AIBU to agree my sister’s friends may want child-free girls’ nights?

Nobody wants to watch a child perform dance routines. Even when it's your own child.

Looks like your Sis shot the messenger

I would just keep out of things like this with her. She probably resents you telling her she's wrong and at the end of the day, her friends were able to do that themselves... Yet now you've ended up being the one taking all the flak, which seems very unfair.

You said inevitable fall out, so presumably there have been similar situations where you've wanted to step in and say "For Heaven's sake SIs, don't do that!"

But if that is the case, I think you need to start just letting her find out for herself. It will have far more effect, and you won't be the one in the firing line, when you were only trying to help.

Hope she calms down soon.

I remember years ago getting a babysitter and going out on a (rare) night out with my ex

Only to get to his house and find his two (lovely) dds there and he'd changed the plans and hadn't told me

I was fuming-id managed to get a babysitter (which cost a fortune) only to spend the evening with two other kids

I never saw him again but did hear how 'unreasonable' I was as he knew I 'enjoyed their company'

'All dressed up and fuck all place to go' really summed that night up

I love kids but I needed some 'adult time' without any child

It would be ok if the friend’s child said hello and did one performance. But that would be my limit! I wouldn’t want a repeat.

I like having child free time with friends, especially if I’ve arranged a baby sitter.

OMG I'm absolutely cringing with second hand embarrassment for your sister 😳😳😳

You're not being unreasonable but I would have kept my opinion to myself to be honest!

It’s not having the child there, it’s the child joining in with what has always been an adult evening.
If she is unable to accommodate adult only evening she’ll need to back out of the group.

I don’t think they should have to get a babysitter in order to host, but the child should be able to be told to stay upstairs and be able to follow that instruction. I have a 7 year old and have friends round for dinner and they never see her. (Obviously they arrive after my child has been fed and I’ve brushed teeth etc, but she stays upstairs reading a book and then goes to sleep).

ETA - I wouldn’t be that bothered by a friend’s child who had a 2 min dance to show me though, even though I wouldn’t let my child do it. I would be bothered if that child then hung around, or I was expected to watch some longer performance every time I went round.

I think it’s just easier to blame you than blame them.
upu are not being unreasonable. You could see where this was heading and tried to warn her.
I think as a one off they would have tolerated DN but it was clearly going to become the norm.

If they'd fall out with her due to her having her child in her own house then they're not the type of friends she needs.

I'm an independent single mum and my friends would be out the door if they fell out with me over this.

We take it turns to host book club. Kids are usually there but def not part of the evening.
They say hello, some have a little chat and take some food then clear off!

Right! It's time for dd to perform her routines everyone! Even if this was my child I'd be annoyed by the " performance ".

If you read my post properly, you'll see that wasn't my point.

I’d pay to see a husband come in and do the helicopter 😂

The only thing worse would have been her husband coming in pantless to do The Helicopter at them...

Actually, I think that comes second-worse to a dancing 8 year-old... 😳

You can talk to your sister about whatever you like. There’s a few MN who think we should never say anything negative in any way, even if saying it will save that person from something more negative.

Ideally, your comment would have made her see that her daughter’s dancing wouldn’t be welcome and that there’d been a reason why girls night had always been child free. That would have saved her looking like a twat. But it seems she’s doubled down on twattiness and come up with this idea that you have conspired with her friends.

Well, I’d imagine it would have been fine if DD had not been encouraged to show off and had been put to bed at a reasonable time. Sis is reaping what she has sown.

Bad enough watching my own kids’ dance routines let alone someone else’s.

Christ, I found it tedious watching a kid singing on Coronation Street recently, never mind a live performance on a girls night.

Your DSis hadn't worked out that her friends were just being polite about her DD joining them, now she knows better. She's not happy now but you and her friends have done her a big favour, she won't be THAT DM who brings her DD everywhere then finds she's mysteriously running out of invitations

She didn't overstep, she's her sister and she was gently giving her advice to hopefully avoid getting to the point where her friends would have to point it out to her.

I don't get this mindset that we can't speak up anymore for fear of upsetting people. Obviously she doesn't say it rude or in a mean manner and more importantly she didn't go behind her back and tell her friends.

This should be illegal. It then continues to them bringing teens and young adults 🙈. Why?!

Surely your sister can't think her friends have actually gone away and thought, 'God, Chloe's 30 minute performance to the same Kpop Demon Hunters song on repeat was fabulous!'

I was going to say nobody's going to make it obvious that they're finding the kids' Me Show excruciating - they're obviously going to try to look like they're enjoying it, but in all honesty I'd have decided I needed a bit of fresh air and hoped others would follow me outside. But I'm not a people pleaser (any more).

Completely agree, couldn’t think of anything more tedious than watching someone else’s child doing a dance routine, I would be cancelling next time if I knew there was going to be a repeat.