Mum friend took the piss????

The ship has sailed now but next time say were going away and the cost per person for the caravan is xx.xx each. Do you want to come.
Then say do you want to get your own shopping or shall I just get it and we split the cost.
Then when away say right whose cooking and whose washing up.
Seeing as she doesn't offer you need to give her a nudge or it will spoil your trip away

Maybe you need to have a conversation.

” ..Janet, we just need to settle up our holiday costs. I’ve worked it out that you owe me £x for the caravan,£y for petrol and £z towards food costs, so that’s £xyz all together. Here are my details if you could transfer it over. Many thanks’.

I wouldn't invite her again if she constantly takes the piss. You paid for the holiday tell your mum her friend isn't welcome as she never contributes her fair share

@teenagedirtbag1990
She's not a friend of your mum
She's a user of your mum
They may have a history that goes way back
Where they've established their stances to eachother so
She'd assume you'd be the same as your mother
And she'd get away with being the way she always is
Don't go away with her ever again
And as for your mum
I know she's an adult true
But maybe say something about her being played for a paying fool?

The woman's a CF, but it is also on you for not standing up for yourself and being more assertive.

Tell her you paid for the caravan and her and your mum are paying for the food so can she please send you x amount. Then it really is obvious she's taking the mickey out of your mum if she doesn't do it. My mum had a friend like that who let her pay for dinner and wine and I didn't want to rock the boat but she just got away with it and it pisses me off to this day!

You were crazy to give her any food, then!

CFs will keep being CFs, and no amount of hint-dropping or hoping they’ll do the right thing will get them to change. As hard as it is, you have to call them out.
Years ago it transpired that my own father invited me to join him on holiday because he thought that I’d pay for and do everything! It was very exhausting constantly having to say ‘come on Dad, it’s your turn to pay’ and ‘alright,
what are you cooking tonight? It’s your turn.’ I even had to go to the lengths of asking the waiter if we could have separate bills when we sat down (restaurant staff just love that, don’t they?!) because the previous time when I’d paid he thought he’d be clever and order three courses plus drinks when I’d ordered only a main.
Very very hard work, and I learned a valuable lesson. Needless to say I’ve not gone on holiday with him since!

Lesson learned - go away with your mum without this CF!

I wouldn’t have paid for her. She is a cf, do not go on holiday with her again!

Perhaps a kitty for food and drink and rota for dishes etc?

I’m not sure what her financial situation is but you’re not unreasonable for feeling taken advantage of. Perhaps she’s a good friend and your mum doesn’t have a lot of good friends so is unwilling to make this a hill to die on. You, however are not in the same position and this isn’t something that you are willing to let go in exchange for her friendship. Completely fair. I don’t think that it’s reasonable to bill retrospectively, but you have all of the information that you need to act accordingly in future. Whether that means that you never go anywhere with this woman again, or the next time you go away to split the costs upfront. The caravan is x amount, petrol will be y and food kitty will be Z, which equals a share of £this much each. If you fancy it please and payment to this bank account by this date so that we can get it booked. Then if you want to treat your mum you can arrange to pay her portion privately.

Why did you agree she could come on the holiday you’d paid for?! How bizarre!

I would tell your mum now that you found her friend’s behaviour incredibly rude and you will never be going out or on holiday with her again. Your mum can go with her (or you!) as a duo, that’s that.

You are not being unreasonable and unfortunately some people are just takers!

Was she like this last time on holiday and what is she like as a friend to your mum? Is she very much a taker in their friendship?

I have the same issues with my MIL who is a complete taker and has been on holiday with us a few times but now we have actually stopped inviting her as we were finding we were just looking after her or paying for everything the whole time and as never cooks, helps or buys anything but happy to purchase herself £150 worth of tabacco at the airport on the way home. And I felt like a complete mug every time!

If I were you I'd talk with your mum about the situation and say you won't be inviting her again. Not sure if you are close with the friend, do you may not see her regularly, but I'd either say to her you were disappointed that she didn't help or contribute on holiday and you won't be going with them again as its just to much for you and you can't afford to be paying for everything and doing everything, it's your holiday too!

I wouldn't go on holiday with either your Mum or her and her friend again. This sounds like an odd friendship. Is she a user with your Mum too? Are they definitely just friends? If so I don't understand why the cost wouldn't be clearly split.

Fool me once...
YANBU thinking she's a CF, but YABU to be that surprised.

Crikey we just went away with my parents and even tho they don't ask I always transfer the half of the cottage and half the food shop my mum gets it's common courtesy

Crickets..

And then what did you do?

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

I don't know why you are paying for your mum and her friends holiday, let alone then doing everything while there?

I think especially since this isn't the first time it's gone like that, and you've already told them how you felt before, then they both know what they're doing and they are happy to take the piss and exploit you.

I would not be doing it again. Tell your mum that youve had enough. They both reneged on the agreement to contribute and it isn't fair and that's the end of you paying for holidays.
It's supposed to be your holiday too!

No, you aren't being unreasonable. She said she would help out this time. There's nothing wrong with giving a friend a second chance, especially when she admits her shortcoming and promises to do better this time. It's also possible she didn't have the money last time and that your mother had led her to believe it was okay to go as a guest last time.

In fact, the only question about this I have is your mother's unconcerned attitude. Is it possible this lady was given mixed messages, with you expecting her to pay her fair share but your mother telling her not to worry about it?

Anyway, you did speak up this time. I don't know what else you could have done, aside from snatching her purse and grabbing the money or leaving in a huff and ruining the whole trip.

I'd be mad too though and Ms. Freeloader not be getting a third chance!

Depends on the situation, if we were booking to go away with someone I’d except them to pay for their share, but if id invited them as a guest I wouldn’t really expect them to contribute. Maybe like a bottle of wine or do the dishes etc. Did you mum invite her as a guest?

just grow a spine and ask her to pay the amount she owes you

What exactly did she do / say? Did she just refuse? Or did she say she would then didn't do it so you just cooked for her like a doormat? She's a CF but you've let her do that.

You say your mum didn't mind as much. Was it you or your mum subbing her or both?