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AIBU?

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AIBU to think my friend is being weird about a book she says I borrowed

14 replies

Pettyargument · Today 05:46

A few weeks ago I caught up with my friend ‘Ruth’ we’ve known each other for more than 30 years. We were talking about books and she said I’ll never lend you a book again as years ago you borrowed a book from me and you never gave it back (as in more than 10 years ago). She said she couldn’t remember the name of the book but it still annoyed her and she’s never forgotten about it. Obviously as she couldn’t remember the name of the book I had no recollection of this but it could well have been possible so I said if it is true then I’m sorry. She just said well it’s definitely true.

So today she messages me and says she’s remembers the name of the book and if I have it can I give it back. It doesn’t look remotely familiar or like the kind of book I’d want to read. I replied and said sorry it doesn’t look at all familiar and I’ve definitely never read it. She’s just replied and said well you definitely took it but oh well. I’ve not relied because what is there to say to that?

I know it’s not a major in the scheme of things and as my name says it’s a petty argument but

Am I not being unreasonable to think it’s just a bit weird and overly intense for a book potentially borrowed years and years ago?

or

I am being unreasonable and it’s understandable she’s annoyed and I should maybe apologise properly or even offer to replace the book. I mean as I said to her initially it’s not outside of the realms of possibility that I borrowed a book and didn’t give it back.

OP posts:
HexInductionHour · Today 05:50

See if you can find a copy of the book and give it to her, she clearly has a bee in her bonnet about it.

Fallon79 · Today 05:54

I agree it’s weird - why hasn’t she said something before now, she’s had plenty of time! You could see if there’s a cheap one on vinted or something to keep peace but I think she’s being a bit weird about it.

DriveMeCrazy1974 · Today 05:58

This has just made me remember that I once leant my copy of The Outsiders on video to a girl I knew from college and she never gave it back! It's ridiculous, but I'm still annoyed about it. I bought that for £20 back in the early 1990s when I was earning a very small amount as a trainee hairdresser - so it was a small fortune to me back then!
I'd never bring it up, but I do get where your friend is coming from!
However, if you can't remember borrowing it, it's possible that you didn't!

IdLikeToBelieveItsTrue · Today 06:09

I agree it’s a bit odd if your friend to have harboured a grudge and not mentioned it til now, so many years later. Buuut, she has now mentioned it, so I presume she valued the friendship and was trying to get it off her chest.

i appreciate you don’t recall buying it, but if you value the friendship it might be worth buying a good condition second hand copy (second hand older books are usually very cheap- try world of books or abe books).

then when you hand it to her, say you have no recollection but you’re sorry it’s been bothering her for so long, and maybe next time something you’ve done is bothering her to give you a heads up nearer the time rather than waiting so long.

I hope you can both put this behind you x

Pettyargument · Today 06:10

DriveMeCrazy1974 · Today 05:58

This has just made me remember that I once leant my copy of The Outsiders on video to a girl I knew from college and she never gave it back! It's ridiculous, but I'm still annoyed about it. I bought that for £20 back in the early 1990s when I was earning a very small amount as a trainee hairdresser - so it was a small fortune to me back then!
I'd never bring it up, but I do get where your friend is coming from!
However, if you can't remember borrowing it, it's possible that you didn't!

So true, it is annoying and we’ve probably all got a similar story, but would we bring it up years later?

OP posts:
JustGoogleIt15 · Today 06:17

If you did borrow the book, it's rude not to return it. Your friend obviously believes you borrowed it. Get a copy from Awesome or World and give it to her. Otherwise I can see your friendship deteriorating.

Pettyargument · Today 06:20

JustGoogleIt15 · Today 06:17

If you did borrow the book, it's rude not to return it. Your friend obviously believes you borrowed it. Get a copy from Awesome or World and give it to her. Otherwise I can see your friendship deteriorating.

Yes I can do that I guess, she seems adamant I borrowed it, I don’t remember it at all. I’d have to take her word for it.

OP posts:
Somnambule · Today 06:21

People who get annoyed that things aren't given back - why don't you just ask for them?

worldsgonemadnow · Today 06:25

Does she have other stressful things going on in her life and is perhaps focusing on this for whatever reason? Sounds like an overreaction from her about a situation which would typically be seen as a minor irritation.

Mymanyellow · Today 06:27

What book is it? Not relevant I know just curious.
Have you had a look for it? Maybe it’s tucked away on a shelf some where. See if you can buy a copy to replace it.

Pettyargument · Today 06:28

worldsgonemadnow · Today 06:25

Does she have other stressful things going on in her life and is perhaps focusing on this for whatever reason? Sounds like an overreaction from her about a situation which would typically be seen as a minor irritation.

Good point, yes she does have quite a stressful life.

OP posts:
Shedmistress · Today 06:29

What is the book?

SunshineSpice · Today 06:34

I’d buy her a copy of it and bundle it together with a self help book tbh. Then give her a wide berth.

BibbityBoppityTwo · Today 06:35

Somnambule · Today 06:21

People who get annoyed that things aren't given back - why don't you just ask for them?

This. Surely if after a certain amount of time it hasn’t been returned you just presume they’ve forgotten about it and ask for it back? It’s not like the majority of people are going to have stolen it. Why harbour a grudge for years rather than just asking for it an appropriate amount of time after you loaned it to them?

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