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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not wanting to hold my friends kid on my lap?

46 replies

melindarra · 22/10/2026 16:11

I have a 7 year old myself. Im usually not a kid person when it comes to other peoples kid and can interact with them and all. So me and my partner meet one of our friend couple we havent seen since months! So they said we could sit with them at the restaurant because we where same place same time. But it also felt like my friend lets call her lisa and her partner tom. Felt like lisa was really on to make her toddler (soon to be 3 years old) to make her sit on me or my partners lap so she could eat because her toddler was getting reckless and didn’t wanna sit on the kid chair. I was eating to so i told her i was eating right now. Im not fan of holding peoples kids while i eat myself or getting kiddos hands on my plate hehe. Pluss i didnt bring my own kid with me so i wanted to enjoy some food without being handled someone elses kid on my lap. Lisa usually goes «does sophie wanna sit on uncles bens lap?<3 or auntie mary?» and her toddler dosnt want either to point it out she wants mommy not me nor my partner. So my partner sat there uncomfortable with a toddler on his lap who wanted nothing to do with him at all😆 i would myself never hand my kid to anyone if eating with them because shes mine to handle and both parents where present here aswell. I felt she looked at me a bit offended because i told her i was eating so i didnt want to hold her while eating. Because lisa was also like «can’t eat in peace can we😪» she didnt just «does aunty mary wanna hold you?<3» one time but multiple times.

OP posts:
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LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 24/10/2026 16:48

Flamingojune · 22/10/2026 16:17

That would really annoy me and I hate it when people assume i want to hold their kid cos im female

Yes, this annoys me too. Every bloody time DH and I see anyone - friends, acquaintances, neighbours, extended family etc, and there is a baby there, someone shoves him/her in my arms. Why do they assume I want to hold him/her? Confused

No-one ever does it to DH. Sorry Julie, but I don't want to hold your 15 pound lump of a grandson, and stand there or sit there holding him like he's a sack of potatoes. I have no desire to hold babies. I have 2 adult children who are 30-ish now, and I have no maternal instinct now (and I'm not even arsed about grandchildren, though I'm sure I will love them and want to hold them if I do have them.) I do NOT want to have someone's random baby shoved in my arms though. Why do people do this?!!! I can only surmise that they're fucked off with holding the baby themselves!

@melindarraYANBU. This would have pissed me off too.

midnight4 · 24/10/2026 16:25

alexdgr8 · 24/10/2026 14:18

Just Say No

This! I would’ve said no thanks, I’m eating.

TheRealSmurfette · 24/10/2026 15:46

I’ve said YABU because you should read through your text before you post.

Treehorns · 24/10/2026 15:43

Teddybear23 · 24/10/2026 12:50

My friend’s daughter had a baby 18 mths ago, every time I see them the mother hands the baby to be calling it ‘cuddle time with ……….(my name). I have no desire whatsoever to hold her or anyone else’s baby but I have to grin and bear it or feel rude.

Show quote history

I am similar with grand nephews and nieces, absolutely no interest whatsoever in babies.
I loved my own, but that really was it for me.

T1MumOf1 · 24/10/2026 15:33

I would of snapped and told them to hold their own damn kid.

alexdgr8 · 24/10/2026 14:18

Just Say No

Original poster
melindarra · 24/10/2026 14:11

@Toober fr😆 like don’t u do this everyday? Was my tought. Why does it becomes me and my partners problem we where just being nice by sitting with them because honestly im not to fan of sitting with peoples kids on restaurant especially not when my kid isn’t around but we just did because long time no see because if we where hanging with other people then theres no way we would sit with them. What i reacted more was that lisa so i wasn’t done with my plate yet and still «does sofie wanna sit with auntie?<3» idk why im even being called auntie to beging with i barely see them nowdays😆 the poor kid probably more than confiused herself by how many aunties and uncles

OP posts:
Original poster
melindarra · 24/10/2026 14:07

@Teddybear23
for me aswell i have no desire og feel anything by holding their kids especially toddlers they old enough to sit on chair. But we all know its more to force the kid on someone than them asking to hold.

OP posts:
Toober · 24/10/2026 13:40

I'm possibly being dramatic but the passive aggressive 'can't eat in peace can we' would have me leaving the table. I'm sorry Lisa, how upsetting for you that you're not having a nice time because no-one else will wrangle YOUR child - I hope you will recover with time.

Teddybear23 · 24/10/2026 12:50

Flamingojune · 22/10/2026 16:17

That would really annoy me and I hate it when people assume i want to hold their kid cos im female

My friend’s daughter had a baby 18 mths ago, every time I see them the mother hands the baby to be calling it ‘cuddle time with ……….(my name). I have no desire whatsoever to hold her or anyone else’s baby but I have to grin and bear it or feel rude.

mafiacat · 24/10/2026 02:28

She's a CF.

NiftyKoala · 24/10/2026 01:57

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 22/10/2026 16:49

Yeah fuck that! That was incredibly rude of her.

I’ve been a nanny for a million years, people seem to assume I’m DESPERATE to hold their babies or cuddle them or have them on my lap. Absolutely not. Fuck off

Same. I love kids, love holding babies. But this is so obnoxious! The nerve to basically say watch my kid so I cam eat tough if yiu don't like it. Nope.

MsAmerica · 24/10/2026 01:41

melindarra · 22/10/2026 16:11

I have a 7 year old myself. Im usually not a kid person when it comes to other peoples kid and can interact with them and all. So me and my partner meet one of our friend couple we havent seen since months! So they said we could sit with them at the restaurant because we where same place same time. But it also felt like my friend lets call her lisa and her partner tom. Felt like lisa was really on to make her toddler (soon to be 3 years old) to make her sit on me or my partners lap so she could eat because her toddler was getting reckless and didn’t wanna sit on the kid chair. I was eating to so i told her i was eating right now. Im not fan of holding peoples kids while i eat myself or getting kiddos hands on my plate hehe. Pluss i didnt bring my own kid with me so i wanted to enjoy some food without being handled someone elses kid on my lap. Lisa usually goes «does sophie wanna sit on uncles bens lap?<3 or auntie mary?» and her toddler dosnt want either to point it out she wants mommy not me nor my partner. So my partner sat there uncomfortable with a toddler on his lap who wanted nothing to do with him at all😆 i would myself never hand my kid to anyone if eating with them because shes mine to handle and both parents where present here aswell. I felt she looked at me a bit offended because i told her i was eating so i didnt want to hold her while eating. Because lisa was also like «can’t eat in peace can we😪» she didnt just «does aunty mary wanna hold you?<3» one time but multiple times.

This is why we need an Etiquette forum. Your question shouldn't be "Am I unreasonable?" but rather, "What could I have said to get out of this?

You should have said something like, "I'd better not - I think I'm coming down with the flu."

user1492757084 · 24/10/2026 01:04

Next time ask friend to bring a harness so that her child can be secured into the high chair.
If child becomes fussy and noisy, wanting to get out, say
"No, your Mum needs to eat too. Would you like icecream?"
Then buy the kid bowls of icecream.

If the friend can not cope due to her child being unsettled, say
"Okay, we'll be going now. Your little one needs to run in the playground. Bye."
Or
"Let me take LO out for a walk around the block while you eat."
Then you borrow the tethering reins, clip them onto the harness and walk kid once around the block.

Original poster
melindarra · 24/10/2026 00:42

@Ghht yea because her toddler was litteraly saying «no» when my friend asked her so her toddler didnt want to be put on my partners lap she wanted to sit with her mom so i think it was kinda off to force ur kid to sit one someone else when npt comfortable either because she stared to wriggle her way out of my partners lap where he felt awkward because didnt know what to do with her.

OP posts:
Ghht · 23/10/2026 23:23

Tbh I would have no issue taking one of my friend’s kids on my lap while eating. However, I’m quite easy going and I’ve got young kids myself so it just doesn’t bother me.

However, it would make me deeply uncomfortable being forced to have a kid on my lap when the kid themselves don’t want to be there. Like, I don’t want to hold a child who doesn’t want to be held by me…it feels wrong

Original poster
melindarra · 23/10/2026 23:14

@KyleStar oh yea! Rememberd when mine also was at that age she was a bit calmrr but could get fussy once a while in public. But i would never make my friends deal with her fussines.. that was mine to deal with as a single parent back then. I also think is was a bit out of line to «does sofie want go on uncle toms lap to sit with him?:)» and didnt even help her own kid with putting on the shoes than «maybe uncle tom can help you out :)» so my partner didnt really get an option there than accept😆 me nope i just was enjoying my bbq chicken 😆 i cant enjoy it while holding a kid that would put her fingers on my plate. I barely liked when my own kid did that but its my own kid but hell no with others kids. We didnt plan this with them we just bumped into them n was told we couldd sit with them because long time no see wich me and my partner tought eh why not? But i didnt have in mind handling their kid just because we bumped into each other she has a mom n dad to handle her😆

OP posts:
QueenietheGreat · 23/10/2026 20:15

@melindarra
And where was 'partner Tom" in all this?
Already onto dessert whilst you were stuck at starters was he?
That"Lisa" is one true brass-necked urine extractor
I'll give her that

KyleStar · 23/10/2026 19:41

YANBU. There is a huge difference between offering to hold someone's child and having the child pushed onto your lap without being asked.

I have a three-year-old, and restaurant meals with them are a juggling act, but it is the parents' juggling act, not yours. If Lisa and Tom wanted to eat in peace, they could have taken turns holding their own kid or handled it between them. Steering the toddler onto your partner's lap when you were out as a couple was out of line.

I have offered to hold a friend's baby before when I could see she was really struggling, and that felt lovely because it was my choice. Being maneuvered into it is a completely different feeling.

You handled it well by telling her next time it can be just the two of you. Stick to that.

UndeadLife · 23/10/2026 19:15

Honestly, the moment she disregarded the first no and asked again, i'd have grabbed a waiter and moved you and your partner to your own table.
You went out kid free to have a relaxing meal, not to share caring duty for someone elses toddler.

Spirallingdownwards · 23/10/2026 19:12

melindarra · 22/10/2026 18:03

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing exactly we just bumped into them in the restaurant and tough «eh why not long time no see» but didnt expcet to act like assistants to her toddler 😆 like we all want to eat u know. And even if not eating i dont see it as normal for people wanting to have a toddler on their lap i didnt wanna be an entertainer

next time say no thanks its date night

Redragtoabull · 23/10/2026 19:09

If it happens again, decline the offer to sit with them as you are put for food to discuss something important. Cheeky fuckers!

Original poster
melindarra · 23/10/2026 09:41

@JenSCsunny lol i feel this one wouldn’t work at all because «oh no dont worry u not interupting anything!» would be her answer😆 and my partner is the one who «lets sit with them?:) « aswell since he is a nice guy and prob so it weird us sitting somewhere else when they werent out with other people/friends.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing i guess they would just do what they always do, handle their own kid😆

@Liverpoolxxx yea like someone commented further up on this post and same, like people just assume i wanna hold their kid because im a woman AND have my own kid. Id never before just put my kid on peoples lap . One thing if the friends insisted themselfs but not all are comfortable holding kids. Pluss we not talking bout a little baby here (even tough i would still not hold if i was eating food myself) the kid soon 3 years old. So its not that cute to be passed a toddler on lap 😆

OP posts:
Liverpoolxxx · 23/10/2026 07:52

YANBU. It’s fine if you offer but it’s rude to have them pushed on you.

I did shock a friend years ago when, having sat at a table in a cafe, I offered to hold the baby on the table next door. “Who’s that?” “No idea!” I wanted cuddles with the cute baby and was gobsmacked she was handed over but both parents were eating and I was right next to dad so all was well.

My dd recently decided she HAD to go and see a nearby baby in a cafe and then proceeded to talk to the mother for the next 15 minutes. I was horrified and did go to retrieve her a few minutes in but was told to enjoy the peace! Ok, so she didn’t offer but I would have removed dd if the woman had been less enthusiastic.

But to have a child foisted on you against your wishes? That’s inexcusable.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/10/2026 07:39

Yeah, all children get fussy in a high chair. How long it takes to get to that point depends on the child - DD1 and DS would sit for much longer than DD2. You bring things to entertain them in their seat. Special toys just for meals out works well as they’re a novelty.

What would they have done if you hadn’t been there or had said no to sitting with them?