Aibu husband lending money without telling me

OP, you should look into food banks in your area. I would also have a serious conversation with your husband and tell him to give his head a shake. Being able to only afford food for the children while the parents eat toast isn't normal - does he not see that?

In this case though, where money is as tight as OP says, I don’t think it would matter if they had separate money because he still wouldn’t have the freedom to lend £60 without it affecting the household budget. OP is going without meals, so unless she is recklessly spending, even if they put their money in different accounts, there isn’t enough for him to spend it how he likes, however stifling he finds it.

she said she had to spend her savings on a car.

You've been going without dinners this month. Has he? If so, are you saying he's prioritised this loan over eating three meals a day? That's actually quite extreme people-pleasing.

It's great that you have shared finances (in my opinion at least) but you could also have separate accounts for personal expenses. His loans should come out of his personal account. Spending family money on a loan when you're grindingly poor is totally unacceptable.

In your circumstances his need to be Billy Big Bollix was more important than you eating.
He sounds like another child rather than an adult.
Move your salary for sure.
Also rethink any further children with suchba man child.
I'm so sorry things are so tight.
He must live in cloud cookoo land to be so unaware of how difficult things are this month for you with a huge unexpected expense wiping out your buffer.

Was that there only savings though? She said she used her savings.
They have a joint account but not sure whether they have joint savings or individual.

I presume your DH is not aware of how tight the finances actually are. Why is he so removed from this that you can be not eating properly but he is lending money? Are all financial matters only managed by you? I agree with you in these circumstances I would get my own account and pay my fair share into the shared account for family shared costs only. Personally, until the finances improve and / or family member had paid you back, DH would be on toast for dinner too - he should have been beforehand. He should reap the consequences of his decision. If he was aware how bad things are and lent the money anyway, I don’t quite know what to say to you as he must be pathologically incapable of saying no.

YANBU and your dh is completely in the wrong.

However, why did you spend all of your £4k savings on a car which left you with nothing and using 10ps to buy your shopping and living off toast?

Why didn’t you buy a cheaper runaround which would have left you with a bit of a safety net? And then once you’d built up more savings you could trade it in for a more expensive car.

I think they must have been, she’s paying for the food shopping in 10p coins.