AIBU to agree my sister’s friends may want child-free girls’ nights?

It sounds like op was trying to avoid a repeat of dsis hosting with dneice, but dsis ignored this and went ahead with hosting a second night with dneice and it was after this second night that her friends complained.

That was my post under a different name.

My best friend of many years kept bringing her daughter everywhere and acting like it was an honour that she joined any adult get togethers.
Her dd started trying to give relationship advice or bored us for hours about her friendship dramas or things she’d watched on tv.
No matter how many times we tried to gently suggest we wanted adult only time the more my friend seemed to dig her heels in.
I posted another thread after the spa day because I didn’t want to lose the friendship but I just didn’t know how to make it any clearer!

It didn’t end well, there was a big argument and we didn’t speak for months.
I dropped out of the group meet ups but the rest of the group were too soft to say anything until a child free wedding…

It’s good she still has her daughter as her “bestie” because she’s a bit short on other friends now.

I just don’t understand why some women are so insistent that their child is special and “one of the gang” when everyone else has babysitters and doesn’t want relationship advice off a 9 year old.
It still puzzles me and when I read this thread I wondered straight away if this was my friends sister!

Well you weren't wrong were you. You tried to help and it has backfired because now she's mad at you. Just let it be, she'll get over it soon enough.

You totally did the right thing! I’m cringing for your sister.

wasn’t there a thread about someone wanting to bring their child along to a hen do a while ago? Absolutely bonkers!!!

Does she bring her dd to spadays as well? Remember a thread about this.

Your sister is delusional. Either you get together with kids or it's without. But I bet she thinks her daughter is so special that the others are thrilled having her there. Well done of them to nip it in the bud.

I had a friend whose daughter insisted on singing and dancing for everyone. She (the adult) was most put out that my teenage boys didn’t want to watch. If I rocked up for a girls night and was subjected to someone else’s kid showing off her dance routines that would be the last time I would go to that house. Your sister is delusional.

Because her kid is obviously ✨special✨ and she’s too dense/unaware to realise EVERYONE’s kid is special TO THEM.

You need to tell your sister this. She probably doesn’t want to fall out with her friends bc they have less loyalty than family so she knows she can take it out on you and you’re unlikely never to speak to her again over it. She sounds like an utter nob. I’m glad her friends called her out over it.

You are not being unreasonable! What a bore that would be. My days of watching "plays" and "puppet shows" are over.

If there are no kids at any other events why would the sister assume they wanted to see a performance, no one can answer thia i know but I dont get the logic

She does have childcare - and the friends have taken time to organise childcare too..

OP’s sister just decided that her friends must really want to watch a child’s performance one a childfree night.

You are projecting abit - there is a difference between your friends understanding that you don’t have access to childcare to - changing year long catch ups to appease the child

Lmso your response to her made me giggle. Bravo.

You need to read the quote I was responding to as this is irrelevant to my post.

Why does she need to back out of the group if she doesn't have childcare?

She does have childcare. From the op: whenever sister is hosting she asks me or my mum to have DN overnight.

I hardly want to watch my own kids put on a show but I smile and nod each time. Watching someone else’s kid do a show sounds like torture!!

Kids may “want to show off” but as the host parent you stop them. Whether the guests are childfree or not is surely irrelevant. Those with children maybe even less tolerant as they came for a night off after being with their own kids.

Well, you could have just kept quiet, but don't worry. She'll start speaking to you again when she realises she'll need you to do childcare.

Of course they don't want children around but I would have also stayed out of it

It would be the same with suddenly inviting any random extra person to the gathering. You just don’t do that in an established group dynamic. Some people seem to be completely oblivious to this very standard social expectation.

How long was the niece doing routines for? I think it’s fair enough to maybe do one dance and then go up to bed. However, not to be with friends all night.

Are the other friends child free, and if so don’t get how kids like to say ‘hi’ and show I’m off?

Either way if they fell out with her over that then she deserves better.

Why does she need to back out of the group if she doesn't have childcare?

You were right. But the thing is it’s none of your business. Now your sister’s projecting a load on to you. You should’ve just kept out of it.

Nobody wants to watch a child perform dance routines. Even when it's your own child.

Looks like your Sis shot the messenger

I would just keep out of things like this with her. She probably resents you telling her she's wrong and at the end of the day, her friends were able to do that themselves... Yet now you've ended up being the one taking all the flak, which seems very unfair.

You said inevitable fall out, so presumably there have been similar situations where you've wanted to step in and say "For Heaven's sake SIs, don't do that!"

But if that is the case, I think you need to start just letting her find out for herself. It will have far more effect, and you won't be the one in the firing line, when you were only trying to help.

Hope she calms down soon.

I remember years ago getting a babysitter and going out on a (rare) night out with my ex

Only to get to his house and find his two (lovely) dds there and he'd changed the plans and hadn't told me

I was fuming-id managed to get a babysitter (which cost a fortune) only to spend the evening with two other kids

I never saw him again but did hear how 'unreasonable' I was as he knew I 'enjoyed their company'

'All dressed up and fuck all place to go' really summed that night up

I love kids but I needed some 'adult time' without any child