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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum friend took the piss????

111 replies

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:14

AIBU to think my mum’s friend took the piss on holiday?
I’ve just come back from a holiday with my mum and her friend, and I honestly feel like her friend has completely taken the piss.
I paid for the caravan, and her friend didn’t offer a penny towards it. She didn’t offer any petrol money, didn’t offer to contribute towards food, and didn’t offer to buy anything while we were away.
On top of that, she did absolutely no cooking or washing up. It was as though she was there to enjoy the holiday while everyone else paid for everything and did all the work.
In the end, I actually had to demand that she paid for the fish and chips takeaway because she hadn’t offered to pay for anything at all!
What makes it worse is that, on our last holiday, she specifically mentioned how she would help out on this holiday. So I expected her to make some effort this time, but she blatantly didn’t.
She also knows I’m saving for IVF, so money isn’t something I can just throw around. I’m trying to save for something incredibly important to me, which makes the whole situation even more frustrating.
The thing that really annoys me is that my mum seems to think all of this is perfectly fine. She just brushes it off, whereas I feel her friend is taking advantage of her kindness and walking all over her.
I know my mum is an adult and can make her own decisions, but I find it difficult to sit back and watch someone take so much without offering anything in return.
I’m not expecting everything to be split down to the last penny, but surely basic manners would mean offering some petrol money, contributing towards food, or at least helping with the cooking and washing up?
AIBU to think her behaviour was incredibly cheeky and that she took the piss? Or am I being unreasonable for expecting her to contribute when I paid for the holiday?
I’m also frustrated that my mum thinks it’s okay, especially when her friend had previously said she would help out this time.

OP posts:
67789d · Yesterday 14:48

Why did you 'ask her'? Surely you tell her the amount and if she doesnt pay it, she gets no food?

Am I missing something here?

Treehorns · Yesterday 14:28

Let it go.
Tell your mother she will never be included again, and stick to it.
I wouldn't want to be in her company again.

shhblackbag · Yesterday 14:20

Why is your mum taking a friend on a holiday that you've paid for (the caravan)? It's cheeky of her, actually. Obviously CF friend should be paying, but I wonder if your mum has said to her that it's fine?

I'd speak to your mother. She's not looking great in this.

Sunbringer · Yesterday 14:13

For all you know your mum said it was her treat.

Yogabearmous · Yesterday 14:11

Don’t go away with her ever again. Tell your mum her curbed is not invited.

Waytoohothot · Yesterday 14:10

Why do people come on here to moan about people who dont have boundaries, you want people to agree with you but assuming you paid for your mum its your holiday and up to you who comes so if you want her to come next time and there are 3 adults you pay two thirds of total price for you and your mum and friend pays a third and work out food bill and divide that by 3 and add that to her bill and she pays before she arrives, she doesnt pay she doesnt come

godmum56 · Yesterday 14:09

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

and what? she said no once and that was that?

pinkdelight · Yesterday 14:05

Why on earth are you going on holiday with your mum's friend?? Sounds like hell even if she wasn't a tight pisstaker. Let your mum go with her friend and they can foot the bill between them. You shouldn't be paying for other people and if your mum is so chill about it, she should be covering her friend's costs and share of skivvying. People only treat you this way if you let them. Well done for demanding the fish n chips cash but that's the tip of the iceberg. Never again - promise yourself now!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · Yesterday 14:05

Can you go through your bank statements and send her a bill? She might not pay it, but it will emphasise what a CF she is.

Eristealviper · Yesterday 14:04

You won’t be going anywhere with her again, -will you, OP?!!

Nevermind31 · Yesterday 14:04

Add up the spending, divide it by however many people, then send her a text asking for x money.
why did you go on holiday with her again? And why didn’t you say… Marge, your turn to cook/ wash up/ etc?

cramptramp · Yesterday 14:02

I would have said something about it to her in front of everyone. I can’t stand people like that.

WiddlinDiddlin · Yesterday 14:01

Tell your Mum to reimburse you for what you spent on her friend.

And tell her it's not happening again, if she wants to take her friend on holiday, she covers all friends costs, but you won't be going with them again!

theearthsayshello · Yesterday 14:00

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

Why did you go away with her when you already knew she is a cheeky fucker?

Daisymail · Yesterday 13:59

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

She shouldn't be "chipping in", she should be paying her share of everything in full.

Daisymail · Yesterday 13:57

You are right to be furious but considering she had form for this, why on earth did you agree to go away with her again? You knew exactly what she was like.

Your mum is also part of the problem and neither of them will ever change. Going forward, you either holiday with friends or alone.

Tablesandchairs23 · Yesterday 13:51

She's a cf. In future don't like her come.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · Yesterday 13:49

Pure cheek! I would be pissed if someone did that to my mum! Not paying could be for all sorts of reasons, and you don’t know if her and your mum maybe had some kind of deal but imo if you’re not paying because of XYZ you should at least get the rubber gloves on and wash up!! Do not go on holiday with her again and maybe have a word with your mum and just check she’s not getting rinsed by this woman on the regular.

BMW58 · Yesterday 13:44

Obviously you never go on holiday with this person along again.

If your Mum tries to insist her friend is invited then you don't go at all - have a holiday alone or with a friend of yours!

Wayk · Yesterday 13:42

Absolutely awful behaviour. How can she expect everyone else to pay for her? You are 💯 right to be annoyed.

AnonyMumAuDHD · Yesterday 13:39

If you invite your mum again just be clear that her friend is not invited unless she contributes in cash up front towards the caravan hire and by making an advance contribution to the food kitty before arrival. If your mum is such a pushover (because she is also expecting you to pay for her, too), then your mum may be the problem here.

I’d personally say no more friend, or find someone else to go on holiday with.

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

OP posts:
Inertia · Yesterday 13:36

Why can’t you go on holiday with just your mum?

YksiKaksiKolme · Yesterday 13:35

Granville82 · Yesterday 13:22

Obviously you are not unreasonable to expect someone to reciprocate labour and actual goods like food. But I think you are being unreasonable in that apparently you keep letting this situation happen, and then being surprised it's... still happening. You're an adult, just say no.

Edited

You need to put up boundries before you book a holiday.

Happyjoe · Yesterday 13:33

The last holiday she said she'd do more? Then this was her last chance to step up. No more holidays with her, surely? That's the solution to stop someone taking the piss.

Best of luck with IVF.

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