Family Christmas and spending different amounts on children

so your sister is the golden child / favourite? Does you mom always coddle her when he’s being unreasonable? Sounds like you may have had a good escape with them not coming for actual Xmas now 😂 I love treating my children and buy things all year round that they might like for Xmas and then there’s still the big present and the stockings even though they are older:) They love what I do for Xmas and I love watching them enjoying it and they aren’t spoilt brats they appreciate everything I do for them and buy for them etc so it doesn’t always follow that a lot of presents = spoilt children. They work hard all year and if I want to spend a lot of my money treating them then that’s my choice

Depends on the situation, if you’re spending a huge amount and others can’t I don’t think it’s great. Having family over and making memories would be a priority to me, and as I wouldn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable. It would be something I’d be happy to compromise on.

Actually, does your mother always bend to your sister's will? Because it's weird that she would go back on her agreement with you because your sister is having an adult tantrum.

The fact that your plans have had to change so significantly is ridiculous. Your sister doesn’t even need to spend more, just not be awkward. Her kids are old enough to know some get more than others.

At least you’ll have a more peaceful Christmas 🤣

So the real issue is that your DSIS is a difficult person and you and your brother don't want to have to accommodate her whims?

I think it's a good idea to shelve having Christmas together. I think large family Christmases require everyone to be easygoing and tolerant.

Good for you. Enjoy Christmas. Your sister and your mother made their choice, too, hopefully they'll be happy with that.

That's not op's fault, it is the sister who wants to force unreasonable rules over everyone's gift giving.

Admittedly, haven't read the full thread yet so you might have changed your mind but I think your decision is really sad. The family 'children' are so lucky to have so many of them close in age and to be able to spend several days together over Christmas. If you asked them I can't imagine they would choose £100s of presents and no/less cousin time over a more than reasonable £150 of presents and all the planned cousin time.

I was (well, still am!) one of 11 cousins mostly born within 6 years of each other and all the others lived close enough to have Christmas Day together. My family didn't and we used to travel down from 28th-1st instead. I would have given up every single present I got if it meant we could have had a massive family Christmas.

Good solution, OP. It’s a shame about sis but it hits home the message that she can’t control what others do.

Refreshing to see an OP stand her ground, both on this thread and in real life.

What I spend on my DC at Christmas is determined by me and their dad. No one else.

It's all a bit silly as you often can't tell how much someone has spent just by looking. I bought dd's main back in the summer fir a lot less than you can get it for normally. Anyone looking would think it was far more expensive than it was. Just do what you'd normally do and let them get on with it.

We have people stay and we have a general agreement for the younger kids - so we agree what Santa does and doesn’t bring, DH’s granny does tbt stockings for everyone (not personally now as she’s 103, but it’s her thing), and when/how we open them.

If you’re going to have overnight guests and do Christmas morning together you do need to iron out how you’re going to do things. Up to you if that’s a discussion or a “this is what we’re doing, you’re welcome to join or not”.

we had a near disaster our first year hosting when it turned out 8 of 26 did presents after lunch whereas the kids of the rest were expecting early morning presents! From then on we pre-discuss everything

I was addressing multiple posts, maybe not yours, sorry.

PPs saying things like No one wants to sit through spoilt Jimmy opening 33 presents from his doting mama and papa and little Freddie receives his sixth pair of Airpods.

I was trying to make the point that actually, the OP has not said how much she spends (apart from it's more than £150 per head) and based on the kinds of ££ items mentioned, it won't necessarily equate to 33 presents or six pairs of Airpods, so the built-in boredom for the cousins may not be an issue. I don't infer, basically, the the OP Is talking about massive numbers of gifts, as much as that some will be more costly than her sister is prepared to spend.

ETA and as I already said, I had no idea there was an age-limit to gift opening. There isn't one in my house. I am more than happy to spend a chunk of Christmas morning opening gifts and watching others open.

It was in reply to this though,
Surely everyone is too old to sit around opening piles of gifts for ages anyway?

I mean I could say that about my Christmas morning. But no one opens endless piles of gifts. My DC have about 5 or 6 things from me – usually one biggish thing like new trainers or tech of some kind, plus some other smaller gifts – then maybe 2 or 3 other gifts from others to open. No one is sitting round while anyone opens great stacks of gifts.

And £150 which is the sister's spend will surely add up to a few gifts. Tbh if there are 14 people there opening gifts, it's going to take a while unless everyone opens at once or people only receive like one gift. That's fine tho IMHO if people like it. And if they don't I am sure the OP won't mind them going elsewhere to watch TV.

We do spend a while opening gifts in the morning and enjoy it.
I based my comment on this tbf

Why don’t you agree a spend and give some presents to your DC later? They are not young and it would make no difference, but just being respectful of your guests.

Many people very reasonably choose not to spend the absolute max they can afford on Christmas presents. Maybe they think Christmas is about something else. Maybe they're not materialistic. Maybe they have other financial priorities.

It's obviously not realistic for one sister to tell another than she can't spend what she wants on Christmas presents, but equally, it's sad that the OP thinks the sister's kids being upset on Christmas Day doesn't matter. Also sad that she'd rather cancel family than give presents another time. My kids would rather see their cousins on Christmas Day than have any number of presents.

I note that a number of people have commented that it will be dull for everyone to sit round while the OP's DC open piles of presents – but tbf @SheKnowsBall doesn't say that will be the case. Chances are with teens and young adults, the gifts will be ££ but not so many. Certainly the items mentioned – iPhone, PS5, new trainers, expensive fragrance – will not see the DC having vast numbers of gifts.

And at the same time, the OP's sister has a budget of £150 which would run to at least one good gift (new trainers, earbuds, nice clothes) plus a few extra items – so it's not as tho they will be sitting there sadly with a toiletry set and a pair of pjs.

Honestly I am staggered that so many PPs think the OP should amend when she gives gifts to her DC so they have them on 24 Dec or 30 Dec or something – or that she should change her plans. She is hosting for nine extra people and while that prospect may delight her, it's still easier to be the guest and as such you may have to accommodate. The sister can either come later in the day, or she can up her budget if parity of spend matter so much, or (what I would do in this situation) she could take the time beforehand to explain to her two teenagers that their cousins may get some more ££ gifts, but that she pays her DCs driving lessons/dance show/sports masterclasses/maths tutor throughout the year which they as a family think is a better way to spend the budget.

Tbh I cannot imagine the teens will give two hoots. They are not deprived with a £150 spend are they.

Just because you say it’s lighthearted it doesn’t mean it is. It was a very rude comment to make.

It didn’t feel lighthearted. And it was a completely unnecessary comment. Somebody is asking about present-giving on Christmas Day and you say how awful their Xmas sounds. I stand by the fact it’s mean-spirited and typical of some people on this board. You are free to say what you want of course, and I am fine to roll my eyes at the silly dig.

It was lighthearted. Read my next comment.

What is the point of this kind of mean-spirited and irrelevant comment? Why did you feel the need to comment like this?

Can you put more in their stockings? I quite often put big (price) things into the stocking rather than under the tree, takes the pressure off.

Other than that, I wouldn't give it much thought and would probably just say that you've already done most of your shopping (if you want to avoid a debate) or just say no.