Was this petty of me?

But why on earth is only one of you sticking to a budget? Surely you should be pooling all your money and cutting back together if that's really necessary. Why isn't your DH supporting you financially if he has more money?

Is it petty not to want the food you've bought for a specific purpose eaten, so its then not available for that purpose? No. Its very annoying when people do that as it causes the inconvenience of replacing it.
Is the context in which you're asking the question petty? Yes. A married couple who keep their finances so seperate that even the food in their shared cupboard belongs exclusively to one of them are living in a way that makes pettiness inevitable.

get some more with a label saying 'for the greedy cheapskate cunt'

Worked for me at uni years ago 😂

Jesus. Are you sure you are old enough to be married? This sounds like flatmates at college.. What a miserable way to live.

I have this with my son. Essentially he can eat all of the chicken snacks I get while I’m dieting as long as he leaves one and lets me or his dad know that we are down to one so I can replace them. They’re mine, but not exclusively, I just need to know so I don’t get left without when I might need them to stop me picking up something unhealthy

Pretty sure the other way round most of the posts would be “his debt his problem” and not berating a female for not treating him more “letting him suffer”

But do you both have a similar standard of living or is one of you rationing food because they’re paying debts while the other isn’t?

So that OP could tell us about her bonkers living arrangement

Nope I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all.
I’ve hidden food before from my other half and older children because they’d eat 2 or 3 packets of crisps at a time which leaves me going to the local (more expensive) convenience store during the week for the younger kids packed lunches.
I’m not sure my relationship is one to set standards by though 😂😂

I'm glad you’ve told him, even if it is just a little niggly thing. I’m also glad he listened.
maybe if my family listened, I wouldn’t have to hide food in my own house 😂

Do you have a husband or a roommate.

Your income is yours to share and your debts are yours to pay together. Why aren’t you pooling funds so you don’t live on the breadline rationing chocolates.

Surely if he knew you were having to ration to make things last he should be offering to pay more to the household…does he have savings?

I cannot understand why two people who are married would ever have a different standard of living, it is bizarre

What a weird way to be married!?

I have questions:

• Why do you and your husband not eat together?
• Why is your husband eating chocolate bars in the night?

If he really can’t be trusted to leave your chocolate bars alone then I guess you need to put them in a box and hide them somewhere. But I can’t help thinking you’ve got bigger problems than chocolate bars.

Me and my husband have a joint account and separate accounts and we both do our own grocery shopping. We have completely differing diets and I am only safe from him taking my chocolate cos he's one of those "keep chocolate in the fridge weirdos" lol
However, if one of us was struggling financially I'm sure we would come together to work on a joint plan. It might be worth addressing that together if you haven't already.
And if you are part of a relationship together you should be able to say hands off my twix or shall we share a bigger pack of mars bars etc without worrying about it.

You sound like roommates.

This is really odd. My partner and I (not married, mostly separate finances) wouldn't ever see the other in debt and struggling if they could afford to either pay off or ease other expenses.

Was it petty of me to kindly let him know I'd like to keep them for work, but that i can buy us a larger pack to split between us?

And also

He understood

I can't for the life of me fathom why you started a thread about it then?

I think much of this is about your debt, how you got into it, how much it is etc, as I don’t automatically think, as others do, if one gets into debt the other has to support them, sure if it’s for joint things but not for something that was solely fhem, then I’d fully advise seperate finances until they were fiscally responsible

on sayinf that it must be very bad for you indeed when it comes down to a chocolate bar you can’t afford to replace, and I find the situation you don’t eat together or shop together very odd,

Not petty at all! Going against the grain, we live in a very similar way to you, op, as we eat very different things and come in at different times in the evening so rarely eat together. Married for 20 years next year- works well for us!

Tell him of course he can eat your chocolate bars he’s your husband and you love him but remind him that the reason that you buy the chocolate bar is as a component to your pack lunch because you’re on a very strict budget and explain to him that because this is challenging,it would be nice if he treated you by buying you some chocolate bars in return or perhaps going one better than that and helping you out above and beyond this.

Sounds like a very bleak way to share a life with someone.

YABU to have a marriage like this! You sound like housemates.

I can’t see what about this is petty?

There's nothing wrong with having at least some separate food. Some couples have vastly different tastes/dietary needs.

He knew they were yours as he asked permission to eat one. So you're completely reasonable to say 'please don't eat all my choc bars in the night without telling me! You know they're for my lunches. If you want them I'll buy bigger packs or you buy them too. But for now can you replace the ones you ate please?'

It's not just the cost though, it's the inconvenience of making a plan for lunches and someone else creating more work by snaffling half the stuff and then you have to discover it and buy more. The person helping themselves to stuff earmarked for a particular use should check with you first and replace it themselves if required, not leave you with the problem. That's not controlling, it's mutual courtesy between partners.

In our house things I buy for packed lunches is off limits. You can ask and if there is enough to spare I'll say fine. But don't leave me in the position of having to rush out to Tesco Express on Sunday evening because some thoughtless twerp has scoffed all the ham I only bought with the main shop yesterday.

Gosh, I think your domestic life needs to be waaay more integrated. You will be wanting to have children with your husband, in all likelihood, and this really isn't a foundation for that.