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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not wanting to hold my friends kid on my lap?

46 replies

melindarra · 22/10/2026 16:11

I have a 7 year old myself. Im usually not a kid person when it comes to other peoples kid and can interact with them and all. So me and my partner meet one of our friend couple we havent seen since months! So they said we could sit with them at the restaurant because we where same place same time. But it also felt like my friend lets call her lisa and her partner tom. Felt like lisa was really on to make her toddler (soon to be 3 years old) to make her sit on me or my partners lap so she could eat because her toddler was getting reckless and didn’t wanna sit on the kid chair. I was eating to so i told her i was eating right now. Im not fan of holding peoples kids while i eat myself or getting kiddos hands on my plate hehe. Pluss i didnt bring my own kid with me so i wanted to enjoy some food without being handled someone elses kid on my lap. Lisa usually goes «does sophie wanna sit on uncles bens lap?<3 or auntie mary?» and her toddler dosnt want either to point it out she wants mommy not me nor my partner. So my partner sat there uncomfortable with a toddler on his lap who wanted nothing to do with him at all😆 i would myself never hand my kid to anyone if eating with them because shes mine to handle and both parents where present here aswell. I felt she looked at me a bit offended because i told her i was eating so i didnt want to hold her while eating. Because lisa was also like «can’t eat in peace can we😪» she didnt just «does aunty mary wanna hold you?<3» one time but multiple times.

OP posts:
ABOOO · 22/10/2026 16:16

Yeah.

Bit piss takey.

Flamingojune · 22/10/2026 16:17

That would really annoy me and I hate it when people assume i want to hold their kid cos im female

Lurker85 · 22/10/2026 16:20

Very cheeky. Why did she need to eat in peace but you apparently didn’t? What was the dad doing?

Original poster
melindarra · 22/10/2026 16:22

Flamingojune · 22/10/2026 16:17

That would really annoy me and I hate it when people assume i want to hold their kid cos im female

@Flamingojune yea it did with me because it started to feel aswell as lisa and tom so it as an opportunity for them to eat in peace so someone else could handle her a bit. Also when she asked my partner could help her with putting on the shoes because lisa was eating

OP posts:
WinterSunglasses · 22/10/2026 16:25

No way. If everyone's eating, but someone needs to hold a child as well, that's for one of the parents to do. I'd have said 'not yet but after I've finished my dinner, you can!'

Original poster
melindarra · 22/10/2026 16:28

@WinterSunglasses no fr because why would i need to hold someones kid because they want to eat? I want to eat myself 😆 pluss we didnt say yes to sit with them to get a toddler pushed on us to handle.

OP posts:
Original poster
melindarra · 22/10/2026 16:37

@Lurker85 sitting next to me but the kiddo didnt wanna go to him but be with her mom and he was very tired so i think thats why she also was making us hold

OP posts:
nomas · 22/10/2026 16:45

Don’t eat with her again. It’s not fair that you are being asked to look after her child when you’re having child free time.

How long did her child sit on DH’s lap?

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 22/10/2026 16:49

Yeah fuck that! That was incredibly rude of her.

I’ve been a nanny for a million years, people seem to assume I’m DESPERATE to hold their babies or cuddle them or have them on my lap. Absolutely not. Fuck off

Nofeckingway · 22/10/2026 16:53

Thank goodness you don't often meet them often . CF like this should be met with firmness as they don't care about you or how you feeling. No I don't want to .

Original poster
melindarra · 22/10/2026 16:57

@nomas litteraly less than a minute because her toddler didnt even want to sit on my partners lap and was fussy about it 😆 my partner had no choice he felt then to say fine to hold her because lisa just «do you want to go to tom?<3» even if her kid said no

OP posts:
Treehorns · 22/10/2026 17:09

Yanbu.
I would have said we'll actually eat on our own.
I wouldn't be even slightly interested in entertaining someone else's child whilst having a meal without my own.
Lisa is a CF.

Bishbashbuush · 22/10/2026 17:09

Selfish and thoughtless of them to expect you to wrangle their restless toddler whilst also eating.

This is why I refused to take my young children to restaurants. I did it once and it wasn’t an enjoyable experience for anyone. I spent the entire time chasing an overstimulated two year old around the place and our food went home in a box. Cold. Everyone else managed to enjoy their grub though. I would never have expected them to deal with that.

Original poster
melindarra · 22/10/2026 17:32

@Bishbashbuush yea i have told her if plan on meeting next time just us 2 that it can be ONLY us 2 have som friend time because i dont want to watch her kid with her og getting her kid handled to me because she want to eat or excepts me to help in. Thats why i havent been bothered to hang out with her latley because she always «but i have to take sofie with me because i dont think tom is at home» so i mostly decline then. I dont say i ignore the kid because i dont but im not entertaining her kid either all time. Have enough with my 7 year old at home pluss i never brought up my kid to meet my friends because i know how hassle it could be

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/10/2026 17:54

Am I right in thinking you didn’t even arrange to meet them? You just bumped into them by chance whilst you were having a child free meal, and she invited you to sit with them?

If would have been bad enough if you’d gone out expecting a meal with someone else’s child, but even worse if it’s that you just ran into them!

YANBU at all

It’s on the parents to hold their own kid if they’re not able to sit in their own chair throughout - and there were two of them to take turns!

Original poster
melindarra · 22/10/2026 18:03

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing exactly we just bumped into them in the restaurant and tough «eh why not long time no see» but didnt expcet to act like assistants to her toddler 😆 like we all want to eat u know. And even if not eating i dont see it as normal for people wanting to have a toddler on their lap i didnt wanna be an entertainer

OP posts:
Original poster
melindarra · 22/10/2026 19:11

@Treehorns right? I dont ignore her kid but i dont expect to act like i need to join handling her because we bumped into each other, thats why i went without my kid aswell to enjoy some food not handle someone’s elses kid when both parents are present. Felt like they kinda tried to get the opportunity so they can eat in peace when her kid didnt wanna sit on the kids chair anymore

OP posts:
Jllllllll · Yesterday 05:19

Not sure why you sat with them in the first place

BeingATwatItsABingThing · Yesterday 05:51

I have offered to hold my friends’ children so they can eat in peace. For example, were out as two families, my youngest was 1 and happily sat in the high chair (it is non-negotiable that he has to sit there and he still does now at 2.5yo). They had a young baby who couldn’t go in a high chair and just wanted to be held. I offered so our friends could both eat their dinner.

I would be very unimpressed with someone manipulating me into having a toddler on my lap because they didn’t want to parent them into a high chair. I think you did the right thing saying no.

Original poster
melindarra · Yesterday 07:35

@BeingATwatItsABingThing yea you right. I think she took her out because or else she would become very fussy. But then responsibility is on her or her partner to entertain her and hold her.
i tought like «girl we havent meet in months! And the first thinfs u do is already manipulating us to hold ur kid so u can have som peace eating, we said yes to sit with them for talks n stuff not to be planted as assistants for them.

@Jllllllll because i tought we just chill n talk

OP posts:
JenSCsunny · Yesterday 07:39

You are not unreasonable, next time it happens make sure to have a line ready ‘oh no we won’t interrupt your family time! next time!’ and then run, possibly to another restaurant.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · Yesterday 07:39

Yeah, all children get fussy in a high chair. How long it takes to get to that point depends on the child - DD1 and DS would sit for much longer than DD2. You bring things to entertain them in their seat. Special toys just for meals out works well as they’re a novelty.

What would they have done if you hadn’t been there or had said no to sitting with them?

Liverpoolxxx · Yesterday 07:52

YANBU. It’s fine if you offer but it’s rude to have them pushed on you.

I did shock a friend years ago when, having sat at a table in a cafe, I offered to hold the baby on the table next door. “Who’s that?” “No idea!” I wanted cuddles with the cute baby and was gobsmacked she was handed over but both parents were eating and I was right next to dad so all was well.

My dd recently decided she HAD to go and see a nearby baby in a cafe and then proceeded to talk to the mother for the next 15 minutes. I was horrified and did go to retrieve her a few minutes in but was told to enjoy the peace! Ok, so she didn’t offer but I would have removed dd if the woman had been less enthusiastic.

But to have a child foisted on you against your wishes? That’s inexcusable.

Original poster
melindarra · Yesterday 09:41

@JenSCsunny lol i feel this one wouldn’t work at all because «oh no dont worry u not interupting anything!» would be her answer😆 and my partner is the one who «lets sit with them?:) « aswell since he is a nice guy and prob so it weird us sitting somewhere else when they werent out with other people/friends.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing i guess they would just do what they always do, handle their own kid😆

@Liverpoolxxx yea like someone commented further up on this post and same, like people just assume i wanna hold their kid because im a woman AND have my own kid. Id never before just put my kid on peoples lap . One thing if the friends insisted themselfs but not all are comfortable holding kids. Pluss we not talking bout a little baby here (even tough i would still not hold if i was eating food myself) the kid soon 3 years old. So its not that cute to be passed a toddler on lap 😆

OP posts:
Redragtoabull · Yesterday 19:09

If it happens again, decline the offer to sit with them as you are put for food to discuss something important. Cheeky fuckers!