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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why his Tinder messages have disappeared one day before date?

37 replies

AmberCatz · Yesterday 21:32

I'm due to meet this guy I matched with on Tinder tomorrow night. We moved to whatsapp after about four days and have chatted on there over the last week. We last confirmed final meeting details last night.

Well I've just noticed tonight he has disappeared as a Tinder match and all our messages gone too!

Would you say something or assume the date is still on? It seems unlikely he would have deleted his profile but at the same time why unmatch me before the date?

OP posts:
AmberCatz · Today 13:20

Idontjetwashthefucker · Today 12:57

What's his response time usually like OP?

usually fast - but he wanted to meet tonight as he was busy earlier

OP posts:
AmberCatz · Today 15:05

he contacted at 2pm asking to reschedule, citing a 'family issue' and saying he was really sorry.

Hope he's not married or something. I'll give him one chance to rearrange and make other plans tonight

OP posts:
Tcateh · Today 15:06

Something is amiss op.

Suspicioustoenails · Today 15:08

Unmatched and deleted messages and then last minute cancellation due to unspecified " family issues"

Red flag OP

AmberCatz · Today 15:10

something may be amiss. I'll give him one chance to reschedule and if he screws that up, I'm out.

OP posts:
Trottersup · Today 15:11

He isn't going to rearrange. He's in retreat mode.

AmberCatz · Today 15:12

what's retreat mode @Trottersup ?

OP posts:
NoCommentingFromNowOn · Today 15:33

AmberCatz · Today 15:12

what's retreat mode @Trottersup ?

I think just gracefully backing away from meeting you.

Like Homer Simpson backing into the hedge.

AmberCatz · Today 15:39

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Today 15:33

I think just gracefully backing away from meeting you.

Like Homer Simpson backing into the hedge.

Well he might be. Bit odd to ask to reschedule if so.

He's been messaging quite a lot. We'll see! The Homer Simpson image did make me smile 😀

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · Today 15:40

It's a well used line sadly OP, if you hear from him again I'll be amazed. Thank you, next

AmberCatz · Today 15:44

@Idontjetwashthefucker it's fine if so, I'm not invested.

But funny that I had a 'feeling' and there we go. If he reschedules for next week, I'll meet him. If not, oh well!

OP posts:
OrdinaryGirl · Today 15:50

When a guy is genuinely into you, and is thoughtful and decent, he takes time and care to communicate respectfully. That hasn’t happened here.

The OP had been left feeling understandably uncertain by this guy simply deleting his Tinder, and unsure as to whether the date he planned was going ahead. He only actually told her the date wasn’t going ahead when she checked with him! Ergo - not a reliable, thoughtful guy.

I’m always surprised that so many Mumsnetters refuse to read the room and will make up any number of excuses for a guy’s poor communication.
Again, when a guy likes you and is kind and decent, you always know, and you’re not left on tenterhooks wondering if a date is still on or whether he’ll show up.

Seems to me there are two main possibilities here:

  1. He’s just a bit hapless with comms, he does want to go out with the OP and he will be in touch again to reschedule. And if that’s the case, she’s got herself a date with a guy who doesn’t care that much about communicating respectfully and this will be a thorn in her side for the whole of their relationship.

  2. He won’t be in touch to reschedule. He is not that into her and is not very respectful.

Either way, my suggestion of cancelling the date after Romeo deleted his entire Tinder profile (and all his messages to OP!) was not a ‘stupid’ or a ‘sabotaging’ one. It was evidence-based, one which meant the OP would not be anxiously hanging around waiting for some guy, and which would indicate clear boundaries on how she expects to be treated.

I haven’t seen any updates from the OP that have persuaded me that my suggestion was anything other than sensible and pragmatic.

Anyway, OP, I’m sure you are a lovely person and I’ll bet you deserve better than to be kept in the dark and strung along by some dude who behaves this way. It’s ok to have high standards. You can unquestionably do better. Wishing you all the best. 💐

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