AIBU to ignore an old friend asking for financial help?

There’s help for things like this , a new initiative just started by the government , grants for up to a £1000 which I believe might help with things like this . To be eligible you have to be really broke .

Absolutely not. She’s a user, and she has used you repeatedly before, with no regard for how her chaotic life was affecting you.

You have a settled life with your own family now. On no account would I even reply to her, I would just block and ignore. You know she will only bring chaos to your door again, and you will never get your money back if you did lend it to her. Lending money to friends always ends in tears in my experience.

Look after yourself and your own family and ignore her.

Yes, she's asking you because her family members and people she's been in contact with over the last six years have all turned her down. Wish her well and leave it at that.

No, I wouldn’t give her the money. I have gifted money to friends for less urgent matters, but the key thing is they were my actual friends. It sounds like this person is more of a former friend and comes across a a bit of a user.

I had to cut ties with a few people who had violent or very jealous partners after I watched another friend of mine get punched by a mutual friends violent husband.

Now I get that it’s hard to leave these kind of relationships, but no way do I want to risk my own safety because of a decision they’ve been unable to take.

The point being is sometimes when you get involved you can endanger yourself and the same friend may just return to that same man and then the man sees you as the problem.

I have helped friends escape violent men but I’m careful about it as I don’t want to become their man’s next victim and then for them to go back to this man.

So in this case I would just signpost the woman to organisations that can help and wish her well.

I'd probably reply with a firm no, no explanations, no doors left open - that way she doesn't convince herself (or genuinely believe) that you somehow missed the message or put it aside for later and forgot and keep following up which might be be more upsetting for you than shutting it down. (But if you genuinely can't even cope with a reply, there's no obligation.) And of course if she persists after you say no, block.

I get maybe asking for £10 for some food if you've no other choice but that sort of money is a very cheeky request and I think it says a lot about her character. Unless you're very obviously filthy rich 1K is a lot to stump up.

I assume money for deposit but still unreasonable demand of course

Just block her, and forget about it OP. You say that the situation affected your mental health previously, opening the door back up to this relationship, is asking for trouble. DON'T DO IT!

Did you miss the very first part of my post where I said I wouldn't give her money?

More front than Brighton!

Err, why is op punishing her? Op’s money is not ex-friends to spend. As you’re so keen, why don’t you give the ex-friend the money? or be a friend to her?

A fucking house deposit? What planet is she on? What a cheek!

Your money should be spent on your own children, not on a house deposit for someone you haven't spoken to in 6 years.

She's asking you because everyone else who's closer to her has said no.

This.

You are being kind to just ignore the message. Personally I’d respond but only to let her know how cheeky she’s being.

As @TFImBackIn says, She's asking you because everyone else who's closer to her has said no. Don’t do it. You will never see the money again. Her problems aren’t yours to solve.

A deposit for a house? So thousands?

Don’t reply, or send a generic type email saying you’re unable to help and wish her well for the future, then block.

I had to cut ties with someone for a similar reason op. Sometimes you have to protect your own mental health when you’ve spent so many years helping someone who won’t help themselves. Though I have to say mine didn’t have the fucking gall to pop up asking for money. You’ve cut her out of your life and this is how she gets back in touch? She’s a user. Don’t reply and move on with your life

I wouldn't even reply

Me personally I would reply. I’d say I’m pleased for her that she’s finally left him for good and that I won’t be helping with a house deposit, what are the essentials she needs for the children. Then depending on her answer I might help with essentials for the kids if it’s something I might already have or not that costly to provide the items. No way I’d give her any cash.
Housing help will be available to her, Temp Accommodation and housing benefit.

Completely fair enough to ignore and block though.

YANBU. I could understand asking for a small loan for some essentials but a house deposit is crazy talk.

She's asking you because everyone else who's closer to her has said no.

It's incredibly frustrating and hurtful when someone's in a bad relationship and dumps good friends as a result.

I think it depends on what your main concerns are. If you really could help her without it effecting you, could you give her the money on the understanding you aren’t in a position to offer other support and you don’t expect to hear from her again though you wish her well? It depends on what other avenues are available to her.

What did she ever bring to your friendship? I cannot believe she has popped up to ask you for financial support after all these years. I wouldn't be giving her anything or replying now. I appreciate she went through a hard time, but it's not up to you to financially or emotionally support her after all these years.

This. You have moved on and she has not kept in contact until she needs money.