To wonder why his Tinder messages have disappeared one day before date?

When a guy is genuinely into you, and is thoughtful and decent, he takes time and care to communicate respectfully. That hasn’t happened here.

The OP had been left feeling understandably uncertain by this guy simply deleting his Tinder, and unsure as to whether the date he planned was going ahead. He only actually told her the date wasn’t going ahead when she checked with him! Ergo - not a reliable, thoughtful guy.

I’m always surprised that so many Mumsnetters refuse to read the room and will make up any number of excuses for a guy’s poor communication.
Again, when a guy likes you and is kind and decent, you always know, and you’re not left on tenterhooks wondering if a date is still on or whether he’ll show up.

Seems to me there are two main possibilities here:

1. He’s just a bit hapless with comms, he does want to go out with the OP and he will be in touch again to reschedule. And if that’s the case, she’s got herself a date with a guy who doesn’t care that much about communicating respectfully and this will be a thorn in her side for the whole of their relationship.

2. He won’t be in touch to reschedule. He is not that into her and is not very respectful.

Either way, my suggestion of cancelling the date after Romeo deleted his entire Tinder profile (and all his messages to OP!) was not a ‘stupid’ or a ‘sabotaging’ one. It was evidence-based, one which meant the OP would not be anxiously hanging around waiting for some guy, and which would indicate clear boundaries on how she expects to be treated.

I haven’t seen any updates from the OP that have persuaded me that my suggestion was anything other than sensible and pragmatic.

Anyway, OP, I’m sure you are a lovely person and I’ll bet you deserve better than to be kept in the dark and strung along by some dude who behaves this way. It’s ok to have high standards. You can unquestionably do better. Wishing you all the best. 💐

It's a well used line sadly OP, if you hear from him again I'll be amazed. Thank you, next

I think just gracefully backing away from meeting you.

Like Homer Simpson backing into the hedge.

He isn't going to rearrange. He's in retreat mode.

Unmatched and deleted messages and then last minute cancellation due to unspecified " family issues"

Red flag OP

Something is amiss op.

If he hasn’t responded before you start getting ready for the date I would just block him and get into my pjs

What's his response time usually like OP?

Cancelling a date without any reason is stupid, without even attempting to find out why he deleted his profile. As someone else pointed out, it's quite negative and sabotaging. Asking about the date is not chasing. It's simply confirming.

Quite possible it’s been done so you can’t see he’s still active on Tinder, also his distance to you. Doesn’t necessarily mean the date is off. I’d message and clarify some logistics detail or ask for a photo and see if replies. Decide then if you want to proceed.

Because, a genuine guy who still wants to see her would have dropped her a little message saying ‘You might notice I’ve deleted xyz on Tinder, but I just wanted to say I’m still really looking forward to our date’.

Asking the guy about the date is chasing behaviour and will lead to either OP anxiously waiting for a reply, or to being told the date’s off.
If she cancels on the basis of his deletion, and the guy is genuine, he’ll say, ‘Sorry to hear you can’t make it, I’d love to find a date that works if you would like that?’

@AmberCatz for some reason, this makes me very uneasy, as in, he may turn up, but there is no "paper trail" connecting you. Maybe I watch too many crime dramas.

Personally I'd drop him a message saying as he's deleted everythjng you're assuming the date is off, and then curl up with Netflix and a takeaway.

So you've been chatting for 8 or 9 days on Tinder and WA. Have you not exchanged a single other photo with each other in that time? I'd message this morning to check he's still ok for the date and ask for a recent photo so you'll recognise him when you get to the venue.

Yes hopefully different for OP but that would be more in line with my experience on Tinder. It seems weird to me that he would unmatch before a date if he was keen. He has not deleted his profile, you can hid your profile which stops others seeing it; nobody is deleting and creating new profiles every time they arrange a first date.

I'd message today to confirm the date is still on. People are so flaky these days I would do the same with a friend so no biggie and if he doesn't respond you have your answer.

Why should she cancel the date for no reason? Isn't it easier to just ask the guy about the Tinder messages?

Hes blocked you on Tinder, or unmatched you, so that you can't see that he's still active on there. The dates still on and he can contact you on WhatsApp

But no matter how the date goes, he intends to continue dating other people (nothing wrong with that imo but HE thinks you might not like that)

I think this is him preparing to disappear.