Being blackmailed

Sometimes I get so angry reading things like this that I actually wish it would happen to me so I would have the satisfaction of telling her to go fuck herself

My auntie disliked both my kids names! She does not feel like that about the kids! I think one relative even wanted to 'do something about that name' but that is, perhaps, older generation people, they may just feel they have the right to comment in a way younger people would not!

I think it is all talk but still very hurtful. It is also sad your dh either doesn't see how upsetting this is for you or does not quite know how to tell his mum what he thinks. Maybe she has used these tactics before, successfully, in the family.

IMHO this is what I would do if I were in your boat (and congratulations because having a new baby on the way is wonderful).

Talk to your dh, it sounds like you are cross at his inability (or unwillingness) to stand up to his mum and support you. Talk to your dh to make sure you are both on the same page about this and then when you next see her just say in a very nice way that we are going to name baby XYZ (if it were me I would also say and we you hope she will be happy etc). Because sometimes people can drive a wedge between couples and it is nice to reinforce that you as a couple have made this decision.

If she mentions bond again I would go with a jokey, "We know you are only joking, no one would really try and persuade their son and daughter in law with these kind of tactics. (and as someone else said "We want you to be the grandma, we don't want your money." Then I would add "If you would like to give your new granddaughter some money we would love it but she won't be able to access it unless you open an account in her name."

If she says she will call baby 'You' then I would smile and say baby won't know what she is being called at first, but of course once she does know what people are saying she would be very unsettled by someone using another name for her. So of course you know your mother in law will want to make a good connection to her new grandchild right from the start.

If this tactic doesn't work I would simply ignore her. But personally I would rather build bridges than fences and I think once baby is here she will melt and if she does not then I guess she will damage not only her relationship with her new grandchild but also with her son.

I think once she sees you are set she will back down.

Good luck.

Please do let us know how it all works out!

Hang on, so you have an older DD (with a beautiful name) who she basically bullies/ridicules! SHE is not the biggest problem you have, your OH who doesn't show her the door is!

I think if she ever says that in front of you again you should fix her with a stern look and say 'I am not quite sure whether you are joking or not, but the first time you call her Thing to her face will be the last time you see her. We will choose a name that we like, and we'd really appreciate it if you could try respect our choice without resorting to silly threats and nasty remarks.'

Although if my son and his GF announced they were going to call their baby something made up, stupidly spelt in order to be Yoo-Nique, or in any way embarrassing or ridiculous I would find it very, very hard to bite my tongue I will be honest.

And, of course, you will raise the child to call her Thing
I just roared laughing at that. OP your DH may well be employing the strategy of not rising to her and therefore feeding her drama but he needs to talk to you about so you know you're on the same page.

Tell how it's making you feel and agree you aren't entertaining her idiocy.
But maybe warn him that if she starts on about it, you probably won't be too polite to her in your response so he may want to nip it in the bud now

and incidentally, this is why I do not advocate discussing your name choices with ANYONE until the baby has already been named. they find out the day you say 'Granny, meet Gertrude' or whatever.

The more you tell family your ideas the more they start to think you are actually involving them in the choice, and that they are entitled to a say in it!

She's acting like a spoilt, controlling cow and your DH needs to get a backbone and tell her. If he doesn't he risks you having to do it, which will lead to a long-term falling out and a soured relationship when the baby is born which will be a real shame all round. He needs to tell her to stop it, immediately.

So just don't bother telling her when the baby arrives and tell her when she finally finds out that there are conditions if she wants to see her.

Tell your DH that is how it is.

You need to sit down with him and tell him you call the shots here, not his mother. He should not get up from your little chat until he fully understands this and is willing to stand up to her in every single detail where she tries to horn in on your turf.

When we named Ds Conrad my mothers reaction was

" Thats HORRIBLE"

FFW 12 years and she came to visit last year and told me

" I always liked the name Conrad it is such a good solid name"

I smiled to myself and left it at that.

She got used to the name and now it is just her grandson.. His father and I have loved the name from before he was born that is why we gave it to him

DD3 is called Aoife.. My mother struggled with this and insisted for years on calling her FIfi (now I LOATHE the name fifi - bad associaton) I corrected and Corrected until I outright told her THATS NOT HER NAME..

She now calls her Eefie I can cope with that as we do use that as a nickname. In this case she (being Danish) simply struggle with saying the name.. She has made an effort so I accept that.

In the case of your MIL. I would just go with what you want and not ask further opinion,

She hates clara and goes around calling her clara cluck cluck pronouncing it Clair-a when she has been told how to say it.

I believe the standard MN advice in this scenario is to decide on a mispronunciation of your MILs name and use that until she stops behaving like a brat.

This is simple really. She can do as she likes, and therefore she can explain to people why she calls her gd 'you'. She will only succeed in making herself look like the tit she is.

She doesn't get a say in the name.

And she can stuff her bond up her jacksie!

i'd be raging at your DH if I was you. I know she's his mum but this is his daughter and he has to stick up for her. MIL got to name her own children, this one is not her choice and she needs to butt the hell out.

my parents weren't mad on DS's name, and told me so but didn't insist I not use it! they love it now as it's him and suits him perfectly.

if you're DH won't say anything to her then ask him not to tell you anything she says and refuse to discuss names with her again.

op you need to talk to your dh.

My dp always just let his mothers comments wash over his head even though they were very hurtful to me. It resulted in a big argument with him and myself when I was eight months gone because of the constant battle I was in with her from names - she wanted her name to be middle name, who was going to be at birth (she invited herself and her other dgs who was 14 I fuckng kid you not!) how I was going to feed her...ect. She did want to be apart of the process but she couldn't understand I had final say. She ended flying out the country the day I was due because she chose not to be apart of it all if she couldn't get her own way.

Dp ended backing me up but only after I basically told him I was ready for walking and I felt she was bullying me. He still think 'that's just mum' nasty bitch but he will stick up for me.

You need to talk to dh. This is his problem

Ignore her blackmailing and remind her that if she does start a bond in this name then she'll only be wasting her money because no one will ever be able to use it.
Have you decided on the full name you're going to use? If so, just get your OH to tell her that it's decided. Start referring to her by name instead of 'Baby' or whatever.
Get personalised EVERYTHING :P

Would you be willing to use the name for a DD2, as a mn? If so, maybe hint at that. I think it's nice when the full name flows very well, but I don't think it's necessary that the mn goes with both first and last. i.e. Phoebe Lara Larramy sounds a bit silly, but Phoebe Lara and Phoebe Larramy sound fine, so the whole name is fine imo. Don't use it if you don't even like the name though.

But yeah, she's out of order. Definitely hold your ground on this one.

I don't know why you don't just hold your hand up in front of her face the next time she starts spouting off this shite and say "Listin MIL. This is OUR child and we will call it whatever WE want because WE are the parents! YOU can shove your bond money up your arse because you having your say as to what we name OUR child, is NEVER going to happen. THE END."

Sure, you can leave it to your husband but he doesn't sound like he's got it in him, so you need to make it very clear where the line is. Do it for your own sanity.

THis is your family. Not hers.

Yes you need to nip this behaviour in the bud Right Now. She will only get worse once her grandchild arrives. Something happens to some Mils when grandchildren arrive. Mine was lovely but I've read some horror stories on here. Use this as a good example to put your foot down. Remind your dh that he left his mother to marry you and you are the woman in his life now, and you come first.

What a nasty cow. You have chosen a beautiful name and I completely understand why you are furious with DH.

How much longer have you got to go? I suggest you have a stern talking to with DH and get her attitude sorted because I'm worried for you that if he doesn't she will be a right bitch once your DD arrives.

Good luck OP and stick to your guns xxx

Sorry should of read the thread...

Clara is a beautiful name, stick to your guns... Good luck x

Not read the whole thread but ...

Wow what a bitch!!

Get your house on the market and move far far away from this women.. She sounds like a delight.

Btw, i'd love to hear the name

As long as you stick to your guns she is the one who will come out of this looking like a fool. If she persists in mispronouncing it people will think she is daft for not even being able to say her own dgc name correctly. As for making fun of a baby (which is how the Clara cluck cluck thing comes across), who do you think that will reflect poorly on? Her of course.

I agree DH needs to step up to the plate. But, I think it needs to be a united front. "we are not discussing names with you MIL" every single time she tries to raise it. She can say what she likes but you just stone cold ignore it.

To be fair, you need to practice these skills anyway for nagging children. Will be good to get a head start.

don't tell her any names till you have registered baby - then she cant object. as for the bond tell her to stick it up her arse or smoke it.

She had her kids, had her chance to pick her names. Opening a bond in a fake name is fraud and a criminal offence.

Clara is lovely, stick to your guns. Just agree with DH that the subject is now off limits. If mil brings it up, breezily change the to topic, don't respond to anything she says about names. Even if she starts saying Clara don't hear her.

My mil pulled this, dh was useless whilst I was pg, other than insisting we stuck to our guns.

Until we had Ds, after three weeks of her refusing to use Ds's name dh went NUCLEAR at her.

No further issues after that.