Family Christmas and spending different amounts on children

It is light hearted. As I said to someone on MN who said my suggestion of a holiday for her was her idea of hell :- It is a good thing we are all different!

Ah... the true spirit of Christmas is not evident here, is it?

These kinds of scenarios make me glad that I earn a very average-low wage, live in a lovely, cosy home, have young adult children I do not spoil and relatives who wishes I respect.
Oh, and the ability to figure out that the solution to this question is extraordinarily simple! Open them later...

I winked. It was light hearted. Don't let the stress of Christmas get to you already x

Agree. It might be irrelevant but conversation is allowed to go off on a tangent and anyway, I don't think anyone is seriously questioning this, it's reading as light hearted observation to me.

Just an observation! I wasn’t the only one.

Ask everyone to come to yours on Boxing Day and then stay the night (how far do they live?). 24th-28th Dec with that many people is a long time!

Not holding back on gifts and enough room for a football team plus spares... stealth boast?? 😉.

Anyway, I don't see how opening presents before they come helps, will they not then be discussing what they got? Or will the presents have to be hidden until the New Year? Weird.

I mean, if your sister is holding back on £150 perfume and her nephews is getting the new £2k minimum iPhone, there is going to be a huge discrepancy. Sounds pretty unpleasant for your sister’s kids.

Exactly this. She's really unreasonable. It's actually cheeky af.

I think the ultimatum should be, come after present opening or like it or lump it. It’s not really any of her business what your kids get for Christmas.

Unless you have 10 plus bedrooms (maybe you do), it sounds awful for a few days.

Surely either you do the group Christmas after Christmas. Or you do children's main presents in advance and make Christmas day about enjoyinh time together?

I would absolutely be prepared to change a routine slightly to he sensitive for others.

Not much fun for anyone watching kids spend hours opening gifts when there is a disparity ? I can see.how that won't be ideal for anyone

We did ours before going around and did two presents at inlaws per person

No way would want any teen to feel crap so it was the easiest way.

This is what I was wondering too.

Or, give everyone a token gift publicly and suprise your own dc with their real gifts before or after everyone else leave.

Given your brothers update, and the fact that DSIS can easily afford to match your spending, I would still have DB and family over Christmas Day, but tell DSIS to visit for a few days afterwards.

That way she doesn’t feel awkward and you and DB aren’t being bullied into doing her bidding

Interesting range of responses @SheKnowsBall

I really wouldn’t (personally) want to tweak my usual Christmas plans so much that I either did Secret Santa (shudder) and just one gift each for my DC, or opened most of their gifts elsewhere or later. Why should they?

We also open gifts for much of Chr morning around the tree. My DC are all adults and we don’t get many from relatives any more (which is fine) but I usually buy them half a dozen items and they buy us and each other gifts too. I also didn't realise there was an age limit to this!

I think that if sister’s DC cannot see that people are gifted different things they need to have a word. My own DC get different amounts spent. One year I got DS2 an Xbox; DD’s main present was probably books while DS1 got an £80 adult LEGO set. They were all fine. No one is sitting adding up surely?

After all, if it’s OK for you to scale yours back, would it be OK for you to suggest to sister that she should spend more? No of course not. You have offered for her to come later and she doesn’t want to – fair enough.

To those saying they sympathise – I don't think there is any suggestion (is there?) that sister's DCs' gifts will be rubbish, like some crap toiletries? Just not as much ££ as the OP. What kind of budget are we talking?

(I also agree btw that you are a major hero to host nine extra people for four nights. No way would I do that. But I hope it goes well.

We were talking about - whilst the gifts are being given out. Just in that time period.

You've never seen anyone on a phone during a family christmas?
Not quickly texting a friend Merry Christmas, or ringing an elderly relative, or using it to check the time, or take a cute photo of the kids, or message whoever to check when they are arriving, or look up what batteries are needed for which toy, or when the Christmas swim/evening film starts, or the results of the football, or whatever?

Okay.

Surely you can see that it's not going to create a happy, harmonious Christmas for the cousins if your kids are opening the exact things her kids want, but can't have?

Different families have different approaches to Christmas, regardless of income, and it sounds like you and your DSis family are not that compatible. Just like if you liked to spend a lot of Christmas Day at church and she wanted to spend it in the pub. You shouldn't have to moderate to make everyone happy but equally, she shouldn't have to bust her budget to keep up with you, knowing that if she doesn't her kids will feed sad.

I suggest that you arrange Christmas differently. Maybe they could spend the first night in a hotel or you could all agree to open presents on a different day.