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Original poster

AIBU to agree my sister’s friends may want child-free girls’ nights?

93 replies

WashingLineFine · Yesterday 12:10

My sister has a group of friends she met at university, they’re all in their late 30s now but take turns to host “girls night” where they go to each others houses, have a few drinks and watch a film.
whenever sister is hosting she asks me or my mum to have DN overnight.
A few weeks ago she was hosting and she hadn’t asked me to have DN so I asked if mum was having her, she said no she’s keeping her at home this time.
Day after she told me DN had had an amazing time showing off her dance routines to sisters friends. I asked if the friends minded her being there and she said no, they loved watching her. Thought it was a bit weird but whatever.
last week sister was hosting again and told me DN was really looking forward to it and had a load of new routines ready to show “the girls”. At this point I gently suggested that maybe her friends enjoy child free nights and would prefer no kids there and offered to have DN. This was rubbished so I left it.

This morning she messaged me asking if I’d said something to her friends because all of a sudden they’re complaining about DN being there. I asked what had actually been said and it was a group WhatsApp messsge basically saying if there’s weeks when a host can’t get a babysitter they should change the host for that week. They all agreed. DN wasn’t mentioned but to be fair it was pretty obvious that it was directed at her.

I said to sister “to be fair I don’t blame them, if I was going out for an evening with friends I wouldn’t want to be a captive audience to an 8 year olds dance routines. Now we’re no longer talking 🤦‍♀️😂

AIBU to have agreed with the friends?

OP posts:
Bunnycat101 · Yesterday 12:31

Oh gosh your sister has screwed this one up. My daughter own children had a phase of doing routines and it’s bloody painful as a parent who loves them dearly. Her friends will have been wanting to put pins on their eyes.

songbird3086 · Yesterday 12:28

Mocktails!!! We made them mocktails just to be clear

songbird3086 · Yesterday 12:27

Omg! My friend did this to me on a months in advanced night in with cocktails and karaoke. There were 6 of us and she bought her 9 year old twin girls. She said it was only for 2 hours then her husband would he collecting them so we all made an effort, made them cocktails and listened to their signing and showing off thinking it was only till 8.30pm. Lo and behold as it approaches she said they were having too good a time so we’re staying. Absolutely ruined. She also was very unhappy when we told her it wouldn’t be happening again. We all have kids 5-12 and are grateful for the break away!!

BeSharpHelper · Yesterday 12:25

Nothing. Fucking. Worse.
sounds like her friends have nipped it in the bud though. A quick hello, goodnight , is permissible but otherwise absolutely not, and dance routines ffs,if people want to watch that shit they do it at home with their own children under duress. It could only be worse if she gave them a recorder recital.

TonTonMacoute · Yesterday 12:25

WashingLineFine · Yesterday 12:21

I was trying to save her from the inevitable fall out

Show quote history

Of course YANBU, I can't imagine anything worse than spending a girls night in watching some kid doing her Taylor Swift moves.

However, no good deed goes unpunished. Leave your sister to sort it out.

SummerInSun · Yesterday 12:25

You are in the right, both in trying to to point that out to your sister originally - especially as you offered to have your niece for the night - and now. I do this with friends. If the kids appear for ten min at the beginning and say hello, then disappear to bed and we don’t see them again, that’s fine. But why would I leave my own kids to spend time with someone else’s? It’s either a family get together with all kids or an adult get together with no kids. The reality is that no one finds your kids adorable and interesting the way you do yourself.

CrocsNotDocs · Yesterday 12:25

The only thing more boring than your own child’s dance routines is someone else’s child’s dance routine.

Ohdearnotthisagain · Yesterday 12:24

WashingLineFine · Yesterday 12:20

Noooo i barely know them, ive only ever spoken to them at parties etc

Show quote history

Well I’d put her straight on that aspect at least.

Dontlletmedownbruce · Yesterday 12:24

Im 100% with you. She will come to understand you don't know the friends and they came to their own conclusion. Then maybe she can fall out with the friends too for a while! Hopefully she will realise her views are different to theirs and come around to accept that and put the whole silly thing behind her. The choosing to not talk to you part is very childish.

bababamama · Yesterday 12:24

As a one off fine but I’m with you, a girls night in doesn’t involve kids (asleep in bed is fine)

AmyDudley · Yesterday 12:23

You're absolutely right.
Only the strongest maternal blinkers would make someone think an eight year old dancing was entertainment.

Millytante · Yesterday 12:22

WashingLineFine · Yesterday 12:10

My sister has a group of friends she met at university, they’re all in their late 30s now but take turns to host “girls night” where they go to each others houses, have a few drinks and watch a film.
whenever sister is hosting she asks me or my mum to have DN overnight.
A few weeks ago she was hosting and she hadn’t asked me to have DN so I asked if mum was having her, she said no she’s keeping her at home this time.
Day after she told me DN had had an amazing time showing off her dance routines to sisters friends. I asked if the friends minded her being there and she said no, they loved watching her. Thought it was a bit weird but whatever.
last week sister was hosting again and told me DN was really looking forward to it and had a load of new routines ready to show “the girls”. At this point I gently suggested that maybe her friends enjoy child free nights and would prefer no kids there and offered to have DN. This was rubbished so I left it.

This morning she messaged me asking if I’d said something to her friends because all of a sudden they’re complaining about DN being there. I asked what had actually been said and it was a group WhatsApp messsge basically saying if there’s weeks when a host can’t get a babysitter they should change the host for that week. They all agreed. DN wasn’t mentioned but to be fair it was pretty obvious that it was directed at her.

I said to sister “to be fair I don’t blame them, if I was going out for an evening with friends I wouldn’t want to be a captive audience to an 8 year olds dance routines. Now we’re no longer talking 🤦‍♀️😂

AIBU to have agreed with the friends?

Oh God yes. DN’s presence as an honorary member if the group would seriously piss me off, to be really honest,

Original poster
WashingLineFine · Yesterday 12:21

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · Yesterday 12:20

You're right but overstepped with your "gentle suggestions." Her friends are adults who didn't need you speaking for them. Now you're the bad guy.

I was trying to save her from the inevitable fall out

OP posts:
Original poster
WashingLineFine · Yesterday 12:20

Ohdearnotthisagain · Yesterday 12:16

Totally agree with you. Clearly her friends do too.

I assume you didn’t talk to them though?

Noooo i barely know them, ive only ever spoken to them at parties etc

OP posts:
WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · Yesterday 12:20

You're right but overstepped with your "gentle suggestions." Her friends are adults who didn't need you speaking for them. Now you're the bad guy.

ACatNamedRobin · Yesterday 12:19

Yep fully agree with you.
Your sister clearly has main character syndrome, and it seems that she's bringing her kid up to be the same.

Make sure you don't suddenly turn into a doormat by acquiescing with her to keep the peace- hold your nerve.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · Yesterday 12:19

100%

Ohdearnotthisagain · Yesterday 12:16

Totally agree with you. Clearly her friends do too.

I assume you didn’t talk to them though?

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