AIBU to agree my sister’s friends may want child-free girls’ nights?

Oh god, I've signed up to a v expensive hen weekend and after reading so many threads, wish I'd thought to check that children wouldn't be there. It never used to be a thing, but there are a few t eens tagging on here and there. Please no!!!

There was a thread where a nutter brought her toddler to a hen weekend despite being explicitly asked not to. Years ago but it was epic! Scary how dense some people are.

It seems odd to me that the hosts child has to be physically not there. Shows how wet the parents are that they can’t enforce the kid staying upstairs and going to bed the only way to stop her joining in with the adults is to have her elsewhere.

You are right and I agree with you. Telling her was out of kindness and was brave if you, but unfortunately now you are the bad guy.
Hopefully she now can put herself in others shoes and realises

Did you even read the quote that poster was replying to?

You did the right thing - you were trying to stop her losing her friends, and did it in a tactful way!

If I didn’t have just the one sister, I would have thought you were talking at my sister. She acts and treats her daughter like she’s the most amazing child to ever exist. She goes out with her friends to the pub - and takes her with them. The daughter is 14 now, but this has been going on for years. She even orders jugs of cocktails and gives her daughter glasses from it. When the new Bridget Jones film came out I asked if she fancied going to see it with me. She said yes. A couple of days later she messaged to ask if her daughter could come (please note she is married so not as if she didn’t have childcare) with us. I pointed out it was a 15 certificate. She said it would be fine as her daughter is tall so felt she looked older. There’s no way she looked 15. She certainly didn’t act like a 15 year old. I asked what would happen if the cinema wouldn’t let her in (given I’d be driving us there I presumed she wouldn’t pay me back for the wasted fuel or my unused ticket as that’s what she’s like) - she wouldn’t even accept it was a risk so I asked her if there was a different date she could do so it would just be us and if not let’s just leave it. We didn’t go.

I don’t think she’s ever said no in her life to her daughter and you really can tell.

She does. OP volunteered. Reading the entire OP isn't compulsory, but it is recommended

Not speaking (assuming that's at your sister's instigation) seems like a huge overreaction. Does she really not believe you that you didn't speak to the friends? A much more likely (and probably predictable) explanation is that the first time it happened the friends viewed it as the daughter briefly saying hello to her mother's guests before going off to bed or to hang out with her dad and maybe the topic of dance or the daughter's interests and activities came up and she showed off a little bit with an impromptu demonstration - versus the second time when the daughter came back with multiple dance routines specifically prepared for the group and the mum probably mentioned how much the daughter been looking forward to the event and dancing for "the girls"!

Sorry - just seen you said she’s short on friends now! Are you in touch with the wider group? What happened in terms of the child free wedding? I’m fascinated!!

This

I remember this! Are you in touch with her now and is she still the same?

It sounds like op was trying to avoid a repeat of dsis hosting with dneice, but dsis ignored this and went ahead with hosting a second night with dneice and it was after this second night that her friends complained.

That was my post under a different name.

My best friend of many years kept bringing her daughter everywhere and acting like it was an honour that she joined any adult get togethers.
Her dd started trying to give relationship advice or bored us for hours about her friendship dramas or things she’d watched on tv.
No matter how many times we tried to gently suggest we wanted adult only time the more my friend seemed to dig her heels in.
I posted another thread after the spa day because I didn’t want to lose the friendship but I just didn’t know how to make it any clearer!

It didn’t end well, there was a big argument and we didn’t speak for months.
I dropped out of the group meet ups but the rest of the group were too soft to say anything until a child free wedding…

It’s good she still has her daughter as her “bestie” because she’s a bit short on other friends now.

I just don’t understand why some women are so insistent that their child is special and “one of the gang” when everyone else has babysitters and doesn’t want relationship advice off a 9 year old.
It still puzzles me and when I read this thread I wondered straight away if this was my friends sister!

Well you weren't wrong were you. You tried to help and it has backfired because now she's mad at you. Just let it be, she'll get over it soon enough.

You totally did the right thing! I’m cringing for your sister.

wasn’t there a thread about someone wanting to bring their child along to a hen do a while ago? Absolutely bonkers!!!

Does she bring her dd to spadays as well? Remember a thread about this.

Your sister is delusional. Either you get together with kids or it's without. But I bet she thinks her daughter is so special that the others are thrilled having her there. Well done of them to nip it in the bud.

I had a friend whose daughter insisted on singing and dancing for everyone. She (the adult) was most put out that my teenage boys didn’t want to watch. If I rocked up for a girls night and was subjected to someone else’s kid showing off her dance routines that would be the last time I would go to that house. Your sister is delusional.

Because her kid is obviously ✨special✨ and she’s too dense/unaware to realise EVERYONE’s kid is special TO THEM.

You need to tell your sister this. She probably doesn’t want to fall out with her friends bc they have less loyalty than family so she knows she can take it out on you and you’re unlikely never to speak to her again over it. She sounds like an utter nob. I’m glad her friends called her out over it.

You are not being unreasonable! What a bore that would be. My days of watching "plays" and "puppet shows" are over.

If there are no kids at any other events why would the sister assume they wanted to see a performance, no one can answer thia i know but I dont get the logic

She does have childcare - and the friends have taken time to organise childcare too..

OP’s sister just decided that her friends must really want to watch a child’s performance one a childfree night.

You are projecting abit - there is a difference between your friends understanding that you don’t have access to childcare to - changing year long catch ups to appease the child

Lmso your response to her made me giggle. Bravo.

You need to read the quote I was responding to as this is irrelevant to my post.

Why does she need to back out of the group if she doesn't have childcare?

She does have childcare. From the op: whenever sister is hosting she asks me or my mum to have DN overnight.