AIBU to be cross at my in-laws snub at my child’s 18th?

103 replies

ABitMiffedOverThis · Yesterday 08:17

A couple of weeks ago it was my eldest's 18th Birthday. I was always under the impression that 18 & 21 were "big birthdays". My side of the family acknowledged their birthday with a bit of extra to mark the occasion.

They didn't want a party so we went away for the weekend and did something my DC wanted to do.

My PIL sent a card and a token amount, and my SIL just sent a card. Now before anyone calls me grabby, I want to put this into context. My PIL and SIL have had milestone birthdays over the years. If you didn't acknowledge them in an OTT way you would be seriously in the dog house. My SIL's last milestone cost us £400.

My in-laws like to play politics and like to punish where they see fit. They have been off with my DC for a while now. My eldest is doing their A levels, has a job and a partner and is a typical teen. They are busy and their whole life is people their age, parties and being in their 6th form bubble. My in-laws are upset that my DC is not immediately responding to their likes and comments on social media and their lack of enthusiasm to join a WhatsApp group with their GP and Aunt and Uncle. TBH it is hard enough for me to get them to respond to my texts in everyday life. They think the whole world revolves around them, so will also be annoyed that we are not including them in the weekend away or paying for a big fancy meal out with them all.

Based on previous experience of my in-laws I think they have colluded to not really acknowledge my DC's 18th. I know that sounds far fetched but I have 30 years of witnessing this type of behaviour. They have always been like this with me, but I didn't really care. If you don't toe the line, they ironically go the extra mile to treat you with indifference.

DH and I have always said we would stay out of the family politics. They are always at odds with someone at any given point of time. HOWEVER, if they start on my DC then I know I am going to lose it.

WWYD?

AIBU to be bothered by this? I can see that my DH is a bit hurt and my DC is a bit too.

Do nothing, just leave it and ignore it or be done with the petty bollocks and never again acknowledge any of their birthdays with anything but a card?

OP posts:

Harry12345 · Today 01:35

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, I think it’s awful to punish a grandchild because an 18 year old hasn’t in your eyes made an effort. Most 18 year olds are like that, I was with my Gran and she still loved me hard and made a fuss to call and send a card and gift on my birthday. In a few years I visited her weekly and done her shopping and housework for years. If she’d had treated me like that at 18 I would never have been as close. Most teenagers just want to spend their time with their friends and you shouldn’t expect people to have parties. Anyway my in laws are the same but I just ignore it as I can see it hurts my husband so don’t want to cause anymore upset for him. My kids have picked up on the difference between in-laws and my parents and it’s not rocket science to guess who they are closest to now being older

Freshrain · Today 01:42

Have the posters of the last 4 replies read the OP's posts ?

The Grandparents and other in-laws DID sent money and cards.

Harry12345 · Today 02:03

Freshrain · Today 01:42

Have the posters of the last 4 replies read the OP's posts ?

The Grandparents and other in-laws DID sent money and cards.

Yes but I think she knows them well enough to know that the Aunt sending no gift or money and the grandparents sending a token amount is not the norm for them and she knows it’s a deliberate act as they’re annoyed at not being included enough. If my parents gave £100 to all kids and grandchildren then my kid got £20 I’d know it’s deliberate. She says they have history for this. They expect and have received a lot more for their own big birthdays

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