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Original poster

Are we being unreasonable not to buy my sister's stepdaughter a car and insurance

187 replies

SheLovesThat · Yesterday 18:20

My sister has 2 sons who have both passed their driving test in the last few years. My mum bought them both a car each and I paid for their first year of insurance.

My sister also has a step daughter who has just passed her test. My mum and I both sent a congratulations card with £100 in but my sister was surprised that we are not doing the same for her step daughter as we have with her sons and is now giving us the silent treatment.

The girl has been my sisters step daughter since she was 7and is now 18. She lives with her mum half of the time so we don’t see as much of her. My sister said we should treat her the same.

My mum spent about £12000 each on the cars. The insurance has cost me about £2000 each so not small amounts of money and I’m shocked my sister would expect the same for her step daughter.

Are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · Yesterday 18:41

Is there a reason you both chose £100 instead of a larger amount? I understand she has other family and you see her less but after 11 years I.would have thought she meant a but more than 1/20th of your nephews?

cupfinalchaos · Yesterday 18:40

No it’s not for you or your mum to buy the stepdaughter a car.

Original poster
SheLovesThat · Yesterday 18:37

SixAndJuliet · Yesterday 18:30

Are you significantly better off than them? Can she not afford it herself?

I guess you are not being unreasonable but it’s a bit sad for the girl if she’s not going to be able to have the same advantages her step brothers have had. It’s life I suppose.

If I was your sister, then I’d do my best to get her on the road and it might mean one of the boys missing out on something to level the playing field.

Mu nephews are 22 and 21 and both work full time now so my sister doesn’t pay for them.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · Yesterday 18:37

Why can't her dad buy her a car? Or his relatives?

You guys have spent thousands on your nephews and now she wants more for her husband's kid.

Tell her the Free Car Bank is closed. I think that's a crazy ask and she and her husband have gotten entitled to you paying the big bucks for your nephews.

Original poster
SheLovesThat · Yesterday 18:34

cucumber4745 · Yesterday 18:24

I think your sister is right that the children should be treated the same. 11 years as a step daughter is most of that child’s life. Can the cost perhaps be shared with her bio mother/father rather than absorbed by you and your mother?

Her dad and my sister have low paid jobs, Her mum has a good job but I’m presuming she isn’t buying her a car as my sister wouldn’t be thinking we should.

OP posts:
Original poster
SheLovesThat · Yesterday 18:31

rubyslippers · Yesterday 18:23

Why are you doing it for the nephews?! Are you all very well off
anwyay yes, I’d be really surprised that all the children aren’t treated the same (in big and small ways)
how must the SD feel?
step families : blended families are full of pitfalls such as this where expectations are not matched

Because they’re my mums GC and my nephews. My sister wasn’t able to afford it, but we were and she was happy for us to do it for her children.

OP posts:
SixAndJuliet · Yesterday 18:30

Are you significantly better off than them? Can she not afford it herself?

I guess you are not being unreasonable but it’s a bit sad for the girl if she’s not going to be able to have the same advantages her step brothers have had. It’s life I suppose.

If I was your sister, then I’d do my best to get her on the road and it might mean one of the boys missing out on something to level the playing field.

converseandjeans · Yesterday 18:25

Can she & her partner not pay for her car & insurance?

CatherinedeBourgh · Yesterday 18:25

SD will feel just fine unless her parents/step parents make a fuss.

cucumber4745 · Yesterday 18:24

I think your sister is right that the children should be treated the same. 11 years as a step daughter is most of that child’s life. Can the cost perhaps be shared with her bio mother/father rather than absorbed by you and your mother?

CatherinedeBourgh · Yesterday 18:24

No, you are not being unreasonable. They may be the same to her, but not to you. I am a step daughter btw, the attitude on here that we should be treated the same does my head in. She has two parents and at least one step parent, they can sort her out between them!

rubyslippers · Yesterday 18:23

Why are you doing it for the nephews?! Are you all very well off
anwyay yes, I’d be really surprised that all the children aren’t treated the same (in big and small ways)
how must the SD feel?
step families : blended families are full of pitfalls such as this where expectations are not matched