AIBU to ignore an old friend asking for financial help?

You don’t lend someone like this money. You give it or you don’t, but you don’t ever call it a loan. Only you can know if you want to do that or not.

If she’s now homeless with her dcs in a shelter, she’d be better off not going into private rental but trying to get social housing. Her poor kids have probably been through a lot already.

You would never see the money again and it would open the door to more asking for help.
As she has not been touch much, if at all over the last few years I would perhaps tell her by email (don't meet up,tears etc)
you are not in a position to help and block her.

She is only contacting you because as you said, you can afford it, if you were broke she wouldn't bother, so for that reason I would not reply at all, cheeky cow.

It's been 6 years now since you had contact, you barely know her now as a friend. I wouldn't.

Did she ask to borrow or just straight up asked you to give the money? Did she even ask after you or apologise for what she put you through for years?

There's a chance it could be a ruse, a scam, she's being coerced by him to ask or she really has left and is in dire straights.

I guess if I did share a lot of positive memories of our relationship I'd probably call her and try and talk. But I wouldn't give her any money unless I literally wanted to give a gift and I didn't care where it ended up.

She doesn’t need that much deposit. She can use a deposit replacement scheme. It’s one week’s rent and is non refundable.

It’s very hard to leave your abuser. I’ve seen it with 2 of my dd’s friends and they’re only 18. One of the guys was an absolute mind fuck and he still is able to summon her for sex and she obeys.

Equally, I can very easily see how you’d reach the end ouf your tether. And you have to look after you.

I opened this thread thinking she was asking for £50-100.

Now way would I ever give anyone thousands of pounds!

I wouldn't even dream of asking either if it were me.

Block and move on.

If you don't want to get sucked back in don't reply, once you start a dialogue it's much more difficult to stop it. You don't need or want her in your life.

No way!! I would block her so she can't ask you again.

It won't stop there though. She'll probably want you to act as guarantor as well.

Agree with the suggestion of saying you wish her all the best, however you are unable to offer her any assistance.

Call me an old cynic, but with her history can you be sure she's really leaving him?
You seem like a lovely, caring and generous person which is probably why she's coming to you for help. It sounds like you've done more than enough for her already.
I doubt she'd repay your money - or your kindness.

With my cynical hat on that is her testing the water and sounding you out. Next it will be an expensive repair with her car, she needs smart clothes for a new job, the kids need orthodontic work , the dog needs emergency vet treatment…..and not a penny will be repaid.

I just can’t imagine asking someone I hadn’t spoken to in six years for a house deposit!!

I would be embarrassed asking for a tenner.

If you want her to forever use you as a cash point, the go ahead.

You have a few options that I can see

-Ignore message
-Reply that you are glad she has left him but can't help

This option I'd ONLY consider if you thought that YOU would get a great deal from re-kindling this relationship, although this doesn't seem to be the case
-Reply that you can't help financially but could meet for a coffee somewhere neutral for a catch up

I wouldn't be sending any money after 6yrs no contact and her draining you mentally. Surely shelter/womans aid/money from working or other support mechanisms are in place to support her with a deposit or council house?

It’s so cheeky of her to get in touch out of the blue to ask for money! Ignore her.

It says it all that she’s asked for money rather than get in touch to apologise for putting you through all that stress over the years. She hasn’t genuinely asked how you are or tried to repair the friendship in any way, just straight up “give me money”

She’s not a friend.

You’re not responsible for financially providing for her and her children even if you have bags of money going spare. If you feel like you want to do something, donate to a domestic abuse charity.

So she’s not a actually a friend, just someone who sees you as someone who gives her things.
The only person who would benefit in this situation, would be her. Exactly the same as before, you need to reserve your energy for yourself and family. You gave plenty to here previously and look how that turned out for you. I’d say your time helping her is over. She made her choice at the time and you both moved on.

Being a good person doesn’t mean you should open old wounds for her sake. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Ignore message, block and delete her number.

Put yourself first, and look after your own mental health.

If you give her money, even once, you are inviting her back into your life, as she will be constantly trying to tap you up for more!
whatever you do block and delete. You don’t want her back in your life and you need to be firm

I know someone who was given (or maybe lent) a rental deposit by the council in similar circumstances. She earnt enough to rent privately, but abusive ex had taken all the savings so she couldn't pay deposit.

If you want to be helpful, you could sign post her to the council or Women's Aid. Otherwise I just wouldn't reply. I wouldn't give money to someone you haven't spoken to in that long.

So basically she means she has left him for good but not yet because she wants a house deposit from you first...

I'm not sure I'd be able to block/ignore, but say "sorry, I can't help, but perhaps try Facebook or a freecycle group for stuff you need, and the council might be able to help with a deposit loan".

Polite, helpful but detached.

Well I wouldn't say she stopped being friends with her because she was in an abusive relationship, more likely because she was being sucked into the dramas of her life.

To ignore her now isn't a punishment is it, it's avoiding being dragged back in , and basically she's only made contact because she wants something. And it's not even advice, it's money!!

It is extremely draining, especially when you have someone's best interests at heart.

For her to suddenly reappear now and ask for money is a bloody cheek, the nerve of it is astonishing.
Don't do it. You will fall into her black hole with her, but this time it will involve a substantial amount of money which I'm pretty sure nobody could afford to lose.

Well, quite.

Or she has burnt through their goodwill and not paid back. How is she not blocked from before?

She’s got some cheek asking so bluntly. I’d stay well clear as these patterns tend to be repeated unless you really take the time to tackle them. Can’t see what you’d get out of this tbh.