AIBU to think my friend is being weird about a book she says I borrowed

If you want to continue the friendship, buy the book online and have it delivered to her so she knows you’ve not had it sitting at home all these years!
tell her you bought a replacement for her missing book as it was obviously so important to her so you bought it as a good friend.

The risk of lending and sharing is that things may not get returned, or returned in a state that you consider acceptable. That is life. It's also possible for people to completely misremember these things.

I don't think she is nuts for remembering the pain of a book lost, but I think she's unreasonable to bring it up all these years later with such a strong response. Especially as it's not clear that you did actually borrow it!

I was at a cafe after baby swimming and another mum had forgotten to bring a bib for her baby. I lent her my spare one and her baby duly spattered his lunch on it so she said she'd take it home, wash it and return it to me.

She never did! I reminded her three or four times then forced myself to stop asking because objectively the bib cost about £1 so it wasn't worth making a fuss over. But it's been LITERALLY TWENTY YEARS - our babies are at university - and it still irks me slightly every time I see her. My inner voice grumbles 'you never did return that bloody bib'.

If I had read a book and passed it on, I wouldn’t expect it back! Unless I’d said- please can I have it back as I liked this one a lot.
how odd to still be annoyed about it 10 years later!

If she wanted it back, why didn’t she ask for it?

It’s fairly common for people to borrow things and forget to give them back. Life happens. If it’s important, you ask them. If it’s not that important, you let it go.

If it’s a valued friendship, and it’s not a hugely rare or expensive book, suggest you buy her a new copy. There’s nothing more you can do at this stage.

You're not being unreasonable and neither is she; our memories tend to be very inaccurate records of what actually happened in the past. If I were you I'd get her a copy of the book and maybe a new one as a gift to go with it.

Just buy her a secondhand copy of the book. Vinted is so cheap for these. Life’s too short.

Just buy her a copy or give her a tenner (or however much it's worth). This is such a weird reaction to losing a book 10 years ago.

This. Surely if after a certain amount of time it hasn’t been returned you just presume they’ve forgotten about it and ask for it back? It’s not like the majority of people are going to have stolen it. Why harbour a grudge for years rather than just asking for it an appropriate amount of time after you loaned it to them?

I’d buy her a copy of it and bundle it together with a self help book tbh. Then give her a wide berth.

What is the book?

What book is it? Not relevant I know just curious.
Have you had a look for it? Maybe it’s tucked away on a shelf some where. See if you can buy a copy to replace it.

Does she have other stressful things going on in her life and is perhaps focusing on this for whatever reason? Sounds like an overreaction from her about a situation which would typically be seen as a minor irritation.

People who get annoyed that things aren't given back - why don't you just ask for them?

If you did borrow the book, it's rude not to return it. Your friend obviously believes you borrowed it. Get a copy from Awesome or World and give it to her. Otherwise I can see your friendship deteriorating.

I agree it’s a bit odd if your friend to have harboured a grudge and not mentioned it til now, so many years later. Buuut, she has now mentioned it, so I presume she valued the friendship and was trying to get it off her chest.

i appreciate you don’t recall buying it, but if you value the friendship it might be worth buying a good condition second hand copy (second hand older books are usually very cheap- try world of books or abe books).

then when you hand it to her, say you have no recollection but you’re sorry it’s been bothering her for so long, and maybe next time something you’ve done is bothering her to give you a heads up nearer the time rather than waiting so long.

I hope you can both put this behind you x

This has just made me remember that I once leant my copy of The Outsiders on video to a girl I knew from college and she never gave it back! It's ridiculous, but I'm still annoyed about it. I bought that for £20 back in the early 1990s when I was earning a very small amount as a trainee hairdresser - so it was a small fortune to me back then!
I'd never bring it up, but I do get where your friend is coming from!
However, if you can't remember borrowing it, it's possible that you didn't!

I agree it’s weird - why hasn’t she said something before now, she’s had plenty of time! You could see if there’s a cheap one on vinted or something to keep peace but I think she’s being a bit weird about it.

See if you can find a copy of the book and give it to her, she clearly has a bee in her bonnet about it.