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Original poster

Is my live-out nanny eating too much of my food?

88 replies

confusedperson · 23/11/2011 20:48

I just hired a live-out nanny for my two DC. Before hiring, she asked if she is allowed to eat our food. To be honest, I hadn't thought about it, so I said yes thinking that she will eat what is served for children (normal quality food which I would eat myself). I have a meal plan and I always half-prepare lunch and tea myself, she only needs to cook/serve.
To my surprise, I noticed that a lot more food is consumed than the provided lunch, tea and snacks. Like the almost the whole loaf of bread per day, third of packet of spreadable butter per day (surely 1 adult and 2 under 4 wouldn't eat that much?), 8 yogurts that I bought for one of my DC are gone in 3 days (usually he has 1 per day with us), a big yogurt that I bought for her is also gone, some days 3 eggs are gone (not on the menu), or half of jar of peanut butter in 2 days. I don't think she gives all that to children (cos it's not on the menu), so must be eating her self. She is a young slim girl but still... I like her otherwise, children like her too, but I feel like she is going to make me go bankrupt. It is only been 3 weeks with her, and I am still watching, but I feel it's too much. I don't want to start counting what she eats, and I don't want to demotivate her, but I think is abnormous. I just did shopping last Sunday.. .for days on, the fridge is completely empty, and still weekdays to go.
What would you do?

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TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 18:57

TO do a link you just put at the beginning and at the end.

It also explains further down how to do links.

Julesnobrain · 24/11/2011 18:42

Single village mum how much is your food allowance per week? Reason I ask is we had the OP 's problem with a live in au pair a couple if years ago. I did a thread about it. Since then we have been ok, all AP's eating 'normal' amounts but if I often wonder what would I do if I got a massive eater again

singlevillagemum · 24/11/2011 18:37

To answer the question, yes it has. She now eats her things and then if she runs out (staggering to believe but true) she asks if she can use the 'house' things or buys bits from the shop next to the school. Disgustingly (for a mum on a diet anyway) she is tiny, about a size 4!

nbee84 · 24/11/2011 18:19

As red says, if your both happy with it then it's fine. A lot of nanny jobs are early starts so not always particularly practical to be thinking of and making yourself a packed lunch at 6/6.30am (you have an 8am start so no issue there) and though she gets a nice long break when ds naps she can't just pop out to pick up a sandwich etc.

redglow · 24/11/2011 18:13

Well its up to you iggly if you both happy leave it as it is. Its not a definate rule. I think its more usual to get fed though.

Iggly · 24/11/2011 17:20

Thanks redglow. This was my first nanny and her first nanny job so didn't occur to either of us (would be different if live in). I guess I figured live out nannies get more pay to cover the cost of lunch plus she gets a nice long break in the day when DS naps so can bring her own in.

redglow · 24/11/2011 16:50

I have always been fed at work iggly. However not that amount just an odd sandwich. bit jealous you nanny is slim though.

pinkpeony · 24/11/2011 14:28

My nanny is live-in, but I ask her to write me a weekly shopping list of food she wants for herself. We keep it in a separate part of the fridge from the family food (I get mainly organic food for the DCs and don't need to provide organic food for our nanny as well, and DH and I don't eat too much at home as we work full time out of the house). It makes it much easier. Perhaps you could try the same approach with your nanny? ask her to write you a weekly list of what she needs for lunch (and snacks if you agree to provide that) at your house? Just tell her it helps you to plan ahead for your weekly shopping, as you only shop once a week and things have been running low lately - and that sometimes you get special food for the children or yourself, so would rather keep her food separate.

RumourOfAHurricane · 24/11/2011 14:17

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Original poster
confusedperson · 24/11/2011 13:05

singlevillagemum sounds very similar to my nanny!! I am amazed (my jaw is also on the floor). After you have given her food budget (on top of her wages?), has she stopped eating your things?
I wouldn't want to pay extra for my nanny for food budget (nurseries would work out cheaper after all), but I will watch and introduce some limits.
I was surprised when our 1kg butter spread was nearly gone after 4 days with her...

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedperson · 24/11/2011 13:00

Actually, I think I know what's happening: instead of eating old boring foods like pasta bolognese or soup, she probably treats herself with yogurts, fruits, spreads and probably bakery judging from disappearing eggs and butter.

OP posts:
singlevillagemum · 24/11/2011 12:55

Hi confused,

Just to add - some people have HUGE appetites. I am just settling in to having an au pair and have been amazed at how much she can put away. After the first week [and my jaw being on the floor!] I have now given her a food budget per week and she sits happily on the Tesco website looking for special offers and things. I know it is different with a live-out in terms of expectations, but to put things into perspective:
1 week: 2 packs of butter, 3 loaves of bread, 4 x 6 packs of yoghurt, pack of ham, pack of cheese, 2 jars of jam, 2 packets of biscuits, 2 packs of spaghetti, 2 packs of tomatoes, 2 boxes of cheerios, 1 box of weetabix.
This is separate to the normal sit down meals with my son and when we eat out, so just constitutes her breakfast and 'snacking'. I would imagine if she was 'live-out' it would probably put the same dent in my groceries.

Original poster
confusedperson · 24/11/2011 12:40

Thank you for all your replies. I admit that was my mistake that I hadn't thought about feeding nanny beforehand, and did not specify quantities. In the first week I didn't realise the food was going so quickly, because I hadn't checked what I had beforehand. I also especially did not want to appear mean to her.
Only after the second week I noticed that so much had gone, and in the third week I had to top up food in the middle of week. She works 8-6. She does not have playdates. She told she baked cake and muffins on 2 occasions (actually one she only told after my child told to me), if it is activity with my kids I don't mind, but then she said she baked 6 muffins and my child ate 2, so she obviously ate four, which would be fine if it does not become "baking for herself" from my products.
I am thinking to introduce diary where she should write what my children ate, then I can have a track of what else was eaten. Also I am thinking that I will buy food for a week on the weekend, and tell her that's for a week, and I write her daily instruction what foods to give to children, so she should be clear what's remaining for her. I am not going to top up in the middle of week again!!!
To make sure she is not starving there will be always bread and butter.
I am very reluctant to have a chat with her at this point, because I don't really understand what's happening, so I will let myself to observe for another week or so...
Thank you all for advices.

OP posts:
Iggly · 24/11/2011 12:17

Well I went on the basis that I don't expect work to feed me so she brings her own lunch. DS has a narrow diet so no point her eating with him. He has a 90min+ nap from 1pm so she eats lunch then. She works 8-6.

nbee84 · 24/11/2011 11:35

Iggly - have you specifically asked her to bring her own food or is it just something she has done since she started with you?

It is quite usual for a nanny to eat the food at work - if an early start then they would eat breakfast (I know I can't face eating at 6.30am before I leave home), and lunch. Only an evening meal if nanny has a particularly late finish. It's usual for a couple of reasons - you don't get a break where you can pop out to buy some lunch and it's good for the nanny to eat the same food as the children, it encourages them to eat well and they don't make a fuss because they want want nanny is eating.

However, some nannies will prefer to bring their own food - ie. if they are on a diet or if they have a food intolerance.

LadyHarrietDeSpook · 24/11/2011 11:23

Is she inviting friends round who bring children with them? Could that be part of it - if you are hosting playdates regularly and feeding more people that you think?

How many hours does she work?

Iggly · 24/11/2011 10:31

Blush I don't provide food for my live out nanny - should I be? She brings her own lunch and she can have as many drinks as she likes. Should I be?!

nannyl · 23/11/2011 23:10

I was about to say YABU until i read your post

yes that sounds rediculous Shock

when i nannied i ate all 3 meals at work, but i ate a normal amount of what the children ate...

1 bowl of breakfast cereal with a cup of tea / sandwich & piece of fruit & yogurt for lunch, / main meal of what the children ate (a small-ish adult size portion) with a piece of fruit. (often the 2 dc and me would share a couple of pieces of fruit that i would cut up... so 2 pieces between the 3 of us.

the children didnt snack so neither did I, athough if we had done baking i'd have a piece / slice of what was baked.

The children drank water so thats what i drank too.

NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain · 23/11/2011 22:24

I would just say 'I just don't know how we are getting through so much food- we went through 8 yogurts in x days could you make sure that you don't give the children more than one per day' this may be a less up front way of dealing with it?

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 23/11/2011 22:22

I'd be MUCH firmer. You need to sit down and be really clear that she is eating a disproportionate volume of food. You don't need to go into what is wrong with what she has been eating, just simply tell her 'this is what I provide for you to eat in a day - equivalent of x pieces of fruit, y biscuits etc - and anything further you wish to eat while you are at work you will need to pay for yourself.' That way you won't get into the conversation of whether she is bulimic or stealing, but can just be very straightforward about what you have budgeted for.

herhonesty · 23/11/2011 21:51

Just ask herb what food she needs and then you'll gauge whether it's appetite / kids / ducks / theft

twoofus · 23/11/2011 21:46

sorry to be flippant, but does she have a large handbag ? seems v odd that she asked about eating before being taken on ..... i think she may see you as a bit of a supermarket as well as her employer

MogandMe · 23/11/2011 21:40

For lunch I tend to have a sandwich so 2 pieces of bread, some crisps, salad bits, or warmed up left overs from the night before. I sometimes pick up something from Tesco if I fancy something else. I also help myself to bread for toast in the morning, and milk for my hot chocolate/tea. During the day if we have playdates we may make sandwiches/beans on toast/pasta and sauce.

Agree with Nick could she be using some things for cookery with the kids, feeding the ducks, does she add lots of extra veg to pasta sauces/shephherds pie etc.

nannynick · 23/11/2011 21:38

It's certainly worth raising the subject with her. Perhaps approach it from the perspective of: How are you finding the meal planner - are you finding the children are eating the meals as planned? Ask her if she is liking the meals that you have planned, if there is anything she thinks should be added/changed. Then mention that you have noticed that supplies of thing (name the things that you are most concerned about) are going faster than you expected, thus you wanted to see if she had any idea as to why such as are the children telling her that they are allowed two pots of yoghurt when you only let them have one.

Be honest with her and say that you are concerned about the food consumption due to the price of food. Sure you don't mind her making a portion of lunch for herself but consumption of food seems to be higher than you had expected. Just by talking about it, she may think more about what she is having and how that affects the family budget.

Does she make many cakes with your children? I find that butter and eggs I use quite a lot, as I bake cakes and biscuits. We also use quite a lot of cheese, such as in cheese biscuits/straws as well as in sandwiches or as a snack on it's own.