scared of tearing/episiotomy

ps - I also did the massaging the peronium(sp?) thing which may have helped.
Another tip given by a midwife was to use vaseline when going for a wee after - works as a barrier and I went through two pots of it. Sounds gross, but I put a wadge of it on my fingers and held it against the wounded area then weed over it - didn't feel a thing. Obviously a lot of handwashing after! Not sure if it's recommended really (another midwife wasn't so sure it was a good idea), but I didn't know about it first time and weeing after ds1 was born was something I dreaded as it stung so much. Anyway, it worked for me 2nd and 3rd time and I healed with no problems. Just keep the area clean and dry.
Don't flush vaseline down the loo though!

My hospital has a policy of letting women tear rather than give episiotomies as they believe that tears heal better.

With both of my births I tore. First one was nearly third degree - I had a doctor to stich me up afterwards. Second one was a second degree but not so bad, only a few stitches. Neither was particularly worse than the other in terms of pain - the stitches first time round were a bit uncomfy but then I had loads, so no real suprise. I didn't realise that I had torn during delivery until I was told afterwards, and now they are a distant memory .

All the advice here is great and I would second the one about using a bresat pad or maternity towel doubled up when going to the loo. I was given a lovely labour kit before my last birth with some healing bath salts in and they were really good at speeding up the healing process (I think it was from Little Green Earthlets).

Good luck and try to remember that it will all be worth it in the end .

Had an episiotomy and didn't feel a think re. the needle going in (although the episiotomy didn't 'take' i.e. I still felt everything).

Had episiotomy and was also torn to shreds but all that was FINE, stitches were FINE - too busy staring at the big fat BABY on my chest to worry about that end of things! Wasn't painful at all healing up, bit uncomfortable for a couple of days, that's all.

The tear through my anus gave me a lot of gip in the months to come though because it never really healed - took about 18 months before I could have a poo without hurting myself.

I expect I will tear again but I'm not bothered!

This was the scariest part for me too and I absolutely didn't want an episiotomy and I made that very clear.I read lots about positions for giving birth and which was likely to be better for me with that in mind.
As it was ,I got my way (I don't have a tiny frame by any means though, so can't speak for anyone who is quite small) and no episiotomy was needed, but I did tear a little. I was then worried about stitches, but the midwife was happy that the tear was small enough to heal itself, which it did. It took a while and at one point I thought it would never heal, but of course it did and I went on to have two further children and this part of giving birth didn't worry me at all next time around.
The trick (for me) was to concentrate totally on what the midwife was saying and do as she said as regards breathing and pushing. I haven't needed stitches after any of my childrens' births, but have had a small tear/graze each time which has healed up perfectly well on it's own.
Obviously it's not this way for everyone and some people do require stitches, but what I'm trying to say in a garbled way is that it's not definite that you will tear/need an episiotomy, and even if you do tear a little, it may not require stitching, so try not to worry too much about it now and concentrate more on the fact that you'll have a gorgeous little bundle at the end of it all and as soon as you see him/her, all that worry will be forgotten in a second! Good luck.

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i had a 3rd degree tear with my dd, and i healed really well, was stitched under a spinal so felt nothing, i can honestly say that afterwards i was fine, bit swollen obviously but was walking around in no pain really once the spinal had worn off, it wasnt that bad at all, just makes me cringe when i think how bad i tore, my mum saw dd being born and said my bits looked like a parsons nose on a chicken!!! yuk

I tore with my first one and needed stitches. Didn't feel a thing! Think you are too absorbed by the birth to feel the tear. I did have a local aneasthetic for the stitches - and again felt nothing. I was advised by the community MW to shower after going to the loo and dry with the hairdrier!!! Sounds daft but seemed to work as I healed fine!!

IN hospital

I tore quite badly when I had ds, just wanted to get him out! I didn't actually notice at the time and even afterwards it wasn't painful. I had lots of stitches but they healed without any problems. Of course it was a bit uncomfortable but nothing too bad.

The worst thing was when the mw was actually doing the stitches, she put the bed up really high and I was sure I was going to fall out. I could just imagine my first weeks of motherhood being spent win hospital with a broken leg! didn't happen though.

Starlover - I had a bumful of stiches with my 2 births. First was episiotomy second a tear. The tear was more extensive than the cut so maybe the cut was better. Both babies were exactly teh same weight (9lb 8oz).

In both cases the wound healed well, stiches caused no problems at all.

Tips - when you wee or poo at first, hold a breast pad against the wound. I used to soak it in warm water first - that way the wee didn't sting. This helps particularly with pooing as you don't get the OMG the stiches are going to burst feeling!

Second tip is to dry your undercarriage with a hairdryer on a cool setting when ever you have been to the loo/showered. This keeps the wound nice and dry and stops it getting yucky and infected.

Olive oil on your perineum (spelling?) massage it in for the last 4 weeks, then listen to the midwife and only push when she tells you to! worked for me ok (but fully understand it may not work for everyone)