"Some Women Shouldn't BE Mothers"

I share everyone's outrage at this and I hope your next experience of childbirth allows you to feel better. Making a complaint may help you feel stronger for having done something about this dreadful incident. It might also help to talk things over with a counsellor, perhaps someone who has a lot of experience in counselling parents (eg a family therapist).

Levanna, I swore out loud reading this ? will tone it down for message but 'what an evil c*w of a midwife' doesn't even begin to cover it! Am outraged on your behalf. And bewildered ? what the hell did the stupid woman mean? Her comment is ridiculous. IMO she shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a new mum ever again. As others have said, it might help to take action. If you do decide to make a complaint, the hospital wil have a Patient Advocacy and Liaison Service (known as PALS) who can guide you. Or you could contact your local Patients' Forum (details in the phone book). Did you get any help with your depression? Could you talk to someone who was around then about it? And could you mention it to the community midwife at your antenatal check ? they might be able to reassure you that this was way out of line. As others have said, MN will be here for you and will support you all the way, whatever you decide about complaining and about where to give birth.

I'm so sorry Levanna.
With my first I suffered from pnd due to my treatment by nurses. The slightest wrong look and sly comment affected me for months afterwards.
Heres how you get over it
tell everyone, over and over again until you are sick of hearing it,
then go to your gp and ask them if there is a way to make a formal complaint about the midwife. I know by experience that there is a way, but I can't remember how its done exactly.
She has in one awful and bizarre comment ruined your experiences of your newborn.
She has to be made accountable for this.

Levanna - I am gobsmacked. Not only can I not believe that someone who is meant to b a professional said such a thing, but I just can't understand WHY she said it. Did she mean that it was somehow your fault that your baby had stopped breathing? If so what utter CRAP. I think you dealt with a scary situation completely correctly.
I do think you need to take this up with the hospital, if only so that you get complete reassurance from them that this woman was wrong to think that, let alone say it.

levanna, that's such an awful thing for the midwife to say and I am so sorry you are still huanted by it.

As you say you've never told anyone about this, I take it you never queried this with the hospital? now you've told someone - mumsnet - how would you feel about talking to the staff at the hospital in question? I don't mean making a formal complaint necessarily.

I know you want a home birth this time, but that's not what I'm getting at. Can you speak to someone on the maternity unit, tell them about the incident and also how you feel it helped catapault you into depression and how you are still anxious? If I were you, I think I might need an explanation and apology from the maturnity unit. A proper recognition of the worry it has caused you, to help you move on.

Even if the midwife is no longer there, or you don't know her name, or don't want to name names, just hearing other staff take your concerns seriously could help. And if you feel daunted about approaching the unit, could you tell your story to your husband or a friend and get them to come along with you to back up your story? Or get them to approach the unit on your behalf first so why you speak to staff there, they already have background knowledge.

I hope you get lots out of mumsnet, too.

Levanna, as hmb I haven't really much advise either but I just had to tell you how horrified I was at the comment from the MW. Also as WWW some women shouldn't be midwives, and NO-BODY should make comments like that to a very new mother.
I've had 2 homebirths too(snap WWW) and have found them both such amazing experiences that if I would ever be lucky enough to have another baby I wouldn't contemplate going to hospital to have him or her(DS1 was born in hosp and it was horrid labour and birth). I feel sooooooo proud of myself for doing it at home (1st one was unplanned, he was coming out whether I liked it or not,2nd one planned with military position) that I'm sure it has played a part in me not having any PND.
Enjoy your PG and homebirth, we're all here for you.

Hi Levanna. What a truly awful thing to say to you. Some women just shouldn't BE midwives should they? She should have been supporting and reassuring you, not undermining you, but you know that. I'm gobsmacked that anyone would say this but I doubt very much you'll get someone as awful as that again - IME most midwives are wonderful. If you're contemplating a home birth (and I think they're great, I had 2 home births), this is a good home birth thread . Sorry to hear about your depression too - I expect it was more than this comment that sparked it off though (although it was an awful thing to say) wasn't it? I think for most people it's a combination of hormones and circumstances. There's no guarantee that you'll be depressed next time though (although none that you won't either) but if you are you'll get plenty of support here. I was very very anxious during this last pregnancy and kept looking for a reason for it so I do understand. I didn't really find a way of driving away the anxiety oher than having the baby though but I'm sure someone else will be able to help.

God, what a horrible, dreadful thing to have said to you!I don't know what I can say to help, but I am sending a big hug. Others with better skills than me will post I know. Hugs