Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Unflip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Is this stealing?!!

85 replies

Stilldreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 16:49

Background- my BF has three boys. Very unlikely to have any more kids but I know she would love a girl. She has a lot of health issues and her husband doesn't want anyone so it's highly unlikely. She picked out a name which I love for her last child, in case it was a girl. Would it be mean if I used this for my daughter that is due in a few weeks? Is she entitled to own the name? Would she be justified in feeling pissed off?!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NappingRabbit · 23/09/2016 18:24

Could you use Merryn instead? Similar but not THE name.

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 23/09/2016 18:22

You might feel yearny pangs now, but if you make up a shortlist, when she comes out you might be surprised by what names suddenly fit her face and personality. It (hopefully) will be a non-problem!

Original poster

Stilldreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 18:22

The friendship is worth more, of course. I don't think it's even worth opening up this can of worms!!!

OP posts:

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 23/09/2016 18:19

I wouldn't.

how much is the friendship worth to you?

Zippidydoodah · 23/09/2016 18:17

Oh! Well. It's not exactly a common name.

I agree with the comment above re: Isla; could try and gauge reaction if it was a common name but absolutely not with a surname.

Original poster

Stilldreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 18:11

Yes, I think I just have to put it completely out of my head and try to find another. It's SO perfect though 😬😬

OP posts:

chinlo · 23/09/2016 17:29

Okay that's not exactly a common name, lol. It was number 2328 in the ONS rankings for 2015. Does make it worse, since that's hardly a coincidental "oh, we both happened to think of and like Isla" situation.

Also it's a surname. You can find something much better

DavidPuddy · 23/09/2016 17:28

It is possible that if she knows that she will be unlikely to have a daughter then she might like the idea that the name is actually used, you never know. You could broach the subject lightly with her.

Friend: Thought of any names yet?
You: A few ideas, actually we love your idea of Mirren, but of course we can't take that from you.
Await reaction.

beela · 23/09/2016 17:23

I'd talk to her and see what she says.

Miriam as an alternative??

sycamore54321 · 23/09/2016 17:21

Just because it was her 'girl' name for her previous baby, doesn't necessarily mean it will be her first choice if she were to have another child. Some people don't like using the 'alternative' name of the next baby is the other sex, and will prefer to start afresh. So maybe she hunks like that!

Also, I think there is a big difference in someone deciding they would definitely call a hypothetical baby boy/girl X name and actually arriving at that agreement between both of the child's parents. I might have dreamed since age six of my children being called Topsy and Tim but if my partner absolutely hates those names, then it's unlikely I will use them.

Original poster

Stilldreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 17:18

Mirren

OP posts:

Zippidydoodah · 23/09/2016 17:14

Ah, I do think this would be a hurtful thing to do to her. Of all the names, in all the world.....

(what's the name?!)

Original poster

Stilldreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 17:11

That's not a bad idea but I'm pretty sure she would never suggest that name (just in case!!!!!)

OP posts:

mummarichardson · 23/09/2016 17:10

I personally wouldn't use it but maybe say 'I am really stuck in girls names, help' if she suggests the name then she would be fine with it if not then I really don't think I would use it xx

Vixxfacee · 23/09/2016 17:09

I wouldn't.

Obsidian77 · 23/09/2016 17:05

Tell her you'd like to use the name a) because it's beautiful and b) to honour your friendship. If she isn't keen then of course you can go ahead but it might be salt in the wound to her. Congrats and hope all goes well with the birth.

chinlo · 23/09/2016 17:04

She would love to have another (girl) baby, but can't, and you want to use the exact set of girl names she chose for your own baby?

That's very mean

Really? For God's sake. I'm trying to imagine picking a name I love but know I'm never going to use, and then demanding my friends and family don't use it. I just can't imagine it, I guess because I'm not such a drama queen.

Original poster

Stilldreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 17:04

I think she is more the "sensitive type" rather than laid back on these kind of things which is probably why I'm bottling out of asking her. Tbh I'm probably not going to use it....

OP posts:

AppleJac · 23/09/2016 17:02

I think its mean to use it

chinlo · 23/09/2016 17:01

If you're worried that it might upset her, then just ask. Everybody is different (as shown by the responses on here already), so this thread won't really help you much in your specific situation.

Personally I wouldn't care, but I know some people are super sensitive over stuff like this so it does no harm to check, if you think she's like that.

Original poster

Stilldreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 17:01

I guess this is the reason we been BF for 25 years- very similar tastes!!

OP posts:

OverAndAbove · 23/09/2016 17:00

She would love to have another (girl) baby, but can't, and you want to use the exact set of girl names she chose for your own baby?

That's very mean.

wayway13 · 23/09/2016 16:59

Hmmmm. There are thousands of names for you to choose from. No, I would leave it. She doesn't own the name but it'd be bad form to use it imo.

DoubleCarrick · 23/09/2016 16:59

My thinking is that it's unfair and unreasonable to put dibs on baby names. However my brother has told me what names his wife has picked even though they aren't ttc yet and I wouldn't pick there names as it's kinda a dick move once you know. It would be better to unknow if that is even possible.

BackforGood · 23/09/2016 16:58

Have I got this right, she's not even pregnant?
In which case, of course you should use it.

Unflip

1 2 3 4