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AIBU?

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Stepping back

28 replies

waxingwaning · Yesterday 11:54

my ds14 has just started yr9, last year he was bullied by another child in his year, this child was telling my child to go end his life, getting a group together and pushing him around when on his own, emptying bag in front of a crowd and more pushing around, attempts to isolate my child. I ended up contacting the school who dealt with the situation fairly well. Afew of my sons friends stuck up for him and I thought the situation had subsided, the new tactic this boy is now using against my son is to ostracise him. He has managed to befriend all of my sons friends and they no longer include my ds in anything. Every time my son makes a friend this child tries to ruin it. I am thinking of contacting school again and am gently encouraging ds resilience. Part of the situation is that my ds best friend has now become best friends with the bully. I was very good friends with my ds best friends mum, I told her about the bullying when it was happening before. I’m aware it sounds childish and kids make their own choices at this age but We went out last night and my friend was talking about how her ds, bully and wider group are always out together having fun. I just got so upset, I said that I couldn’t believe she was being this obtuse about this situation, how excluded my ds is, how it feels like betrayal and why couldn’t the boys that had been friends with my ds have included him. I know that this shouldn’t affect my friendship with her, we have always had a good friendship and we are both quite upset but I can’t shake off the feelings of betrayal, I know I should keep out of it all but hurt for my son. Wwyd, I kind of blamed her partly for not having conversations with her ds about it all but really I know kids make their own choices at this age. I’ve apologised to friend but I would appreciate others perspective on situation.

OP posts:
waxingwaning · Yesterday 19:33

@Bigtrapeze do you think your friend will reach a level of understanding about you ds and her dad situation?

OP posts:
waxingwaning · Yesterday 19:34

Not dad! Dd (auto spell 🙄)

OP posts:
Bigtrapeze · Yesterday 23:13

waxingwaning · Yesterday 19:33

@Bigtrapeze do you think your friend will reach a level of understanding about you ds and her dad situation?

I'm not sure.

I totally get that when you have an upset teen in front of you some kind of protective but not entirely logical maternal instinct kicks in. I can see why my friend thinks what she thinks but she's only got half a story and I think any attempt to present a different side will be the end of our friendship. I've been on both sides. Ironically, the kids work it out and get over it much more quickly than the adults and someone they really didn't like can become a close friend before you know it. It's the most difficult bit of parenting for me so far and I wish knew when she was 11 what I know now! Good luck, OP. Your DS sounds like he's got this and you should be proud.

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