Ultimate Betrayal

Yep. Initial analysis still stands, grow the fuck up.

Yes, I think she did just take them for a photo and that was what had been agreed with her husband. Opportunity to get a nice family photo. Maybe not what you or I would do but that is what it seems they agreed.
Sounds like the last time she tried yo get some family photos done she arranged the photographer and the party then was left out of them when she went to change after doing all the pre party prep. Clearly having a family photo matters to her.

Graduation photos are highly overrated. I’ve never put my own up though I had one of my daughter’s graduation up for a while. If she had chosen one with the kids on looking miserable it would have always reminded her of the awkwardness of you being late. She wants happy memories of her big day. Take the family out to the park and get a friend, of even a total stranger, to take some snaps of you all together. Believe me, you’ll treasure those more than some stuffy, posed official ones.

If I understand your posts correctly, you feel like there's a pattern of you putting in a lot of effort but not being considered in return?

If that's it, maybe marriage counseling can turn it around.

I also noticed you later posted that you are really the wife and the graduating one was your husband. Especially if you're in a position of being taken for granted, one thing I'd suggest is to stop having children. With FOUR young children (!) you are probably good and stuck and will have to take whatever he dishes out for some time into the future, as it is.

It's possible he knows that and acts accordingly. With older kids- and job skills- you will have far more power in the relationship. If this even applies. Good luck.

No. They were saying OP had no right to be upset with or blame the husband/wife.

Many of us did say that we understand being disappointed/upset at the situation.

I think perhaps you’re expressing your frustration at what’s possibly his lack of recognition of your support/sacrifice by focusing on the photos?

I would certainly be upset if a partner turned down a semi-decent pic of me and our children in favour of one with someone else. But you emphasised that it was a dreadful photo… I’m afraid I still don’t understand why anyone would want that. I think you’re focusing on what it would have represented if it was a decent photo, and perhaps you feel that he wouldn’t have chosen it even then?

What I’m saying is that I don’t think this is really about the photo.

So in that case the photo was originally going to be with her family anyway?

I mean the package might have been one family photo but they do allow you to get extras if you pay

OP insists that no extras were allowed 🤷‍♀️

There are so many red flags is your post, I hope your wife now has the capacity and headspace to rethink her relationship. You had one job for one day, your wife has completed a degree whilst being a parent fo 4 young children. There is nothing in your post that suggests you have been supportive or shared responsibility, the fact you are making such a big deal about having to get the children up, feed them and get them to one place, for one day and are making excuses is really telling. Paying for photos does not mean you are entitled to anything, it is just what a loving partner would do. You have made this all about you and you are blaming your wife for you not getting your shite together. Of course finding parking takes time, particularly on graduation days- basic adulting. You sound vile and controlling OP, and I say this as someone who works with this kind of shite day-in/out, not angry vitriol

This can’t be real, no one is that ridiculous self absorbed are they? If it’s true and you set off an hour later than you should have and didn’t plan where you’re going to park, that’s totally on you. If the pictures with you and the kids in looked rubbish, why on earth would she choose them. Stop being so silly and over dramatic.

This is what I don't get.

How would her having photos earlier make the kids misbehave and ruin their own photos with her?

Just as well she did have them earlier or she'd have nothing decent to remember her day. How would that redeem the photos with the children?

What are you actually wanting her to have done?

You sound petulant ... She has done absolutely nothing wrong.

Maybe you stuffed up by not having the children in proper shape - fed, calm - for the photos. But shouldn't she be cross with YOU for that, not vice versa?

Well done for buying her a gown.

@Mufasa1992 “my point is knowing he could only have one family photos why take it without us knowing we were on the way to make the second slot”

you should’ve said that

Instead of all the other crap

Well, maybe he thought you weren’t gonna make it with all that chaos going on and it’s more worthwhile having adult adults who really understand what happened and what he achieved

My dad did this when we were little and there was no fuss like what you’re making. He brought home cake cause he graduated. It was nice. The end. He doesn’t have family in the UK so there’s just a graduation photo of him.

There's a sense here you feel taken for granted OP.
What does he do for you and the children?
What do you have for yourself, outside of being his wife and a mum? Job you like, hobbies, time to see friends, or just go for a walk or read, those things.

Now his degree is done, can the balance be redressed if it needs it?

Honestly if I were you I would ask for this reverse to be deleted and try expressing your feelings and situation in a new post.

You seem to think you’re proving something by reversing the sexes, but men and women are not the same.

I was going to ask how your wife got a degree whilst knocking out a kid apparently every year of her course.

Reversing the genders is a fucking weird thing to do and only works if your a run of the mill incel troll trying to feed a woman hating narrative.

Very odd post.

Actually the gender reveal explains a lot to me.

Women on here get super insecure and resentful about spouse's relationship with ILs. I thought (as a man) you sounded like an insecure DIL getting envious the photos were with them.

Just read that you have reversed sexes (not genders, as you claim).

This makes a massive difference: as others point out, it’s completely different if a man (who has not been through pregnancy, postpartum, breastfeeding etc) is getting his kids ready, to if it’s a woman who has likely done all these things and may be getting little help. So it simply doesn’t work to change the sexes.

Second, a man getting a degree who has not been pregnant, given birth, and recently breastfed 4 DC is not the same as a woman getting a degree whilst also doing all those things. Her achievement is much bigger. He could just go about his business as usual (many men do).

So again, you’ve totally misrepresented the situation, twisted it, and made it meaningless.

Even so, I have one demanding 2 year old and the idea of a “nice lunch” and her dressed in fancy clothes taking a pretty photo is laughable. I know some people do have kids that don’t make a peep and aren’t snotty and smile and sit happily in high chairs… but 4 of those angels? Not likely. This day was always going to be tricky.

Professional photos are another big con and expectation raiser: life isn’t like those nice fancy airbrushed photos people post online.

Ultimate betrayal? Dramatic much!

Calling this an ultimate betrayal is ridiculous. Newsflash - partner's graduation is not about you, and you don't get a medal for getting your own kids to an event late, and hungry & discombobulated.

You really need to get a grip.

Two sets of twins? or Quadruplets?
One set in nursery and one set preschool.
And his wife managed to get a degree whilst dealing with the four of them.
😂

"this was a disaster kids were hungry and in tears in all the photos not looking forward the lot."

"my kids were fed and happy on arrival"

So which is it? The reversal of the sexes isn't the only thing that makes little sense here.