Aibu to ban him from dating girls online

Teenagers don’t online date using dating apps. It’s via Snapchat, discord, instagram, WhatsApp etc.

I haven’t let my teens talk to randoms online. Could be any old perv!

I’d chat to him and try make him see that meeting people online isn’t exactly real life most of the time. At 16 he should be out with his friends from school meeting up with kids from other schools and hanging with them which may develop into a relationship. Sending a message or 2 to someone online and seeing them maybe 2 times a month isn’t dating. They’d need to see each other eat least once a week imo before labelimg it a relationship. No wonder the girls are ‘cheating’ on him they want attention and he’s not there giving what they want!

id encourage him to try meet people in school/college/clubs etc and just hang with them to get to know them better before deciding who is girlfriend material.

Yeah my DD is 15. She's not allowed social media, she's definitely not having dating apps next year. What happened to meeting people irl?

How would you describe meeting people online with the aim of forming a romantic attachment then?

FHG its part of growing up

Of course it is. It’s dating…online. The term is not ‘website specific online dating’.

How it is different?

Honestly you need to extricate yourself from his life a bit and let him figure it out.

Teenage relationships are ludicrously fickle: as they should be. The last thing you would want would be for him to talk about going steady and settling down at this age.

Far better for him to learn in the relatively low risk environment of online. Yes it is going to be painful but he will learn.

With respect, depending on what culture/religion you adhere to you cannot police a 16 yr old boy!
As a parent I wouldnt necessarily condone online dating at that age, does he have real life friends to go out with and meet people in real life? Something a bit sad about a 16 yr old online dating for a variety of reasons. You also say they chat and maybe meet once or twice a month? This probably isnt helping.

Get him out the house meeting real people, playing sports etc.

It's not online dating then, is it?

You can’t bam him from dating at 16. Like others have said, as long as the girls he is with are the same age then I don’t see a problem. Yes it’s rubbish that this has happened to him, but he needs to experience this himself, not be Molly coddled by his mum.

I would assume they are chatting on a social media platform, not an actual dating site!

Of course you can't ban him at that age. He will only rebel. However, it's probably an early glance for him how much of a mess modern dating is. Best thing for him to probably do is to meet someone organically at college or a part time job.

It's to do with their age, not OLD. When I was a teenager, people 'cheated' all the time. A snog at a party or on a walk home. Because these were not serious relationships. You could suggest he looks into ethical non monogamy which is very popular with that generation. DS does it. t means you don't lie and cheat, you admit you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship but you continue to see several people you like. Sort of like the old US system of dating until you go steady.

It definitely is they message random people on snapchat, online gaming or get chatting through friends of friends.

I did not imply a character flaw. There are many reasons why people end up in bad relationships, most often not feeling able to set boundaries, accepting something which doesn't meet their needs because of fear of loneliness, lack of self-esteem etc. etc.

I was up to until "attracte these sorts of people." As you say it could be many reasons, such as them not seeing it as a real, exclusive relationship not a character flaw

They meet maybe once or twice a month.

Why? I used to meet 3 times a week when I was dating, that's 12 meets a month minimum. If they don't live close enough then that is an added problem. He needs to start chatting to those who live closer AND arrange dates more often.

How many times has this happened to him?

Agree with a pp who said meeting up with someone once a month doesn't make you boyfriend/girlfriend so maybe the girls are dating other boys to see who they best fit with before deciding to be exclusive. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

What steps would you take to ban him? Also what is a better way of dating?

Has this happened quite a lot as at 16 surely it's more usual to stay with one person a reasonable time? At sixteen there shouldn't be a need for him to meet girls who are basically strangers online.

I’m totally out of touch. My DS isn’t of dating age but the idea of online dating at 16 is wild to me.

Banning a 16 year old isn’t ever going to work out well, they’re at an age where they start resenting being controlled. You’d be better of being on his side and giving him advice and hoping he takes it.

How many times exactly has this happened.

I don't think meeting once or twice a month really signals exclusive or serious unless they have had that conversation. I was cheated on and cheated on others in my teens with people I knew from college generally so much more awkward. It's hurtful but it's often part of teen life, unless very lucky.

Don't say this too him, but perhaps he is too nice? I personally don't think you can be too nice, but for teen girls, some are perhaps looking for excitement (and will probably lean that exciting hot and cold people are a recipie for unhappiness). There are girls who do appreciate nice.

Online is just where you find people and you do have to them take it offline. Friends of friends sounds quite normal in a world where safety online often looks like an amalgamation of lots of people where at least one person you know knows someone in real life. You can't really stop him meeting people online and you can't stop his heart being broken (as much as that is difficult).