10.30-10.45pm bedtime for DD11.

My daughter (10) is exactly the same, as soon as 8pm hits she is bouncing off the walls. She wasn't getting to sleep until 10-11pm.

I failed to get melatonin on the NHS so bought 1mg gums and it's been amazing. She is asleep by 8.30-9 every night now. It's so much better for her as ahs hated not being able to sleep which meant she started worrying etc. All of that is gone now.

Now for something scary/depressing. I'm 41 suspected asd and adhd, in bed 10:30 still awake at 3am. I take sleeping tablets and read for half an hour to an hour before turning lights off. It sucks, my mum watched every soap opera wating for me to sleep. It's like the switch that says "sleep" is stuck.

When I was like this at that age (ADHD and asd ) my mum put a radio in my room or I could read. I’d frequently be awake until 12 though and even later in my teen years

what works for a NT kid won’t necessarily work for a ND one.

my own kids were exactly the same

i still have trouble sleeping at the age of 49 and I found that listening to something help.

I’ve always thought that I had awful trouble sleeping so it’s not fair to try and force my kids to sleep, just used to help them instead, even if it meant they were awake for a while.

DS never slept to a regular pattern. He could go to sleep at midnight and be wide awake at 7. He is ND like me and sleep sometimes just doesn't happen at a set time. When he used to stay at friends I would have comments from parents that he was playing or reading at 4 in the morning. Luckily ( ?) I am exactly the same and worked with him to realise that bedtime was about relaxing and from about 13 he was totally independent in his sleep patterns in that he would go to be and not be up and about.
He's 22 now and still an insomniac!

Problem is, whatever time she should be asleep in order to get enough good quality sleep to wake up in good time for school... is not necessarily the same as what time her body wants to sleep. Sometimes you can throw everything at someone and their body just doesn't cooperate. I went through secondary school coming home and crashing at about 5:30/6 for a few hours, then waking up and going through my evening routine and going to bed at about 2 to wake up at 7. Multiple times over years I'd think to myself right, I'm gonna sort this out, no nap for me when I get home today, surely I'll be really tired later and then I'll fall asleep at 10... and I just wouldn't. I'd be chronically overtired but still not actually sleepy until later, then after about 3 days I couldn't physically stay awake any more and would go back to the napping. It was not pleasant and I was tired most of the time, but it was what it was.

As an adult I remain tired most of the time but am significantly less tired when I can sleep on my own biological schedule, which is around 4am to 12pm naturally. When I have had jobs where I've had to work normal hours, I've survived with naps and weekend catch ups.

Sorry this probably isn't what you wanted to hear. Some people are just different. One thing that does help me to switch off and actually fall asleep though (which I've also always struggled with) is having something playing I know inside out. When I was younger it was stories on tape, now it's sitcoms. It's just enough stimulation to stop my mind racing but I don't feel the need to stay awake to follow the story as I already know it. Most nights, that's enough.

Dd 11 has to get up around 6.30 for school, so goes to sleep at 8.30. IMHO pretty much all humans function best on 10 hours, and especially kids. (Obv I know the vast majority of adults - definitely including me - don’t manage anything close to that, but by God one’s health, happiness and performance improve during those rare periods it can be done!)

Almost 11Dd 9.30-10 asleep depending on what clubs etc. Up 7.30, sleeps in at weekends. Some weeks she’s tired if we’re busy but mostly this works fine.

ours are grumpy if they don’t get a lot of sleep, but we live close to school, I go in hours of sleep not bed time. I work back from the time we need to get up and they seem to operate best with 9 to 10 hours sleep. So if we are up at 7.30 then between 9 and 10 is ok for bed.
I think you have to look at the wake up time for whatever is the next day and work out what number of hours sleep does your child need to function well, there is guidance on this but they are individuals and may need more or less sleep. In their good days, how many hours sleep did they get. Monitor it and work it out.
I have explained this to my kids and they have accepted this, they agree on the amount of sleep they need as we’ve looked at the evidence. When they’ve had less sleep then they don’t have great days.
I have been trying as well to make sure they get extra outside time like walks etc as they don’t seem to sleep well when they’ve had only a little fresh air that day either.

Average bedtime is too late then! Teacher here. Please send your kids to bed by 9pm latest in year 6. They need at least 10 hours. Kids these days are yawning through school - too many screens in rooms and not enough bedtimes. Mine went to bed at 8pm in yr 6. In this day of pushy parenting, the best thing you can do for your child’s academics is send them to bed earlier!

op this sounds a nightmare. I hope you can find something t o help her as sleep is so vital at that age and for general sanity. I hear melatonin can work wonders.

Some do, some don’t. Sleep needs vary massively between individuals.

My dds are 11 and 13, they're up for school at 7am so have a 9.30pm bedtime when it's school then 11 at weekends.

They both complain that they're the only ones with an early bedtime and that their friends are allowed to stay up later.

As a child I was a night owl. I remember not being able to sleep from very early on - 3 years old even though at the time I was at nursery full time. I would look out of the window and people would tell my mum I was looking out of the window at all hours. As I got older I read and rearranged my teddies talking to them etc then when I was 10 I found radio Luxembourg on a tiny transistor radio. I listened for hours. When I was 15 I worked in a restaurant for a couple of years so didn't finish work till 1am then out to nightclubs. I was just not wired to sleep.
Now I'm an early riser have been since my 20s! always up around 4am even if I go to bed late.

my point is I don't remember tiredness being a problem when I was young. I used to do a lot of sport.
my kids were pretty good at going to bed all asleep by 9pm till 17! one had a paper round and the other worked on a farm. but one grandson who is 4 regularly finally goes to sleep at 10ish never earlier.

No matter what I did going to sleep was just boring no advice really I'm just saying perspective of a night owl.💐

I would have been well annoyed at being given tablets to make me sleep I just didn't want to it wasn't a problem for me.

If she does have ADHD it plays a huge factor in sleep and circadian rhythm. I would look into this more for her and your benefit. Keeping a consistent sleep schedule is really important, I can testify sleeping in absolutely buggers me up.b

Mine is bed by 7.3 on 2 school night and reading asleep for 8. The other 3 school nights it’s bed 8 and asleep 8.3 latest. Can’t do earlier due to sporting commitments. But she is up 7 am and out within 30’mins and not home to 6 pm or 7pm due to sport straight from school. She needs to get sleep as lots of sport. Weekend homework and 8.3-9
bur still routine. It’s all go go go to make all this work. All kids different and depending on them and their schedules, needs etc.

9 year old is roughly the same. 13 year old 9.3 alseep.

An 11 yo usually needs more than 8 hours sleep I think?

Autistic DD here. Age 11-12. Upstairs at 8.30pm - 9pm. Lights out 9.30pm. She will lie in bed and listen to the radio (Classic FM) or a podcast for an hour in the dark. She's often awake when I go to bed at 10pm.
Figured as long as she's resting and relaxing and no screens (podcast put on via Spotify but no phone in rooms obvs) that's fine.
She's up at 7am but will lie in until 9/10am on a weekend. Awake but reading / podcasting. She might come down, make a cup of tea on a Sunday morning and go back to bed.

DS has ADHD and has been like this from a young age. His mind races just before bed and he's awake later than he should be, but he's doing well at school, gets up each morning when he needs to and is happy.

As long as your DD isn't exhausted or falling asleep at school, then she's probably absolutely fine. Every child is different and there is no one size fits all approach.

Up to bed at 8.45, asleep by 9 week days and 9.30 weekends here. Often earlier though. Wakes up at 6ish, has only recently started sleeping longer.

Lights out by 9.pm at aged 11/12.

I think a lot of autistic children don't sleep well. My DS is 6, he very rarely falls asleep before 10:30 and is usually awake by 6. He often wakes in the night too. He is always full of energy though.
We do have an appointment with the paediatric doctor in December but as he's so full of energy they probably won't prescribe anything.

At that age my DDs were off to bed at 8 on a school night, 9 on Friday and Saturday and school holidays. Lights out at 9 / 10pm
They had to be ready for school by 7.30!

My dd is more of a night owl. School night bedtime ought to be 9.30 to go up but it’s often closer to 10. She is still up now but it’s the holidays. As a younger child she was a nightmare to get to sleep. Now I look back and think why didn’t we just let her have a later bedtime?
Both me and her dad are more night people, plus my mum and aunties all are so it’s in the family.

She gets up about 7am for school, so usually she’s had at least 8hrs. Forgot to say she is 12.

Lights out at 21:00 when I was aged 11 and 12.

15 year old! Bloody hell I'd have pissed myself laughing if my mum tried to give me a bedtime at 15!

People (including children) are different and need different amounts of sleep. It's extremely frustrating when someone tries to prescribe a certain number of hours to someone who doesn't need it. It also makes sleep even more elusive.