Family Christmas and spending different amounts on children

I love spoiling my young adult kids at Christmas. No way would I be buying them less. We could do present-giving at a different time and I would be happy to compromise with that.

I don’t think you should adjust your spending but in the spirit of being a good host I’d probably be mindful that it could be potentially really dull for everyone else watching your kids open loads of stuff.
I’ve been there once when we stayed at BIL2’s house and between them BIL, SIL and DN must’ve had about 200 presents to open. Our kids were older and two of them had asked for large items that year so agreed we’d just bring stockings and a few smaller presents and they had the rest when we got home. It was mind numbingly boring nodding, smiling and oohing as they opened each thing.

Ops boundary is treating her children to lots of gifts as is her right and not letting her sister trample all over that.

I would certainly call it a boundary that a family member doesn't get to decide what OP should buy for her own children at Christmas. And it's a reasonably one. Not OP's problem that the sister prioritises her money differently. She can unwrap presents with her children elsewhere than with OP. The sister is being ridiculous.

If your mum is the only grandparent coming, is there any need to open presents together (I'd get if a whole lot of grandparents were coming to see little kids opening them)? And she could still choose to be with the youngest ones if she wants to?
Doing present opening separately avoids any issues. Or would this not be possible due to travelling distances? And the kids will probably talk about what they got anyway!

Only on MN would people actually agree that your kids should have to accept shit like getting half their presents on NYE or whatever, getting ONE secret Santa present (wtf?!) or any other crap suggestions rather than just going "lol, no!" to your sister!

I would have done as you have and said you wouldn't be changing anything and if they are concerned about it, maybe everyone should just come on Boxing Day or something instead.

We see my family on BD and somehow it still manages to be a "family Christmas" - people get so hung up on if you don't see someone on the day it doesn't "count" which is ridiculous

This really is not what is meant by ‘boundaries’

It seems a real pity to cancel a family Christmas - that I agree sounds wonderful, OP! - rather than compromise slightly by agreeing to give your children some of their presents privately. They are absolutely old enough to understand the reasoning behind this and not to mind. It seems like such an obvious solution, and such a small ask, OP.

I agree that they should come later in the day if this will be an issue to them.

For some families Christmas is the time that gifts are given and more money is spent on family, in other families maybe they do less at Christmas but help out or buy things other times of the year. Neither is wrong in how they do things but no one should be dictating how others do things especially in their own home.

Why should op do things differently to how she usually does them? Boundaries are a thing and op enjoys treating her children.

Why are so many pp saying the op should bend over backwards to appease her sister? Sister can ask, op can refuse. Don't like how we do things don't come. No need for any fallouts we all have different ways to do things.
I also wouldn't have told anybody the size of your house op they're just being nosey judgement hard of understanding twats who can't comprehend that people do things in different ways.

This.

Put most of the presents in their stockings. They can open them first thing in the morning in your bedroom away from everyone else. Then just a token present or two under the tree for later.

Personally, if I'm old enough to stay home alone then I'm not going to travel to be squashed in someone else's house for days.

Appreciate others may feel differently, no offence intended.

At these ages it all seems a pointless conversation.
Im surprised the teenagers are even willing to come, no way I would have bothered at 17!

This is why I stopped going up to my Mums for Xmas with my daughter. My sister went totally overboard with presents for my nephew, I as a single parent couldn't afford to. It was total overindulgance

I would say it's not always the price but how many each especially when younger but at that age I don't see how she can have a say on what you do

When young/young teenagers maybe but these are not. I of them is an adult and 2 are nearly adults. Maybe they are different!

You've never been close to your cousins and top/tailed, or had a sleeping bag on the floor? Even better if you can take snacks up there and watch what you want, or some are older and you have a sneaky drink together? It'll be a laugh for the kids.

@SheKnowsBall I hate when people can afford reasonable things, like perfume, but won't buy it. Christmas is about being spoiling or rather treating your children to gifts. It would be lovely for the cousins to get the same gift, that they both want. It's best they come later, or boxing day. I have lovely memories of boxing day in my aunts, with my cousins and the running buffet. Don't give in.

I guess it depends on the tone of how the word awful was meant. Which we don't know as it is written, not spoken. Depends on how the reader chooses to interpret it. Personally, I haven't had that many in a house since my youth, and there was some creative sleeping places (i.e. the bath). I perhaps would jokingly describe that as awful, even though it was good fun.

I am still curious (and it isn't necessarily for you to answer, but those who have suggested it) - what happens if they arrive after the presents are opened? Will you hide them? Are your children forbidden from discussing/using their gifts until the others have gone?

I agree with her. Disparity on Christmas morning is awful.

This is one of the many reasons I insist it is always just our small family by ourselves for the first few hours.

Since you are getting together, I would shift some of your gifts to another time within the season. Maybe the morning of the 24th or New Year’s Eve.

An odd thing to pick up on, we have often had 20 to stay, not a massive house but we make it work well. We do have a garden room though and 2 couples stay in rooms above our pub so not a big issue.