on things too.

Stay strong x

Hello my lovely lady friends,

I've been testing every morning; I do three different types of tests because I have quite a lot.

I do:

1. Ovulation test (Lh)
2. Pregnancy test
3. Ketosis test

From next week I will add:
Progesterone tests and other fertility tests.

I'm bored and I have the pee and all of this makes me feel like I'm in control of something. I don't know what, but something. I find no joy anywhere except in food and imaginary shopping.

I hope you are all well and finding days getting easier.

Thanks for sharing this @peperethecat I know Jennie via Instagram and she interviewed me last year as part of her mum's voice series (yet to be published). I think it's such a brilliant article. The thing that stood out for me was why isn't miscea public health issue? Madness.

Thank you for sharing that @footprintsintheslow I missed it yesterday, will see if its on catch up. Just had a good chat with my boss and offloaded some of my anxieties, so feeling a bit lighter.

Hope everyone is OK xx

Just going to leave this here.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/may/05/my-four-miscarriages-why-is-losing-a-pregnancy-so-shrouded-in-mystery

@VenusStarr and EVERYONE on bbc 5 live radio they've just said that they are doing a feature on living with grief during lockdown. It's on the drive time show 4-7.

@VenusStarr can you go sick. Shingles really does require test and working from home is not restful.

@marmitecheesetoast these days are inevitable and they come and go. We all understand what you are saying and we all experience the same. You will still be in shock and you are grieving. Can you access online counselling through Sands? Also please keep posting as you aren't alone. Can you have some rest too. Can your partner take your three year old so you can just cry and sleep? X

Sorry to hear that @VenusStarr that sounds horrible. Hope you start to feel better ASAP. It definitely sounds like you could do with a break, as and when that’s possible?

I’m struggling today. Just can’t comprehend the unfairness and senseless of what happened. Stillbirth just wasn’t even on my radar before, miscarriages yes but not stillbirth, and I feel so naive now. And scared about what could go wrong in any future pregnancy if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again.

I’ve still got this weird light bleeding but with none of my usual period symptoms so still trying to decide if it’s a weird first period or the lochia possibly starting up again - after over a week of no bleeding though so I’m not sure.

Hope everyone else is ok x

Thanks for your message @footprintsintheslow it's sadly on my face 😔 from the side of my nose down my check and by my mouth. Its really getting me down. I'm working from home and it's very busy at the moment. It strange, when it kicked off last week I was feeling very stressed about work. I guess that on top of everything else this last tear, my body has just said stop. My last mc was a chemical in February but had 2 MMCs in April and September last year.

@VenusStarr where are your shingles? I get Shingles Recurrence so mine comes back about twice or three times a year when I'm run down. Normally after a pregnancy or miscarriage too.

Are you able to rest?

My GP thinks I might have shingles :( I'm halfway through my tww but with this in the mix I'm not hopeful at all. I'm on antibiotics and an antibiotic cream. I was really unwell on Friday. You know when you just feel you can't catch a break??

How is everyone else getting on @BunnytheBee @Mumlili9 @marmitecheesetoast @footprintsintheslow @clitterratti x

@marmitecheesetoast for the cross
Stitch you could get some squared paper and draw the words out. Each square would correspond to one cross. You could do a border too and look on Pinterest for inspiration.

Thanks @BunnytheBee I’m sure you’re right. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, 28 weeks was bad enough so I can only imagine going through this at 40 weeks with a perfectly healthy baby.
Life is so cruel sometimes.

Thanks @Mumlili9 for your kind words and I’m so sorry for your losses. I’ve tried to learn on and off to crochet it’s never gone well! I am so terrible at crafts. But I want to do a cross stitch for my DS with his name, weight, time of birth etc.., which should keep my busy/stressed probably! Just need to figure out where to start

Hope you get some clarity soon @clitterratti

I’m still on with the light bleeding so thinking it’s most likely a weird very light period despite signs of Ov a few days prior

do not fo

I’m not sure @clitterratti I’ve been late before and it’s just been a late period but I am a bit irregular since I had my daughter. Will you test again if a few days if AF doesn’t come? I think that’s all you can fo

I am well over a week late and I have a bouquet of bfn's sitting my my trash can.

I'm usually very regular. I just don't know what to do, my LH seems to be low, so that should mean af is on her way, right? My boobs hurt like a mf right now.

Welcome to the new members, I am so sorry to find you here.