Page 15 | Selling inherited house when sibling living in it

Dutchhouse14 · 2026-10-16T10:50:44+00:00

Our DM passed away a few months ago and her will divides everything equally between me and my 2 siblings. Im the sole executor. Dsis ,mid 50s, has always lived at home, never moved out. Towards the end of mums life she became her carer. She works limited hours although she has increased these with overtime since mum passed away but full time contracts are non existent in her sector. Shes used to pay a small amount of housekeeping but this stopped when she was made redundant from full time work about 10 years ago. DMs house is in a bad state of repair, none of us can afford to maintain it . Me and my other sibling want to sell. But DSis is resisting ,not replying to texts, avoiding phones calls, went out when estates agents came round for valuations etc She has limited income and savings but could get a small mortgage and with proceeds of sale she could get a 1 bed flat. My other sibling agrees we need to sell but doesn't want to upset dsis and is generally very good at avoidance! They are happy to give Dsis a much bigger share ie 50% I would prefer 40% which i think is realistic for dsis to buy somewhere. So ive become the wicked witch of the West in Dsis eyes and shes taking it all out on me, well basically stopped talking to me. WIBU to put the house on the market? Probate has been granted. Anyone know what the legal situation is? I dont want to fall out with Dsis, I love her, but she seems filled with resentment for me and frankly has said some very hurtful things. Ive always been there for her but shes never ever reciprocated or supported me when ive needed it. Although I live with DH and DC, the money would really help my future, my pension etc and I dont want to give my share to Dsis, which is what I think she really wants as shes used to being in charge of DMs money , always lived here so I think basically considers everything as hers. Just dont know how to move things forward or if im being unreasonable selling the house and wanting my share

Namemechangey · Yesterday 22:57

You said you want the money for pensions and future and you have your own home and don’t need the money right now. Your sister has also been your mums carer, to the detriment of her own earning power and that is a thankless and full on job.
I would give her a year, to get back on her feet and find herself again, build up her earnings and savings and come to terms with moving out of her home.
i imagine too that the house holds a lot more memories of your mother and her than it does for you as she was living there.
could you offer to give a years grace with a specific date it will go on the market?

sittingonabeach · Yesterday 23:03

For those saying the sister was vulnerable she was also in charge of DM’s finances, do surely not that vulnerable

AlexandraCarrington · Yesterday 23:13

I would give her a year, to get back on her feet and find herself again, build up her earnings and savings and come to terms with moving out of her home.

Who is paying for the necessary repairs to the house and preventing it from deteriorating further during that year?

Plus council tax, insurance, utilities....

GreatGreenFatball · Yesterday 23:16

Hi OP, I’m very sorry for your loss.
This very situation happened when my grandad died. My uncle lived at home all his life, and cared for my grandad in his last years. My dad and aunt wanted to sell the house.
In some ways they all found a way around things for everyone to ‘win’, they arranged with a solicitor for the house to go into my uncle’s name and he borrowed against it to pay them what they would’ve received from a sale based on valuation. There were some small nuances to this arrangement I can give you more intel on if you want.
But - whilst the arrangement seems neatly sewn up, lots of unforgivable things had been said when they were trying to force him out, and 16 years on our family is still torn apart from it. I can only visit them and wider family in silos (wider family took sides), but when I do they all complain about the others. Emotionally draining.
I have many thoughts and insight if you would like to message on it.
If you are able, one thing I highly suggest is allowing each other more time to process your grief individually before you commit, grief can be like a cloud whilst it never fully disappears it can feel smaller with time and people may change their mind at that point, or it simply removes some of the immediate tension to make the path ahead slightly easier to navigate.
With best wishes

Waspalert · Yesterday 23:28

NovemberMorn · 16/10/2026 12:13

I feel so sorry for your sister, who has always lived in the family home, and was your mums carer, she is in a horrible position.
Given that you dont seem to be in need of the money at this present time, could an agreement with your sister that she pay you and the other sibling rent, now she is working longer hours not be arranged, till at least she comes to terms with a sudden lifechange.?

I am sorry for the loss of your mum. x

I completely agree with this. Living with someone and becoming their carer and then watching them deteriorate and eventually die is very traumatic. You are your other sibling will have been protected from having to deal from this situation, which can be extremely hard work and emotionally very draining. It seems as though your sister has had limited work opportunities due to caring for your mum, so this is something that she maybe needs to be reimbursed for. My suggestion is that you take a step back, slow down the process of selling the house and think about how you can financially thank her for her caring contribution and being there for your mum as she was dying thus enabling you and your other sibling to be removed from the situation. Acknowledgment of the emotional turmoil this may have caused might help to ease the situation.

babyproblems · Yesterday 23:32

Gloriia · 16/10/2026 11:59

Your dm should've seen this was going to happen and left the whole thing to her dd living there as you and your other dsis have your own homes.

As she didn't all you can do is get legal advice and get it on the market if you dont want to let her carry on living there. Such a shame for everyone involved that it's come to this.

Sorry about your dm

Agree with this. Was your sister ever paid or gifted money for being her carer?? This also seems very unfair to me and I can imagine this is really really stressful for her. It is for everyone of course but that has been her home. Your mother could have thought this through better and I wonder if your sister thought she would be given more in the will if she had been a carer for a long period of time; it’s absolutely hell on earth to care for someone when they are end of life; especially if it’s someone you love. Don’t underestimate how hard that has likely been for your sister.
Im also wondering if you & your other sibling discussed this possible outcome of her still being resident in the house after your mum passed; surely it would have been obvious that this was the way things were headed.

In your shoes, assuming she wasn’t paid a salary for being a carer, I would be same as your other sister and be more generous than the will states and give her more than a third.

DuggansBakery · Yesterday 23:35

NovemberMorn · 16/10/2026 12:13

I feel so sorry for your sister, who has always lived in the family home, and was your mums carer, she is in a horrible position.
Given that you dont seem to be in need of the money at this present time, could an agreement with your sister that she pay you and the other sibling rent, now she is working longer hours not be arranged, till at least she comes to terms with a sudden lifechange.?

I am sorry for the loss of your mum. x

I’d see it differently. The Dsis is in a house that needs expensive upkeep and maintenance. It’s also not her sole house. A bit of carrot and stick needed … the OP has to execute the will, and might get the other sibling on board to help find an alternative place to live. Of course this would need to be done sympathetically and with patience, but if the Dsis is resistant, she needs to be guided towards a solution.

Ladyymuck · Yesterday 23:35

Crucible · 16/10/2026 11:56

Yes - agree. If your mum had wanted it any other way she'd have made another will.

Exactly this ⬆️

JillyComeLately · Yesterday 23:58

It's worth considering when the mum made the will.
Many people make a will and don't update it when circumstances change.
If it was made 5 years or more before she died, before her daughter became her full time carer, that should be taken into consideration.

LeftBoobGoneRogue · Today 00:27

Spotsmum · Yesterday 15:29

I think you're awful. You want to make her homeless, and for what?

Read the full thread. They don’t want to make her homeless. She could afford a 1 bed flat with her share plus her savings.
She can’t afford the repairs and ongoing costs for the house.

clarissadavenport · Today 00:49

LeftBoobGoneRogue · Today 00:27

Read the full thread. They don’t want to make her homeless. She could afford a 1 bed flat with her share plus her savings.
She can’t afford the repairs and ongoing costs for the house.

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Where is she going to live in the meantime? Your place?

iveryseldomfollowit · Today 00:50

Gloriia · 16/10/2026 11:59

Your dm should've seen this was going to happen and left the whole thing to her dd living there as you and your other dsis have your own homes.

As she didn't all you can do is get legal advice and get it on the market if you dont want to let her carry on living there. Such a shame for everyone involved that it's come to this.

Sorry about your dm

No, their mother shouldn’t have left her home to one child. Why should one child inherit a home whilst the other two work to buy theirs over a 25 year period.

Their mum had 3 children and has rightly chosen to treat them equally and not expect 2 of them to lose thousands of inherited income (which will help their futures) because 1 child never got their act together. That adult child shouldn’t be the siblings responsibility now that she’s no longer the parent’s responsibility. Absolutely unfair that you think their dm should have left her home to the child who never managed to move out.

Their dm should’ve have stated in the Will that the house goes up for sale at 12 months after her passing and that the adult currently living at the property gets first refusal of buying it at market value.

@Dutchhouse14 someone has to be the bad guy in this situation, your dm wanted it not to be her so didn’t stipulate in her Will that the house must be sold so that you get your fair share. She did however want you to have 1/3 so it’s fine to put the property on the market. You’ll just have to accept that your relationship with your DSis may be over though. That’s not your fault!

iveryseldomfollowit · Today 00:58

sittingonabeach · Yesterday 21:28

She had pretty much a free home for years

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Exactly! And no doubt paid a Carers Allowance. She hasn’t yet had to stand on her own two feet. It’s now time!

BruFord · Today 01:29

babyproblems · Yesterday 23:32

Agree with this. Was your sister ever paid or gifted money for being her carer?? This also seems very unfair to me and I can imagine this is really really stressful for her. It is for everyone of course but that has been her home. Your mother could have thought this through better and I wonder if your sister thought she would be given more in the will if she had been a carer for a long period of time; it’s absolutely hell on earth to care for someone when they are end of life; especially if it’s someone you love. Don’t underestimate how hard that has likely been for your sister.
Im also wondering if you & your other sibling discussed this possible outcome of her still being resident in the house after your mum passed; surely it would have been obvious that this was the way things were headed.

In your shoes, assuming she wasn’t paid a salary for being a carer, I would be same as your other sister and be more generous than the will states and give her more than a third.

Show quote history

Was your sister ever paid or gifted money for being her carer??

@babyproblems Being provided with a home and having all the household bills paid for you into your 50's is payment, isn't it? She cared for her Mum for five years, but her Mum had provided her DD with decades of free housing/household bills prior to that.

I'm assuming that she was the only sibling who received this level of financial support.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · Today 02:01

WearingBeautifulShoes · 16/10/2026 12:07

I don't know about the legalities of selling a house when someone's still living there who doesn't want it sold - but when you finally do sell it the money absolutely should be split into 1/3s as per your mum's wishes.

Don't give her more than a third as an incentive to move.

Keep shares as stated in the Will.

Original poster

Dutchhouse14 · Today 05:07

Got a third of way through posts, thank you to everyone who replied.
I am a bit concerned about the legalities of being an executor as its my legal duty to disperse the the estate according to the will.
I have got probate, was going to do an assent to transfer deeds into our 3 names but solicitor I contacted about assent said if going to sell keep in deceased name and sell as an executor as easier and cheaper.
Im not heartless, I love my sister, I would never make her homeless but I do want to sell and so does Dbro, but as usual im left with all the heavy lifting.
I actually think it would be nicervl for her to buy somewhere smaller and more manageable in good condition. My parents never really maintained the house in the 50 years they lived there as no surplus money, it would be worth at 25% more if they had, it needs full renovation.
Dsis has never done any maintenance and tbh barely any cleaning either.
Im happy to give her more, ie approx 40/30/30 and more if she cant get a mortgage or needs more for 1 bed flat.
The PP who said shes failed to launch is right. She's lived with minimum costs for all her life, paid £100-200 housekeeping for 30 years then got made redundant and totally lived off mums pension, all housing,bills and food paid for. mum even paid for her car.
Before she was made redundant she did have substantial savings, theres no evidence to say shes spent any of it . She will not disclose her savings,other than to say she hasnt spent any of her redundancy money.
She was a carer for 5 ish years the last 2 years were very tough, mum should have been in a nursing home really but DSIs refused, i don't think this was entirely altruistic, when asked she did say if she wasn't living there and housing not a worry she would have preferred mum to be in a care home, so if im honest her caring for mum was as much to keep a roof over her head than for any altruistic reason and towards the end probably not in mums best interests. She didn't want to use mums money for carers. I had to arrange OH to come out and get a hoist ,special chair so mum wasn't just in bed, dsis had accepted she had to stay in bed. The hoist really needs 2 carers to move mum, sister refused and said she'd do it herself, we were both hoist trained but i live 50 miles away and work full time so obviously not there every day. DBro lives 3 miles away but not as involved as me.
Dbro does want the house to be sold, he just wants me to sort everything and have all the difficult conversations, as usual! But he is happier for Dsis to have a bigger share, as am I but I want dsis to use her savings and try and get a mortgage first.
A month or so after DM died I did say we need to decide about the house what do you think we should do and she said im going to live there.
I raised concerns about condition,running costs etc but she just brushed them off, shes blind to condition of house tbh.
Shes not really happy about sharing out mums possessions, sentimental value only but id like some of them. Shes denying all knowledge about some jewellery, family photographs etc and refused to let me have dad's wedding ring when she was estranged from him and Dbro didnt want it she still told me I couldnt have it.
I know shes grieving, we all are, I phone/ message to check in on her ,never once does she ask about me and never has. She's said some very hurtful things to me and im her punchbag.
Im going through a rocky patch with DH, so its not just pension im worried about tbh there's a lot going on. DH wants to retire soon and cant afford it, still have 3DC at home including 2 with sen so if im honest the money would really help us.
Ive always had to pay my way and also juggle caring responsibilities. Despite being in her 50s, in many ways Dsis has remained like a teenager , but the last few years have been tough on her and I do know if mum went into a care home they may have been not much left but equally dsis would have had to pay rent and bills and buy her own food etc.
Im a bit worried if we delay things she will expect to stay in the house forever . I will obviously support her through the process but it will be overwhelming for her.
Shes changed all bills into her name and I said about house insurance and she said she would do it and now has.
Mum wouldn't have wanted us to fall out or for dsis to be homeless but she did leave everything to be split equally ,although the will was old she could have changed it anytime up to 5 years ago.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dutchhouse14 · Today 05:10

LondonLass2026 · 16/10/2026 14:53

I could be reading about myself.

This was me 20 years ago. One sibling refused to move as he lived at home full time. Other sibling didn't live at home at all, and was happy to sell.

I had my own house but moved back home to become mum's carer.

When mum passed, the sibling who had left home years earlier due to marriage was desperate to sell but was too scared to suggest it. So I made it clear that we were going to have to sell. I then became the bad guy while my sibling who had long left was delighted! The house-based sibling didn't talk to me for 6 months, and it hurt because we're best friends.

Selling was the only way to resolve it in our case, and the house-based sibling soon learned to stand on his own two feet. As will your sister.

Thats reassuring thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

Dutchhouse14 · Today 05:47

Elsvieta · 16/10/2026 22:32

But she let the valuers in the house, right? She didn't refuse entry. You can't make her like it, but it sounds like she does actually understand that the sale is going ahead.

YANBU. She can't afford to maintain the place on her income; she'll obviously have bigger bills on the house than she would have on a smaller place. Who's she going to be calling on for help when she can't afford repairs on the house? And that's before we even get onto old age. Suppose she needs to fund care later on, and she's still in the house? Massive potential mess.

Downsizing is the best thing for her as well as for you and db. If she can have a little place of her own, owned outright, before retirement, that's a good result - better than either renting or struggling on in a house she can't keep up. But property prices are unlikely to go down and the mortgage thing will get harder for her with every passing year. If it's going to be possible for her to get that flat, she should start looking soon. She needs a sustainable, realistic plan for her future - "I stay here in a house that's too big and pretend two other people don't own it" isn't it.

She's got very used to being looked after. If you let her, she'll try to get you and / or db to step into the "parent" role. Don't. For her good as well as yours. "I've always sponged off someone else and so I should be allowed to carry on doing so" isn't an argument. Time for her to grow up.

If db is happy to let her have 40% and so are you, seeing as she's buying alone and later in life and is less well off than you, that would be generous. And handy for a bit of leverage, perhaps - say you will sign over the extra money IF she co-operates with the sale and doesn't make this difficult. Anything else you could throw in? Help with moving costs? And lots of help with clearing the house, packing etc. Try to get her excited about it - her own home, where she can pick all the decor and everything and have it all just as she wants it, for the first time ever. Peace, independence, privacy. (There's a lot of middle aged women salivating at the thought...). Offer to help her paint or whatever. Be positive, helpful, jolly about it all. But make it clear that sticking her head in the sand is not an option. She has to face up to things and make a plan for living the life she actually has, on the money she actually has. Get db on board. United front. You're both going to support her in moving forward; you're not going to support her in sitting still. Then you're going to buy her a nice housewarming meal, with gifts that will look great in her new home. It's not a tragedy, it's a new chapter. In a year or two she'll realize she's actually better off in her cosy flat with its smaller bills. Don't apologize for not pandering to her and babying her. Make it clear she will get a lot of love and support from you and db, but only if she acts rationally. She can leave the house and find a nice new place with lots of support, or she can leave the house under duress, managing everything herself and probably with a large legal bill. Those are her choices, and sulking won't change it. Stand firm.

This is what ive been trying to do, but she gets abusive as soon as I mention putting house on the market.

PP mentioned POA , I organised this for all 3 of us, i was the only one that registered mine at the bank, GPs etc. Dsis used mums bank card and logged onto banking app as mum.

As other PP suggested maybe working out cost of living almost free for 25 years and free for 10 years versus 3 years of care home fees would be interesting.
Dsis became DMs carer through circumstance really and not through active choice, although more carers and care home were discussed but dsis didnt want it. She clearly loved mum, we all did, but this is really life changing for Dsis and scary.

OP posts:

BibbityBobbityBuggerit · Today 06:25

From your updates it sounds increasingly likely that she will be very resistant to selling the house. Please be aware that if you end up going the legal route to get it sold that fees can rack up very quickly. I know of one case where siblings fell out and by the time the solicitors fees were paid there was nothing much left of the estate. I appreciate you could really use the money now but I don’t think you are going to get it 😞

Mumbles12 · Today 06:35

Sympathies on the loss of you mum OP.
I'm sorry that you are in this position, it's really hard. We are in a position with some similarities but it is BIL who lived at home and he did not need to care for FIL, we had FIL living with us for five hard months. And it was FIL who refused carers. It was damned hard so I do have some sympathy for your sister. But it sounds as if it were her choice to do the care so that she could keep the house. Thankfully BIL has agreed to sell the family home and has bought a small place near us and other BIL with his savings. He could do that outright as living without paying rent, utilities and food for forty years means you can save well if you are someone who wants to do that. We are thankful that he agreed to move- FIL had refused to even contemplate this until he had to live with us and BIL couldn't do the care - as BIL has some medical needs and needs support and is too far away for us to do that effectively if he stayed in the family home. Like you the family home is too big for one person and needs complete renovation. We do have savings but I work an exhausting job with 55hr weeks and want to retire before I'm 68. I want any spare money that has been hard earned to go to help our DC with university and support for a house deposit for them and we can't do that and financially prop up BIL in a house that would fall down around his ears.
So differences in our situation but also similarities so I think I have a reasonable understanding. Some of the replies on this post are harsh, perhaps they are people who haven't had to face this or who are on high incomes and could tolerate better the financial hit? I think you'll be doing the right thing to push the sale.

OneoftheWeddingPeople · Today 06:50

This is becoming more and more common.

Mum could have given her a right of occupation but she chose not to. Or ideally done a letter with the will instructing house to be sold within 6 months.

Sister has had years of subsidised accommodation which is a huge value. Only 10% are in care homes longer then 2 years so that’s advantage overstated.

IzzyGone · Today 07:13

Dutchhouse14 · Today 05:47

This is what ive been trying to do, but she gets abusive as soon as I mention putting house on the market.

PP mentioned POA , I organised this for all 3 of us, i was the only one that registered mine at the bank, GPs etc. Dsis used mums bank card and logged onto banking app as mum.

As other PP suggested maybe working out cost of living almost free for 25 years and free for 10 years versus 3 years of care home fees would be interesting.
Dsis became DMs carer through circumstance really and not through active choice, although more carers and care home were discussed but dsis didnt want it. She clearly loved mum, we all did, but this is really life changing for Dsis and scary.

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is it just you that is executor of the will? Or our other siblings ?

Oioiqueen · Today 07:27

What are the legalities if you are willing to take a smaller share and that you ask for her to buy you out at today's market price? She obviously doesn't want to move out, at this point. If she is that desperate to stay then she has to honour your mums wishes. As you know the house will fall down around her ears but as it'll be her house then that's her responsibility to sort.

Then if your brother wants his share now or later he can speak to his sister himself.

Elsvieta · Today 07:37

Dutchhouse14 · Today 05:47

This is what ive been trying to do, but she gets abusive as soon as I mention putting house on the market.

PP mentioned POA , I organised this for all 3 of us, i was the only one that registered mine at the bank, GPs etc. Dsis used mums bank card and logged onto banking app as mum.

As other PP suggested maybe working out cost of living almost free for 25 years and free for 10 years versus 3 years of care home fees would be interesting.
Dsis became DMs carer through circumstance really and not through active choice, although more carers and care home were discussed but dsis didnt want it. She clearly loved mum, we all did, but this is really life changing for Dsis and scary.

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Perhaps you need to put it in a letter? Signed by you and db? Then she'll at least read all your points rather than cutting you off after the first one to shout at you or whatever. Present it in a tone of "the sale IS going ahead; it's a question of how much more difficult you choose to make it". And stress you will give her a slightly bigger share IF she doesn't stall.

Has the valuer done his thing yet? How long until it's actually for sale?

OneoftheWeddingPeople · Today 08:01

The legalities are you can do what you want with your share but as an executor you are legally obliged to follow the will you can’t unilaterally decide to redistribute shares left to anyone else.