Aibu to ban him from dating girls online

You want to ban your 16 yo son from online dating? 🤦🏽‍♀️ He needs to learn resilience and assertiveness himself. It sounds like he’s been unlucky. Maybe there are signs he is ignoring, or boundaries he’s not implementing. It isn’t his fault they are cheating, but he may be playing some part. I personally wouldn’t molly coddle him by banning him from online dating

Of course you can’t ban him from dating. It’s all part of teenage life, getting dumped. Don’t interfere!

I’d hate for my daughters to be online dating at 16! It seems so young. I maybe wouldn’t ban him exactly, but encourage him into making real life connections, through clubs or whatever.
The girls will on there will be hit on left, right and centre, so I can see how their heads would be turned. Honestly, online dating was bad enough in my 40s!!

Online dating is not a normal part of teenage life

Maybe it’s him and not them. It’s him that’s the common denominator! I didn’t want my sixteen year olds in serious relationships so I would not have minded a series of break ups. You can’t ban a sixteen year old from dating. Well, you could I suppose but it’s a bit mean.

No, you can't ban him from dating but you could explain to him that meeting once a month does not constitute being "boyfriend-girlfriend" and that what his friends are telling him may not be verified information.
But also, yes. He is the common denominator here so he needs to understand what he is doing to attract these sorts of people.

Banning him is one thing actually stopping him is very much another. Lots of things are band but people still do them. Hiding his devices won’t help either he’ll just use someone else’s. In less than 2 years time you won’t have a say in anything

As long as it’s with people his own age - you need to stay out of it. He’s 16 and he will eventually learn the lesson himself. Preventing failure/hardship/tough life lessons might make you feel better but it teaches him nothing.

Lots of teens meet online now so it’s became normal

I don’t think there’s much you can do really except give gentle advice and encourage him to try to meet girls through face to face means, eg school/college, clubs/activities. No doubt he’ll soon twig himself that meeting them online is not working out for him.

How many times exactly has this happened.

I don't think meeting once or twice a month really signals exclusive or serious unless they have had that conversation. I was cheated on and cheated on others in my teens with people I knew from college generally so much more awkward. It's hurtful but it's often part of teen life, unless very lucky.

Don't say this too him, but perhaps he is too nice? I personally don't think you can be too nice, but for teen girls, some are perhaps looking for excitement (and will probably lean that exciting hot and cold people are a recipie for unhappiness). There are girls who do appreciate nice.

Online is just where you find people and you do have to them take it offline. Friends of friends sounds quite normal in a world where safety online often looks like an amalgamation of lots of people where at least one person you know knows someone in real life. You can't really stop him meeting people online and you can't stop his heart being broken (as much as that is difficult).

Banning a 16 year old isn’t ever going to work out well, they’re at an age where they start resenting being controlled. You’d be better of being on his side and giving him advice and hoping he takes it.

I’m totally out of touch. My DS isn’t of dating age but the idea of online dating at 16 is wild to me.

Has this happened quite a lot as at 16 surely it's more usual to stay with one person a reasonable time? At sixteen there shouldn't be a need for him to meet girls who are basically strangers online.

What steps would you take to ban him? Also what is a better way of dating?

How many times has this happened to him?

Agree with a pp who said meeting up with someone once a month doesn't make you boyfriend/girlfriend so maybe the girls are dating other boys to see who they best fit with before deciding to be exclusive. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

They meet maybe once or twice a month.

Why? I used to meet 3 times a week when I was dating, that's 12 meets a month minimum. If they don't live close enough then that is an added problem. He needs to start chatting to those who live closer AND arrange dates more often.

I was up to until "attracte these sorts of people." As you say it could be many reasons, such as them not seeing it as a real, exclusive relationship not a character flaw

I did not imply a character flaw. There are many reasons why people end up in bad relationships, most often not feeling able to set boundaries, accepting something which doesn't meet their needs because of fear of loneliness, lack of self-esteem etc. etc.

It definitely is they message random people on snapchat, online gaming or get chatting through friends of friends.

It's to do with their age, not OLD. When I was a teenager, people 'cheated' all the time. A snog at a party or on a walk home. Because these were not serious relationships. You could suggest he looks into ethical non monogamy which is very popular with that generation. DS does it. t means you don't lie and cheat, you admit you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship but you continue to see several people you like. Sort of like the old US system of dating until you go steady.

Of course you can't ban him at that age. He will only rebel. However, it's probably an early glance for him how much of a mess modern dating is. Best thing for him to probably do is to meet someone organically at college or a part time job.

I would assume they are chatting on a social media platform, not an actual dating site!

You can’t bam him from dating at 16. Like others have said, as long as the girls he is with are the same age then I don’t see a problem. Yes it’s rubbish that this has happened to him, but he needs to experience this himself, not be Molly coddled by his mum.

It's not online dating then, is it?