10.30-10.45pm bedtime for DD11.

You’ve obviously never suffered sleep problems yourself or raised children who are ND or have had other issues including bereavement, anxiety, health problems or neurodiversity. I am and I have

my mum tried the early bedtime and punishments for me, didn’t work, I simply could not sleep, she even (and this is awful) locked me in my room and took away every single book and distraction in the effort to make me sleep. Didn’t work, it just made me very distressed. Then she tried the as long as I’m in bed and quiet, gave me my books back and a radio which worked. Still wasn’t falling asleep at 9 but I was able to fall asleep at my natural time which was around 11 or 12, sometimes later. I probably needed more sleep as a teen but you simply cannot make anyone fall asleep unless their body and mind lets them.

It’s Nothing to do with raising sensible children. I have 4 sensible children too..3 out of the 4 have had sleep issues since young children. No amount of gentle, regular, quiet, routine driven bedtimes changed this and goodness me did I try.

like me they have adhd and asd

With melatonin ds gets 6-7 hours sleep a night normally broken. The specialists he is under are happy with this as he can generally function.

without melatonin he gets 2 hours at a push.

like with many things sleep norms don’t work for those who are neurodivergent!

My DC7 has an ASD diagnosis and we suspect adhd as well but getting her to sleep or stay
asleep used to be difficult, till she was 6, she barely slept for more than 8 hours, if she goes to bed early, she wakes up too early etc.
I started giving her magnesium, the proper one and it’s made such a difference. For a year now, she goes to bed (with night light ) without needing someone in her room and she’s asleep by 9:30 latest and she sleeps till 6:30 or 7 most days. I think you should investigate magnesium if you haven’t been giving it before.

It’s worth remembering too that melatonin isn’t an entirely benign option. My youngest takes it, but we did weigh up the benefits vs the down sides. It can have long term impacts (and it also reduces in effectiveness after a while). So the OP is being sensible in trying to figure out whether it’s something that is actually needed.

Yes way too late. 10pm asleep at the latest. 9pm preferably.

Ds11 has ASD and ADHD (medicated with Elvanse). He goes to bed between 8.30 and 9pm most days. Is up at 6.30/7am for school. He needs 10 hours sleep ideally. He listens to thunderstorm sounds on his Alexa to help him sleep and generally sleeps like the dead. I go to bed shortly after him and read for an hour. My light is usually out by 10.30pm. I’m also on Elvanse for ADHD and have autism.

My autistic DD (age 14) is the same. Melatonin has been amazing.

She listens to audio books on a Yoto Mini on the evenings she doesn’t take it.

Because drugging your kids should be an absolute last resort

My friends daughter is on melatonin and it’s been a game changer
she was reluctant but it’s been much better for everyone
don’t write it off I’d be pushing for it
for her
for you
for your family

Why do they need to go to bed so early at weekends and holidays? Do they get up at 7:30 every day?

No ND that we’re aware of but me and DS are natural night owls and getting up the same time at the weekend would make me shattered.

I have 3 dc with varying sleep issues due to ASD & ADHD.
People responding with their NT bedtime is absolutely irrelevant.

Odd as it sounds, we stopping evening showers definitely helped as it didn't relax my dc, quite the opposite.
We use lavender, white noise, relaxation apps etc.

Sometimes ultimately I have to leave them to settle themselves as I need to go to bed

My probably NT 10 year old has lights out for 10 on weekdays and is up by 6 or so naturally. He never needed loads of sleep and never has any issues with a late one.

My 13 year old ND daughter takes ages to fall asleep. No idea when she’s actually asleep but it’s lights out around 10 or so. Later on dance nights. She needs an alarm to get up for 630.

It can have long term side effects, so it needs to be carefully considered (my son takes melatonin because he was only sleeping 2-3 hours a night without it, but had he been getting 8 hours the risk vs benefit analysis would have been different).