Are we being unreasonable not to buy my sister's stepdaughter a car and insurance

Maybe the girls parents or grandparents could have been prepared for this and started saving?

Honestly, people lose thier minds when the word 'step' is used.

No. The stepdaughter might be the same to your sister but she isn't to you or your mother.

If you get divorced and remarry, these are the kind of issues that arise in blended families and it's for the parents and biological grandparents to sort out.

The stepdaughter in reality is nothing to you. If your sister and her husband got divorced, it's likely none of you would ever see her again.

Blood relatives matter in these situations but random step acquisitions just don't.

Does your sister expect your mother to leave her money in her will as well? It's just delusional.

I’ve seen a family the other side of this - grandparents bought car for their Grand daughter.

The grand daughter was part of a blended family …she drove to her Dads very excited …till her step brother also 17 demanded a car for fairness. Her Dad phoned her Mum and said it was unfair to spoil her and unfair to her step brothers and made HIS life difficult.

Sometimes you can’t be equal in all ways.

You care for this young lady but she is a step, why are your side of the family expected to provide when in theory she has a whole other side of family and 2 parents.

Presume she has maternal grandparents who treat her but don't treat your nephews. Does her mother treat your nephews? Probably not.
The sense of entitlement ftom some is astonishing. It was a lovely gesture from you both to give her £100 each.

Their mother’s family bought them cars. Her mother’s family can buy her a car.

Stepchildren have two families. They don’t have to be treated exactly the same by all the extended family on both sides. It’s one thing to make sure they are always included in family photos and parties. It’s quite another to assume that someone they aren’t related to will buy them a car.

I thought that. It's totally unnecessary and all too much for your first car (no matter how much money you have).
X

You are not unreasonable. She has her own family perhaps her “gran on her fathers side or her father or mother ” should buy her a car. Does her mother contribute in some way financially to your children? So why does she expect you/your mother to contribute to yours. Is your sister always such a free loader. This whole situation sounds strange tbh

You have to admit there's a huge difference between £2000 and £100. I can understand why you wouldn't want to treat them the same, but such a huge difference, without any warning, is bleak. You really should have prepared for this.

Lol. What a load of cak. The sister chose to get with a guy who already had a child and blend families. If we are going to reduce the situation completely it's all her fault then for making this choice. The OP has two nephews. She is very generous to them. She has no responsibilty or obligation to the step child. Did the sister go to the OP when she decided to blend families and ask her to take on this child as her own niece and treat her the same? Doubt it. Even if she did she still has no obligation.

This is true. You and your mum started this only 3-4 years ago knowing that SD would be missing out. £14k value to each of them, £100 to her. Ok she’s not blood but that’s putting her right in her place.

So your sister saved on buying 2 cars and 2 lots of insurance? If it meant that much to her she could have put whatever contribution she was planning towards them in savings for her stepdaughter. Between the stepmum, dad, mum, and grandparents they should be able to raise a few grand to help her out. It’s just entitlement that they are turning to you.

I think it’s rather mean to not treat her the same as the boys. She has been part of the family for a long time and was part of the family when the boys were gifted their cars.

I don't think your sister was reasonable to simply assume that your Mum would buy a car for the SD. But anyone looking at the situation could have seen the issue coming a mile off, so I do think your Mum should have had a discussion with your sister about the issue before buying the first car. It may be that your sister would have preferred your Mum not to buy any cars at all rather than spending money in a way that would inevitably result in unequal treatment of the three children.

But she has her own family - her mother, father, step mother, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. If the step aunt treated her the same then she’d have far more than her step siblings - unless her family treat all kids exactly the same. Where does it stop? £100 is a generous amount for someone they don’t see that often and isn’t related to them.

If your nephews are 22 and 21, your sister's SD was in the picture when they passed their tests. You should have considered this at the time.

I do see why you wouldn't, and it's entitled of your sister to assume, but you created this problem 5 years ago when SD was about 12 and established as a member of your sister's family.

Yanbu. £100 is plenty. Your sister is pissed cause now she will need to step up and was convinced you would pay. The step child has a whole side to a family your nephews don't. This whole treat the kids the same when they aren't the same is bollocks.

You are a very generous aunt. All depends how you feel towards your step niece. If you like her and consider her part of your family then you should consider this. However it does depend on the circumstances. There shouldnt be an expectation by anyone of whether you should or shouldnt do this. If you want to then do so. If not then dont. Dont just say no on the grounds she is a step niece.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. £100 x 2 is a lovely gesture and your sister sounds very entitled.

Is your Mum wealthy? £100 is a paltry amount if you can afford cars/insurance for your DNs. Does she call you aunty and your Mum, Nan?

I think children in a family should be treated the same especially since she’s been part of your family since she was little

While I think all kids in blended families should be treated like they're family. Your sister is a cheeky fucker for her expectations and taking her family for granted. Stepdaughter has a mother and a whole side of the family nephews don't. There has to be a give and take sometimes.

It wouldn’t cross my mind to buy her a car or pay for her insurance.
YADNBU

They got 12k cars just after passing thier tests? Wow!

It's ridiculous how people go on about treating the kids the same. They can never be the same as the step kids have essentially have one extra parent. This would only be equal if the girl's mum also treated the two sons as if they were hers, which nobody would expect her to.

The girl has two parents and their two families to provide for her. The boys also have two parents and their families to provide for them. She doesn't need an extra family.

All families are different and it's just life that some kids get a car bought for them for their birthday and others have a much less extravagant lifestyle. The step mums family shouldn't have to compensate for the finances of another family.