Grieving Maternity leave thread.

[MissHoskins]

I can see now that it's gone and I don't want to make this a TAAT but that was the most appalling thread I've ever read. Some of the responses were horrific.
I realise that MNHQ cannot monitor every thread but as your mods pop onto threads every now and again. Isn't there some way you can operate damage limitation on a thread that in the beginning has several nasty responses.
Some posters just kept coming back to give the op another kicking.
It felt a bit like watching a cruel group kicking a puppy or kitten to death.

I read the OP and chose not to respond because I thought she was being ridiculous. She also came prepared to fight her corner, so no, it wasn’t like watching an innocent animal get kicked to death. She was silly and entitled. Under normal circumstances I would be more compassionate but people are dying alone and families are grieving and suffering.

The Op wasn’t silly and entitled. She had spent 9 months of a pregnancy planning and preparing everything she was going to do with her baby and is now unable to do anything. She feels robbed. That doesn’t take away from the pain anyone else is going through and the tough time they are facing.

@toilet stripes. Thanks for your response.

I didn't comment but did read it and OP started the thread having read the many other threads about the ridiculous petition going around. She knew how it was going to go and was ready for a fight as Toilet said.

@RyanStartedTheFire
🤣🤣

It's not toilet Ryan

Oh, I coped Toilet from your post above mine Miss teach me to skim read!

@Toilenstripes have you ever taken maternity leave out of interest?

Read the OP, agreed entirely, cuddled my lockdown baby that nobody has been allowed to see and the thread went poof.

Pretty appalled to hear that people can be so awful. I had to take my baby to actual A&E a couple of weeks ago because there is no normal postnatal care available and nobody answering 111. If you’ve ever been in that position, feel free to call us self-indulgent.

If your going to put your thoughts on here you got take the good with the bad

Everyone has had to adapt to a new way of living and feel they have been robbed of valuable time With family

Hi there,

We did post on that thread twice, and we deleted many posts that were not in the spirit of Mumsnet or otherwise broke Talk guidelines. In the end we had no other option other than to delete it.

We rely on reports from users, as we are not a pre-moderated site, so there is no way we could have anticipated how the thread was going to go until we started receiving reports.

Hope this answers your question OP, and thanks for raising your concerns.

The OP had read loads of other threads which was the point of her thread...she said she was reacting to those.

Some posters have been unecessarily unpleasant on similar threads.

Which OP had clearly seen so to start a thread about 'grieving' the MAT leave they wanted, was going to elicit certain responses. Given many people are literally grieving the loss of someone they love due to COVID and their lives will never be the same again, it was crass and insensitive.

And there are many parents who have actually lost children (not by COVID) who would also feel the OP was crass and insensitive.

OP apologised for using that word later on but many just read the OP and respond to that.

I agree, and if you looked at previous / historic posters many of the people calling her self-indulgent were the ones who had said in other threads how ‘vital’ baby groups and socialising was for them. I just think rather than close down the discussion MN could have just banned the worst of the trolls.

As a bereaved mother I avoid these threads. It is just easier.

I stayed away from that thread because I knew it would be horrible. I'm also on mat leave and this will be my last baby and is the last year before my oldest goes to school, so actually I had planned a very specific vision of my leave. My DP has overcome some mental health struggles recently and my parents are very elderly, so I was really planning on making the absolute most of this time and it was devastating when lockdown started shortly after my son was born. And let's not forget what mat leave is actually for - recovering from birth and raising a baby, which beyond the early weeks is much more difficult to do in a world that is operating so far from normalcy.

Why does me being devastated belittle anyone elses experience? How is it saying others aren't suffering? I thought the mums point was that regardless of what you think of the petition, was people on mumsnet of all places were acting absolutely dreadfully towards mums on mat leave which the OP thought was completely unnecessary, and I'm inclined to agree.

And I have seen plenty of times the mumsnet pile on which I always think is horrible even when the OP might deserve it

It felt a bit like watching a cruel group kicking a puppy or kitten to death.

really ffs?

And there are many parents who have actually lost children (not by COVID) who would also feel the OP was crass and insensitive.

Now imagine losing a lockdown. One of my twins just mysteriously vanished while I was pregnant last year and I was devastated and spent the whole of my pregnancy worried that I would lose the other. If it hadn’t been for my NCT friends, physically meeting family / friends I don’t know where I’d be.

(Then I had baby in Dec and we had CV. I developed PNA and the one thing that helped me cope (meeting people) has been taken away. I totally get why people think their mat leaves in this crisis are disappointing and fully sympathise with anyone going through a rough time.

@ALovelyBitOfSquirrel
It felt a bit like watching a cruel group kicking a puppy or kitten to death.

hmm really ffs?
Yes to me it did,I saw the vitriol over and over by some posters. I've reported this as TAAT so this will all disappear soon

Just goes to show that the cunts will always be cunts.
@GrumpyHoonMain
That must have been terrible for you.

I read the post and I didnt agree with the OP but chose not to say anything. I sort of guessed how the thread would go.

Thanks @RivkaMumsnet for your response.
AIBU is particularly vicious and cruel, when you leave cruel comments to stand because this site isn't "pre moderated" but moderators often drop into threads and I've seen that happen a lot. Then it's smacks of double standards. MNHQ feel free to drop into threads whenever they want to but can't moderate and delete comments because "it's not pre moderated"
Definitely not in the spirit @JustineMNHQ

Don't worry folks another one has started

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3905451-Feeling-slightly-robbed-of-my-maternity-leave

@StrawBeretMoose you’re a bit of a troll to be honest.