Are we being unreasonable not to buy my sister's stepdaughter a car and insurance

so in that case the step child’s mother should be buying the step child’s step siblings presents etc too and their family spending the same amount on them as they do on their own family and the step child? To make it only fair

I'm not badly off, but no one in my direct acquaintance had a car bought for them by their parents. I

This. And giving you the silent treatment is next level ingratitude. I would back right off on the money front.

If the situation was altered, what would your sister expect?

Say the SD was the eldest and her mum had bought her a car - would your sister and her partner feel they had to buy cars for their two sons to ensure fairness? Would they ask SD's mum to contribute if they couldn't afford it? I'm guessing not...

It's just the reality that, in step families, there is not going to be the same equal starting point that there is for families without stepchildren.

You have been incredibly generous to your nephews and your sister is very unreasonable.

No, they should be treated equally.

So the SD has a mother, father, SM and grandparents that should look at the situation and make it equal.

Why on earth should the step Aunt and step grandparents be the ones forking out?? That's absolutely nuts.

Children should be treated the same.

Hence why I said ‘in my social circle’. What’s normal is environment dependent.

Besides, that others can’t afford it doesn’t mean that those that can shouldn’t do it.

It's only normal in your privileged bubble.

Do you honestly think that the majority of the population can afford to buy cars for each of their children?

Why, if they don’t have to?

In my social circle I don’t know anyone whose parents didn’t buy them their first car. That is normal. It may not be to you but that’s fine, it doesn’t have to be.

Yes this.
You can imagine the thread from those GPs..."AIBU? My granddaughter's stepmother has wealthy parents. We are glad they treat her well but we are feeling a bit put out as they bought her a car, and we could never afford something so expensive/ we wanted to buy her her first car and feel pushed out.

We like our son's wife and her sons, but they aren't our grandchildren and we don't treat them the same come birthdays/ Christmas. We are suprised our granddaughter is being treated as if she is the step parents' and we know they mean we'll but it does hurt."

Your sister's stepdaughter has her own grandparents she is related to by blood. How come they aren't buying her a car?

Easy for your sister to say "treat her the same", when it's not her money she is spending.

Your sister sounds greedy and entitled.

@SheLovesThat It’s not unusual at all. Babies don’t drive cars, silly.

Then why treat grown adults like small babies?

All of the kids have had part time jobs from 17/18 whilst studying. My oldest child and nephews are now in full time work paying for themselves.

Why did they not buy their own cars like normal people do?

@chirrupybird How do you ever save up enough money to buy a car on a minimum wage part time job as a teenager?

How did I do it? I worked in my job... money accumulated in my bank account... then I bought a car aged 20... how else would I do it?

I agree. We bought both kids cars when they graduated from uni. It gives them a financial leg up, since they don't have a car payment to make every month. And we know that they have safe, reliable transportation.

It's not unusual at all.

Your sister sounds horribly grabby. She’s had incredibly generous support for her sons and is totally unreasonable to expect the same for her SD. Worse still that she is trying to dictate the terms of your DM’s will!

I agree with PP that this is probably also about her assumption for a lump sum for uni, too.

Let her continue her juvenile silent treatment for as long as she wants.

Your brother needs to have a word with your sister.

I hope your DSis doesn’t try pressure her some to change their inheritance.

Do you think this is all coming from your sister, or is she trying to make her DH happy?

I bet if each of you got a third of the inheritance, for the parents to divide amongst their own kids as they see fit, suddenly she wouldn't see her boys the same as the SD and be happy to split the money equally between them.

Anyway, she's amazingly grabby. If my mum/sister bought my oldest DD a car, I'd be extremely grateful. If they then didn't buy one for my youngest DD, I'd still be extremely grateful for the first car and tell my kids to share. I certainly wouldn't be demanding a second car from them and ignoring them if I didn't get it! What a cheek!

Why on earth does anyone get a present for passing their driving test???

Of course you are not being unreasonable. I find it mad that you’ve done that for your nephews but if that’s what you wanted to do then fair enough. It does not mean you and your mother have to buy your sisters SC a car. I mean what?!
mumsnet is the wrong place for this post though. Everyone goes crazy at the thought of a SC being left out. I personally don’t even think your sister should have to buy SC a car if she bought her own children one (with her own savings or something for example). You are not her parent. She already has 2. And your sister if she wants to consider her equal to her own children. Let them sort out buying her a car. Obviously it’s sad for the girl but nothing to do with you!

Your sister is delulu.

She thinks silent treatment will get her what she wants.

Does she even think about the step-son she no longer sees I wonder.