Selling inherited house when sibling living in it

I think that becomes null and void on death, and the will takes over.

Or are you thinking that gave dsis the right to control dm’s money and healthcare, unless it stated all siblings had to be included in any money or health decesions? Ie, was dsis going against the PoA agreement?

I was thinking why one sibling seemed to be able to control the DM’s finances

Good point.

Agrees with this.

It sounds like she did all the caring and had to cut down on her work hours which would have affected her financially and professionally.

And it sounds like she never had the chance to have her own family and leave home.

Now she is facing being kicked out of the only home she has ever known.

OP, you don't seem to have any sympathy for your sister.

The least you can do is give some time to make plans for her future rather than rush to see the house.

Frankly it all sounds very callous and I hope your sister gets advice to contest the will based on the fact that she was the one who out her life on hold to care for your mother and missed on work earnings and opportunities. Maybe then she will get a decent amount and will be able to find a new home for herself.

And it sounds like she never had the chance to have her own family and leave home.

What was stopping her? Sister is mid-50s now. She could have left home any time in the last 35 years.

I agree. For all we know, she may have been sponging of her parents all these years, with her mum paying all the bills, food and living costs, and she may not have contributed anything. Yes, she cared for her mum in the last few years, but that diesn’t account for the previous thirty years.(and maybe she didn’t want to spend her mums money on care homes and carers because she thought she’d get all the money).

Makes no difference at all; POA ends with the person's death and has no bearing on administration of their estate etc.

But she let the valuers in the house, right? She didn't refuse entry. You can't make her like it, but it sounds like she does actually understand that the sale is going ahead.

YANBU. She can't afford to maintain the place on her income; she'll obviously have bigger bills on the house than she would have on a smaller place. Who's she going to be calling on for help when she can't afford repairs on the house? And that's before we even get onto old age. Suppose she needs to fund care later on, and she's still in the house? Massive potential mess.

Downsizing is the best thing for her as well as for you and db. If she can have a little place of her own, owned outright, before retirement, that's a good result - better than either renting or struggling on in a house she can't keep up. But property prices are unlikely to go down and the mortgage thing will get harder for her with every passing year. If it's going to be possible for her to get that flat, she should start looking soon. She needs a sustainable, realistic plan for her future - "I stay here in a house that's too big and pretend two other people don't own it" isn't it.

She's got very used to being looked after. If you let her, she'll try to get you and / or db to step into the "parent" role. Don't. For her good as well as yours. "I've always sponged off someone else and so I should be allowed to carry on doing so" isn't an argument. Time for her to grow up.

If db is happy to let her have 40% and so are you, seeing as she's buying alone and later in life and is less well off than you, that would be generous. And handy for a bit of leverage, perhaps - say you will sign over the extra money IF she co-operates with the sale and doesn't make this difficult. Anything else you could throw in? Help with moving costs? And lots of help with clearing the house, packing etc. Try to get her excited about it - her own home, where she can pick all the decor and everything and have it all just as she wants it, for the first time ever. Peace, independence, privacy. (There's a lot of middle aged women salivating at the thought...). Offer to help her paint or whatever. Be positive, helpful, jolly about it all. But make it clear that sticking her head in the sand is not an option. She has to face up to things and make a plan for living the life she actually has, on the money she actually has. Get db on board. United front. You're both going to support her in moving forward; you're not going to support her in sitting still. Then you're going to buy her a nice housewarming meal, with gifts that will look great in her new home. It's not a tragedy, it's a new chapter. In a year or two she'll realize she's actually better off in her cosy flat with its smaller bills. Don't apologize for not pandering to her and babying her. Make it clear she will get a lot of love and support from you and db, but only if she acts rationally. She can leave the house and find a nice new place with lots of support, or she can leave the house under duress, managing everything herself and probably with a large legal bill. Those are her choices, and sulking won't change it. Stand firm.

Sounds like she put her life on hold well before she became a carer

I was thinking about how the sister seemed to be in charge of finances whilst DM was alive and wondered if she was doing that legally

There is a choice.

She can relinquish the executorship (though maybe not once she has started actually).

They can vary the will leaving everything to sit-in sister.

I'm not suggesting they do, but they can.

If your sister won't move out, then you may have to go the legal route with a lawyer to get a court order to move her out.
But why not give her some concrete options as if she's always lived at home she'll have no idea what to do. Show her some estate agents leaflets of one bed flats, go through the finances with what the deposit will be, how much the mortgage will be based on her income.
You could also look at the possibility of a shared ownership flat with a housing association in your area.

Relatives of mine had similar, and the court awarded the resident sibling 60% of the estate.

Exactly. It's her home, and has been her home her whole life. Presumably, she is frightened and overwhelmed at the thought of moving out, and frankly not mentally or emotionally able to.

Posters calling her a scrounger for living in this house she has always lived in... I hope she presents OP with a bill for the years of caring.

And then OP can present her with a bill for the decades of rent she owed to her mother and now the estate.

And I'm sure that would all be very helpful and constructive.

Unfortunately in this situation OP has legal obligations to all three siblings. It is a difficult situation to be sure and one that should be handled with compassion, but ultimately sister needs to understand that.

If your mum had gone in a care home there wouldn’t be any inheritance. Whatever your sister’s reasons she cared for your mum for five years. It would be kind to give her half.

And the thirty years of rent?

I think it's clear from all the advice that as executor it is best you get it sold as soon as possible and split the cost as intended by your mother; at that point you can decide with your brother whether to gift your sister any part of your share. At her age I think social housing would be better - with a nest egg of her own invested into a private pension fund for later life - and a long overdue post-caring holiday.

Going down the road of ending up in legal challenges would drain the funds. It's that simple. My suspicion re your brother is that the minute he is asked for extra help from his share and can't avoid it - he'll suddenly be able to talk.

If, if, if.
If the mum had downsized 30 years ago and the sister had moved out, the inheritance might be in stocks and shares and the smaller place might have been sold.
The mum might have given them all the proceeds of the sale and they might all be secure now.
None of that happened.

Good to hear.

I do hope the resident sibling follows the same route and gets this to court. I bet then the time she spent caring for her mother and the impact on her career will be taken into account.

If the sister had walked away from elder care, the parent would have needed to go into a care home and the house would have been sold to pay for the fees.

Now everyone is circling to get the sister out and the money in. A bit more compassion and fairness would go a long way.

What rent?

What rent?

Sister lived there pretty much rent free, whilst her siblings will have either paid rent/mortgage since leaving home. Sister benefitted massively from still living at home

But no rent was requested by the mother, so there was no rent, so its just not a thing in this situation.

It would be foolish to try and retrospectively claim it was owed as that would result in further legal complications and if this notional rent was settled a pretty large tax bill on the estate.

Caring for the mum in a nursing home would have cost 5K per month. The sister who resided in the family home saved the siblings a lot of money.