Page 5 | Partner now insists baby names must begin with A after our agreement

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Esmeraldathe3rd · 26/07/2026 00:19

Oh yeah. And if you give in on this baby. Obviously all your babies will be As. And then your kids will have to have this fight with him when THEY have babies.

And you'll be the weird A family.

Calliopespa · 26/07/2026 14:49

Ok so OP I'm going to skip the discussion of the tattoo and whether he is a bully, as ultimately you seem ok about those issues (though I have questions) and move straight to trying to help you with the name.

Why don't you list your preferences and we can see if we can help.

BeanQuisine · 26/07/2026 15:25

Sorry OP, but he sounds like a complete idiot.

I just hope you don't end up with a little ABBAkromby or Arsenalia, with their names tattooed on their foreheads.

ThatMintMember · 26/07/2026 18:26

A name as the middle name to compromise?

Weirdly my husband, his sister and dad were all A names and my son is also an A name. Baby number 2 could end up being an A as one of our favourites is Alice but it's not because of the letter. Me and husbands mam would be the only ones with no A name.

What names are you considering?

Aiming4Optimistic · 26/07/2026 19:06

In my family all the men had the same first name passed down through the generations. Until my mum said no and called my brother something else. No one died!

You aren't married, so you shouldn't be taking his name and your kids should have your last name. You don't need to take him with you to register the baby and you can't be made to adhere to his choices. I think the person who is pregnant and has to give birth should get final say if agreement cannot be reached.

ParsleySageToiletDuckAndBinBags · 26/07/2026 22:26

ThatMintMember · 26/07/2026 18:26

A name as the middle name to compromise?

Weirdly my husband, his sister and dad were all A names and my son is also an A name. Baby number 2 could end up being an A as one of our favourites is Alice but it's not because of the letter. Me and husbands mam would be the only ones with no A name.

What names are you considering?

A name as the middle name to compromise?

He clearly isn't the kind of person who 'does' compromise. His idea of a compromise is to insist on getting half of his way now and then the other half a bit later.

Original poster

campalotst · 26/07/2026 22:32

I hate the tattoo, but he's covered in them so it's just another of many,

Mumsnet AI wrote the title and I didn't check it. He doesn't 'insist' he just has a strong preference. So I don't feel the title is fair.

It's just somethign that has been important to him and to me to. So he thinks I can choose any A name I like.

OP posts:

Ahwig · 26/07/2026 22:41

My mum and grandad had the same first initial and obviously surname. What this meant ( grandads rule) was any letter that came with the initial and surname in had to be left for my grandad to open even if it looked obvious that it was for one or the other.
My grandad wasn’t a control freak at all but he was unshakable on this. So years later when I came along my mum and dad were discussing names and my mums only real stipulation was that the baby (me) did not have the same first initial as either of my parents.

WonderfulSmith · 26/07/2026 23:01

He sounds like a controlling bully.

mathanxiety · 26/07/2026 23:11

lowamhsuccess · 24/07/2026 18:23

Look, OP, he didn’t think that. He really didn’t. Because that wouldn’t have been a deal, would it? That would have been you agreeing to what he wanted on both the first and surnames. Too many of us on here have been around and dealt with this nonsense from men for far too long to fall for it.

You made a deal. In the first instance, he got what he wanted with the surname. He waited it out til the next phase of the deal (pregnancy) and now conveniently ‘thought’ you also agreed to a first name beginning with A. Why would he think that? You objected to that at the time because you have had a long-term list of names that don’t start with A. You had this conversation with him back then. Presumably?

As others have said, it’s incredibly simple. Tell him he can have A if you revert to your previous name and give the child that surname. Sure, there’ll be pushback, but holding a basic boundary is completely reasonable.

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THIS.

He really is a bully, OP.

Wherethedogsits · 26/07/2026 23:17

They can have an A name as a middle name as a comprise.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/07/2026 23:21

Same initials are a nightmare for post

Miss A Camp
A Camp

who opens it ? Annie Amy or Anthea or even Albert for the second one

Calliopespa · 26/07/2026 23:21

Op which names do you like?

Sometimes there can be variants that could help make it work, eg Tony but he could be Antony on BC (I realise those names won't be the ones you want, but by way of example)

Flannelfeet · 26/07/2026 23:28

Just say "thats a great idea, I will call him/her Arsehole, after daddy" fits perfectly with you're A sweetcheeks eh? 🤭🤗

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/07/2026 23:30

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/07/2026 23:21

Same initials are a nightmare for post

Miss A Camp
A Camp

who opens it ? Annie Amy or Anthea or even Albert for the second one

Two of my DD's have the same initial. Not deliberate just happened to be names we liked and it really was a nightmare!

When the post came from school we used to have bets on who it was for/about! We were only sure on results day. Bank letters were fun!

Pinkissmart · 26/07/2026 23:50

SD1978 · 24/07/2026 19:05

I think it’s unfair to immediately label him a bully. Can you try and go through some A names together? Because as it stands, he is adamant they should start with A and you are adamant that they won’t and only your name choices will be considered, neither of you seem to want to compromise, and you both had to be there to make the baby. Can you maybe look at another letter if the theme is what he likes?

Er, OP stuck to the deal, her partner changed the goalposts

Pinkissmart · 26/07/2026 23:53

campalotst · 26/07/2026 22:32

I hate the tattoo, but he's covered in them so it's just another of many,

Mumsnet AI wrote the title and I didn't check it. He doesn't 'insist' he just has a strong preference. So I don't feel the title is fair.

It's just somethign that has been important to him and to me to. So he thinks I can choose any A name I like.

’Insist’ seems fair if he’s going back on a deal he made with you, and isn’t changing his mind.

fashionqueen0123 · 26/07/2026 23:53

campalotst · 24/07/2026 18:02

DP name begins with an A, as does his two sibling. His parents did it on purpose and they all have matching tattoos of As in a circle. The parents names start with different letters.

DP has said for quite a few years he would like his child's name beginning with an A.

I wanted to keep my surname and DP wanted me to take his. My babies names are so important to me, I have had a list on my phone for years. So we compromised and I take his as do our kids if I get to pick the babies first names with consideration of his opinions (not a name he hates). He agreed.

Now I've taking his surname he's saying the name I pick must begin with an A.

But I have my lists and not a single one on boys or girls is an A name. How do we resolve this?

Is he your husband?

Missj25 · 27/07/2026 00:02

lowamhsuccess · 24/07/2026 18:23

Look, OP, he didn’t think that. He really didn’t. Because that wouldn’t have been a deal, would it? That would have been you agreeing to what he wanted on both the first and surnames. Too many of us on here have been around and dealt with this nonsense from men for far too long to fall for it.

You made a deal. In the first instance, he got what he wanted with the surname. He waited it out til the next phase of the deal (pregnancy) and now conveniently ‘thought’ you also agreed to a first name beginning with A. Why would he think that? You objected to that at the time because you have had a long-term list of names that don’t start with A. You had this conversation with him back then. Presumably?

As others have said, it’s incredibly simple. Tell him he can have A if you revert to your previous name and give the child that surname. Sure, there’ll be pushback, but holding a basic boundary is completely reasonable.

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This post says it perfectly 👌

DelphiniumBlue · 27/07/2026 00:10

You can call the baby whatever you like. You can register the baby and its name with no input from him. The ball is in your court. If he wants to be on the birth certificate and attend the registration with you, it's in your gift. It's he who should be making the compromises here.
As it is, he wants the baby with his choice of surname and first name. He wants you to take his surname too, but has he offered marriage and the protections for you that go with it, or this all just a sham? Why does he want you to have his surname?
Who owns the property you live in? Who will look after the baby? Whose career and earning capacity will be affected? These are all questions that you need to discuss, and you need to know whether you can trust him.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2026 08:10

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/07/2026 23:30

Two of my DD's have the same initial. Not deliberate just happened to be names we liked and it really was a nightmare!

When the post came from school we used to have bets on who it was for/about! We were only sure on results day. Bank letters were fun!

Show quote history

Excalty. It’s a nightmare having same initial

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2026 08:11

Plus If dad wants his surname on kids so much he can marry you and get the protection marriage gives - If you break up

Cheese55 · 27/07/2026 08:52

campalotst · 24/07/2026 18:07

No he's not a bully he just thought the agreement included the letter A as he has mentioned that for years.

I care way more about my kids first names than my last name

Is he quite arrogant, thinking his second name is better than yours and that this child should also have a version of his first name too. The horse has bolted but I would never marry a man who insisted I change my name.

99bottlesofkombucha · 27/07/2026 08:54

Bullshit he genuinely thought baby gets my name, and any first name you like.. as long as it starts with a. Just bullshit.

Cheese55 · 27/07/2026 08:56

campalotst · 26/07/2026 22:32

I hate the tattoo, but he's covered in them so it's just another of many,

Mumsnet AI wrote the title and I didn't check it. He doesn't 'insist' he just has a strong preference. So I don't feel the title is fair.

It's just somethign that has been important to him and to me to. So he thinks I can choose any A name I like.

He's having you on when he's saying he thought the deal was an A name. He knows full well it didn't